Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Prayer request!

Please take an extra moment and say a prayer for Stellan, a tiny little guy that has already amazed the Drs. by being born live and kicking. God healed his tiny heart while still inside his Mom's womb. Now he is struggling to turn a corner and beat RSV. He is in the hospital in intensive care. He has stopped breathing several times. I'm sure God has things well in hand but prayers for peace for his family and energy for his Mom and Dad who are stretching to care for not only Stellan but also his other three siblings.... all 4 and under.

What will your gift be?

With all the holiday fuss and the gift extravaganza this year I have tried to not forget the real meaning of this holiday season. I like getting and giving gifts as much as anyone else BUT Christmas should focus on the birth of Jesus. The sacrifice of God to this world of unworthy sinners, the sacrifice of Mary and her reputation, the sacrifice of Joseph.

The savior of the world....... all wrapped up in swaddling cloth laying in a manger..... surrounded by livestock and hay. The world stopped that night and brought their best for HIM. So how is it that now if your not careful you can miss the whole meaning of Christmas? In our world the pursuit of more and self are much more important than the needs of others.

I believe that there will come a day when we will stand in judgment and need to give an account of our life. Our true gifts need to be the work we do for God’s kingdom. In the end we decide what kind of “flowers” we will give to God. Will you be able to hand him a beautiful bouquet like this


or will it be a bunch of ugly stems. I wasted way too much of my life being a “religious” Christian. I was saved when I was a teenager..... and I haven’t been a horrible person. I have been in church most every Sunday. Praise God and all that good stuff. There is a saying that Joyce Meyer says that I really like “Going to church to be a good Christian is like sitting in your garage to become a car.” But I didn't understand the real meaning, the real deal till after we lost our precious little girl Mackenzie. God expects more of us then sitting in church and saying praise the Lord. In the end don’t you want to be thrilled to give him God a beautiful bouquet of works and deeds? How many people are you leading to Heaven? How disappointed I would be in myself if I stand before him and all I have to offer him is a handful of stems.

What does your “best” look like? This is the time of year for resolutions and life changes. Why don’t we all work a little harder to live the life that would make God smile.

Happy New Year just a little bit early from someone that is always late!


Friday, December 26, 2008

A bit of whimsy..........

I thought I would pop a post of some of the home stuff from the holidays. It has been an enlightening holiday. We are having the silliest weather I have ever seen for Christmas. Today we had a huge thunder storm and fog that seemed to encase the house in a snug cacoon. The temperatures tomorrow are forcast to be almost 60 degrees! In Ohio! I am sending a prayer up for those with less timid temps. The ice can be so dangerous, so safe travels to those dealing with weather issues.

Intrestingly enough I overheard prayers that the boys were saying with Tim Christmas night and Taylor gave a thank you praise to God for his little sister Mackenzie. It warms my heart that they still remember her so well.

Christmas Eve we traveled a lot! 2 1/2 hours to Mom and Dad's and then about 3 hours to Tim's Mom and Dad's. We had to drive two cars because Tiffany had to work part of the day. So when we were finally heading home it was almost 12:00 and Tiffany rode with me and Tim drove separate. About 15 minutes into the trip we distinctly heard the sound of jingle bells. Lots of them. We were traveling 65 mph down the interstate with the radio off! Tiffany and I both looked at each other and said "what was that"?? We know we heard it but have no idea what it was. The boys decided that Santa was flying overhead... hmmmm well nobody could have been anymore surprised than the adults in the car.

Now for the funny of the season, we started a tradition this year called The Elf of the Shelf. This little elf actually pops in every morning to spend the day watching children and then reporting back to Santa every night. The next morning the elf pops up again only in a new place. Well, this little elf about did me in. I had the hardest time remembering to transporting him to a new perch for the day. Here he is with some photos of our house during the holidays.
our rocking horse Lady Buckingham
Christmas Cookies
Our diningroom table
my kiddos
our trip to see Santa
our new breakfast room
Kendall and the big Santa in the yard
our nativity
Christmas Cookies for Santa
Kendall’s three babies

Merry Christmas........................

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas

Well, we made another year. It is so hard for me to feel like I have all the details just right before my head hits the pillow Christmas Eve night. When I finally get to bed it seems a blink before the kids are up and stirring. Taylor is always ready and excited in the morning. Logan and the big kids actually just wouldn't mind waiting and sleeping a bit more after our marathon Christmas Eve. Today was pretty special we all got to be relaxed. Well, other than the Monkey Bread sweet and ever so sticky sauce running down my leg, the cupboard, my slippers, and on the rug. Yea...... oh well.

As I sat and watched the bedlam of everyone opening, and playing with their gifts it was such a sight, Tiffany looking at her new Ipod, Tim setting up the Wii for the boys and Kendall feeding not one but all three babies she got for Christmas.... well she fed them and then tossed them over her shoulder. New form of burping I guess...

As I peeled the potatoes for our meal I truely felt a peace that I haven't felt for over three and a half years. I thought I had log since left the depression and weight of the loss of Mackenzie behind me. I now see that the 3 years of grief is aptly set. Although I left "the dark" in the fall of 2006, I don't think I truely was able to set aside the grief and feel joy about the time I had with Mackenzie instead of the pain of what we had lost. All the "if only's" kept me captive till this season. I have felt blessed but still kept a hand firmly on the grief.

I have led such a blessed life, full of mountains and valleys. Sometimes such deep valleys that I couldn't see the light. During those times I clung to and drew closer to God. I wouldn't give up those times for anything now. They were necessary for my walk and faith.

So, as I sit on a mountain top...... daily life issues swirling around me I am so glad that Jesus came and walked the earth. I am glad he taught those who would listen, healed those that were broken, and in the end of his human time died a painful death so that I might live. His stain-free perfect life for my retched-sin filled life. I am so unworthy, but life is promised if only we take the time to ask. To be willing to try to spread the good news of Jesus.

Have a Merry Christmas.............

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Have you ever noticed......

how good it feels to lay your head on your pillow at night? We have been just chok full of holiday spirit and I really don't think I have ever enjoyed myself so much or been so TIRED! But finally the house has been decorated, presents have all been purchased, wrapping is done, cards have been sent, baking is done. Scout, our resident Elf has actually been moving around the house nightly and the kids have been enjoying all the traditions.

We have spent a lot of time this year trying to instill the real meaning of this holiday season. This year like most I still can be brought to tears looking in the little manger scene that I put up every year. The arrival of one tiny baby that changed the world.

I feel so incredibly blessed, blessed for all the good in my life and blessed for all the trials. God's way of keeping us growing and depending on him. I thank God for my family and for good friends and neighbors. So count your blessings and give thanks to God every night before you drift off in an exhausted holiday slumber...............

Merry Christmas.....................

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Can you relate?

Over the last week as we have been focusing on the holidays and getting our house "Christmas" ready I keep going to the same place in my mind. Mary......... we focus rightfully so on the birth of Jesus this season. Light of the world .... our Savior. But think about his Mother, a child in today's standard, Mary was a 15 year old girl. She lived in a time when girls were not only seen as objects to be owned but expected to handle themselves in a way that would bring no shame to their family. How do you think things were handled as Mary told the news that she was pregnant! With no husband??!?! On top of everything else she truthfully told them that she had not been with a man. The entire town hated this little girl..... they wanted to stone her. In their eyes she was one of two things lying or crazy..... both punishable by death. Her parents were both heart-broken, worried, and a little ashamed. The town was treating them horrible.

All the while Mary had only the words of the Angel. She was with child and this child that she carried was to be the precious saviour that they waited for. The one that was foretold of. Why a young girl, why did she have to endure such hardship while giving so much of herself? Her heart was so pure, her love of God strong. And yet can you imagine the season of darkness that she went through. She had nobody in her town to comfort or support her. Her time with Sarah was her only respite. Finally someone that believed her, knew that this baby inside her was the "real deal".

As a Mom myself I treasured the pokes and the kicks while I was pregnant. I could just swell with happiness knowing that the miracle inside was growing and developing everyday. Did Mary get to enjoy those pokes at all? Did she feel peace? She was so young and I'm sure so scared. The weight of the world literally growing inside her. Mary, the young girl became Mary the Mother of Jesus.

I also have spent much time thinking about E and her sacrifice to us. Carrying a baby for us to love and cherish. Personal sacrifice that cost her in many ways. She was sick much of the beginning, and then even hospitalized with kidney infection 6 weeks before Kendall was due. Then off work due to high blood pressure. A sacrifice she made for our family, because she heard God's voice tell her to do so. I pray for and give thanks everyday for E and her family. She changed the lives of our family. She changed what was a dark place for me into giggling light.

Who do you know that has made a sacrifice?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Don't forget!

It seems like during this time of year there is so much on everyones` mind. I am constantly writing notes for myself and then usually forgetting where I put them. All the hustle and bustle for the holiday I love most in this world. As a Mom I am just wired to be over the moon when a baby is born. I don't even have to know the family and the birth of a baby is so exciting to me. So when I think of Mary and Joseph awaiting the birth of our Saviour. I get a wave of emotions.... everything from tears of excitement to anger that this tiny little baby was turned away from a warm dry place. I guess in a way he came into the world under trying circumstances and he left the same way. I think that Christmas is definitely a time to remember to be charitable, after all how much more "stuff" do we all need in our houses. So why not think of others when giving to others this year.

At our house gifts for parents is always a stumper.... this year I will be giving in their name to a few of my favorite causes. Shoes for children that don't have any and to 3 infant awareness and support causes. If you go to Mckmama's site you can see how to donate to String of Pearls and 2 other organizations. If you don't know about String of Pearls google it and find out more. This organization is much like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, they work with families of babies with fatal diagnosis, many times diagnosed at the 20 week ultra sound. The time families have with these precious babies is many times fleeting and every moment counts. All keepsakes and memories for a lifetime are crammed into the span of a few moments, hours, or days. With careful guidance these moments can be made the most of. I think this is such a worthy cause. There are countless organizations.......... listen to your heart and give in the name of others.

Thanks for following along, I know this isn't the most carefree of posts but God has laid this on my heart and I know he wants me to share it with you.

Kendall says Just Do IT!


Remember the reason we celebrate this season!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Well, here we are again and I have high hopes that this time the entire post WILL get to be published before being eaten by "blogland". It has been a crazy week at the circus here and there is much more than the normal hustle and bustle with the upcoming holidays. Have you ever noticed that during the holidays the work load is like ten-fold? On top of the regular day-to-day work till night at our place you also have to purchase the gifts, purchase the goodies to bake, purchase the cards to send, haul the tree up to be assembled, decorate the house, wrap the gifts, send the cards, be the taxi driver to all the practices........ on top of the normal activites. Yikes!!! Simplify.... hmmmm seems impossible unless we eliminate all the excess and just worship God and praise him for the gift of his son who he would send to be a sacrifice for all the sinners and whiners......... what a novel idea.

But here is the Not Me's for my house if you want to see more go to Mckmamas site and read more floor rolling foot stomping full on drink out the nose laughs for the week.

I definately did NOT spend every minute this week serching for the perfect gift for those that we buy for.

I did NOT already have to take several things back that were either the wrong item or that someone else also bought.

I did NOT buy 4 books for Logan while he was with me without him knowing and then hide so well that I can't find them?!?! I need a better system. I did NOT just go buy the book again because that would be easier than stressing over what is lost within the walls of the house.

I did NOT buy new LED lights for the tree this year only to discover that I need 2 more strands. I did NOT just spread them apart a bit and decide good enough.

I did NOT sit in amazment as my sweet 8 year old came out for a bathroom run at 11:00 p.m. and stand in awe of what he called "the best tree we have ever had" it is so awesome that he didn't even think we needed ornaments this year. Hmmmmm smart boy, we could get along fine. Not putting up the 100's of ornaments means not having to take them all down in a couple weeks.

I did NOT cram all that I could into my amazing washer and dryer to make less loads.

I did NOT laugh myself silly when sone number 2 Taylor noticed daughter number 1 Tiffany's jewelry sitting on the counter and exclame "Hey, let call Cash for Gold!!!" When I asked him why he said "they pay lots for jewelry............ I didn't mention to him that costume plastic jewelry didn't count. I just chuckled and thought that may be one way to get Tiffany to pick up after herself.

I did not wear the same pair of sweats here at home most of the week, they are so comfy and it is getting COLD!

I did NOT look in the mirror and take note that soon if I don't go visit Mick I will be confused with my much older Grandmother. What is it about hair!! I hate the fuss but this grey stuff popping through really kills the young at heart Mom image......... Now an even bigger battle to convince DH that he CAN watch the baby while she sleeps and not have to sit on the couch waiting for her to wake.....

I did NOT send a zip lock bag to church with Taylor just knowing that his wriggly tooth was about to pop out. Mommy radar was right on and the bag was needed. I also did NOT send him in another shirt with tags still attached!! These little miss-dressing events seem to happen very often with Taylor.

I did NOT spend way more than necessary on pix of the kids from our last photo shoots. I spent about 2 hours re-framing pictures this afternoon. But how could I resist. They were fabulous...... check them out if you want at www.angiewoodward.com Password llamas . There are three sets just look for the kids names. Tiffany, Courtney, Logan, Taylor, and Kendall.

Finally I did NOT spend way more than regular price for the Balance Board for the Wii the kids will be getting for Christmas....... Not me I don't even want a Wii, not my idea of an easy way to parent. But what can you do with Grandmas.....

Monday, December 1, 2008

Not Me Monday.............. hmmmm

I did NOT just erase all of my post for the Not Me Monday!!!! Argh!!!!!

Well that just really sucks! Hmmm to start again or not.

Well, just know that I did NOT do many funny and interesting things this week. Road racing to Thanksgiving dinner....... Black Friday shopping............ the list was funny very funny. Loosing a post that took so long ....not so funny.

FIREPROOF ................ a must see movie...............

I want to hold up my dear friend Jami, after one long season of dark God has so much good in store for her. She and her husband were re-married yesterday and the turns that it took to get there was miraculous to say the least. If you haven't seen it go to Fireproof! The movie is everything funny, sad, and awe inspiring that you can imagine. Look for it!!! It has changed countless marriages and actually was the catalyst to put my neighbors back together better than ever.

Well, now that the house is no longer quiet and naptime is over I guess that is all I have time for! If you want more hop to MckMamas site and hear all the other crazy Not Me's!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am so Thankful!

Those words seem so small to me as I see them on the page. This year has been such a ride for us. Before the time slips away with me completely I wanted to take the time... heck it may take two days.... to put together a small portion of the mountains of blessings that I have in my ever cracked life. Right now since I am giving two spelling tests while I blog let's just say the top 16!

1. I am so thankful that I know Jesus Christ as my savior and that he continues to bless and lift me up day after day.

2. For my husband, as quirky as we are I think he is the perfect fit to my whacky life. Not many would put up with me and my ways. He works so hard to provide us with a comfortable life and affords me the ability to stay home and teach and "grow" our kids.

3. For my kids here on this earth, Tiffany,my over-confident smart eldest child, Courtney,ever the animal lover and fun personality, Logan, my no bones about it scholar-scientist guy, Taylor, my all-boy family clown with such a love for animals and Kendall,the sweetest tiny girl, this little powerhouse is my joy. The blessings they give are so numerous, the responsibility I feel to make sure that they all know the true path in life is overwhelming at times. I stand in awe of them daily. Well, let's say most of time I am in awe, sometimes it is sheer shock!

4. For Elizabeth and her family, for her sacrifce so that we could have, love, and raise our sweet baby Kendall.

5. For our parents, they work tirelessly to help us in those moments where we are either to extended in time or don't have the skill to build up this house of ours.

6. For our angel baby Mackenzie, although I can't hold you here how much you have taught us. Someday in heaven we will be together.

7. For family, friends and neighbors here and in cyber space. Life wouldn't be the same without the encouragement of others. I love you guys!!!

8. For our freedoms. although we might not get along and the economy may stink right now, we are so blessed to live in a place that we can make choices and we can worship freely without fear.

9. For my discovery of my new favorite TV shows!!! I had no idea they were there. So now Joyce, Beth, Ed, and James and Betty are with me whenever I can get a moment to sit down.

10. For Fireproof, yes the movie, this movie has changed and improved marriages for those that have given it a chance.

11. For our pets and all the creature comforts they provide.

12. I am so thankful for warm cider, cozy socks, a robe and a good book. Well, of course this is when the many tiny oves are sleeping.

13. The blessing that I have in Tiffany being home to be the pick-up this or that on your way home or the Can you watch them for a minute while I run here or there. Without her we would be much more stressed.

14. For the blessing of having Courtney home with us for almost a week!!! I am so excited to have all my kids under one roof. Well, maybe it will be crazy but I can't wait!

15. For the blessing of having most of the shopping done this year BEFORE Thanksgiving!! You will still find me out in the dark on Black Friday but how could I miss all that fun??

16. Last but not least I am so thankful to have a new set of hub caps on my van! Yep, that rounds out the list. A whole bunch of happy for a simple box of four hub caps bought at Wal-Mart for 13.98. Or as Taylor says Wal (star) Mart. you get it right?

What are your blessings................................

Well, that is my partial list

Monday, November 17, 2008

Not Me Monday!

Well, believe it or not we are here again! Four more Sundays till Christmas and hmmmm, well let's just say if I don't get busy there may be some disappointed people on Christmas morning. I fondly remember that days they didn't know when Christmas "really" was. You could fudge a lot, I could even shop with them in the cart and they didn't realize the gifts were for them. But alas, those days are over. Now I have to figure out how to shop around three little ones that seem to be attached at the hip. Thank heaven for online shopping!

Let's see about all those not-me's. Well at least the ones that I can A. remember and B. actually own up to.

I did not completely flake out on my deal with myself to make a week full of "healthy" meals while my husband was on vacation.

I did not also forget my deal with myself to not "nag" (his words I prefer remind) him of things that he leaves as he moves through the house day and night. You know trash, shoes, socks, open doors, lights left on........ the list continues.

I did not push the boys through school this morning so I could slip out with only one in tow and go to lunch with my seldom seen but much enjoyed girlfriend neighbor.

I did not try to interest test the kids with some ideas of toys that they may actually really enjoy for Christmas.

I did not giggle to myself seeing the garage door open this morning and the several cats and kittens that had gotten into the garage visit. Nope wouldn't do that DH HATES the cats in the garage.

I did not pull something out of the clothes hamper to wear yesterday because it was snugly warm and the weather here is getting COLD!

Okay, back to MckMamas blog to see all of YOUR Not Me Mondays!

Friday, November 14, 2008


Well, it's officially that time of year when we need to start planning the baking of the holidays goodies. Around here it seems all goes better if we plan everything. So I am giving the gift of my cookie recipe list that was given to me a long time ago. Go to the link and you can find anything you are looking for!


Close your ears if you don't want to hear this but Christmas is just 5 short Sundays away!?!?!?! Yikes!! So much to celebrate and so little time. I am for the first time in a long time really planning on getting the tree up early. Can't say I promise to get it down in the same fashion. We many years still have a tree up for Valentines Day! I know I know......... it just doesn't seem to get done.

Here you go have fun and go wild!!!!!!!

Now that's alot of cookies!

I am so cracked!!!!!!!

I think by the time all the kiddos have grown I will be the silliest thing you have ever seen. My kids just crack me up all the time with their funny comments and antics! Today Tim and I took the three little kids to a play at the Victoria Theater. The antics of Junie B. Jones kept them all in their seats and laughing for the entire hour. Even Kendall sat on my lap and clapped along with the play. At one point in the play two of the guys were alter characters that happened to be obvious girls. Logan leaned over and said "Mom, I think those are boys?!?! I said yep, I think they are and Logan in his very analitical way said "I bet they were surprised when they came to work today!!" I said what? He said I mean when they came to the theater and got ready for the show I bet they were surprised that they had to be girls part of the time! How funny for his mind to take him immediately there???? That's my 8 yr old, I just LOVE him to pieces.

In all honesty we did enjoy the play and they were wonderful to us getting us an extra seat last minute at a sold out show so Tim could go along. Perfect!

God just keeps those blessings coming!!! Pray for Adrienne and Jim with the birth of their new adopted daughter today. Pray for peace for the birth family and speedy healing for the birth Mom who had to have a c/s. A beautiful 6 14 1/2 baby is now part of the wonderful family!!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Not Me Monday!

Well, I needed to fess up! My life is crazier than a zoo so I will only give a few of the countless Not Me's for this week.

Well, I certainly didn't leave little Kendall "playing ...fussing" in her crib so I could get a just a few more minutes of sleep.

We certainly did NOT as a group (Logan Taylor and I) scramble to clean dusting, sweeping and bathrooms so that we could have a guest on Saturday. Not me I would not have made the boys clean!?!?! I did NOT just stuff the left over dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

We certainly did NOT stack 3 cords of wood so badly that they fell down when almost complete. I did NOT make the boys help me finish it up anyway.

I certainly did NOT go shopping once again for the tiny girl and buy her just "a few" more things that she did NOT need.

I did NOT make extra size meals last week knowing that they would make great left overs since Tim was gone most of the week.

I did NOT get so excited to see our pictures up from the photographers that I actually e-mailed to prod them along. I wouldn't be pushy like that NOT ME! I was so excited with them though that I think you should check them out.

http://www.photoreflect.com/pr3/storesearch.aspx?p=40397 yep, that is us 3 different links under the kids names. llamas is the password..... ssshhhhh don't tell anyone lol!

enjoy your blessings today!

Sometimes you just have to Laugh!

Well, so much for my plan to update 2x a week!!! What can I say life just gets in the way sometimes. After the weekend I thought that I just had to pop in and let you in on our belly laugh.

Like every week Sunday morning can be a bit of a race. Getting 4 people ready to go and out the door in time for Sunday school is a daunting task sometimes. I try to lay out the clothes and get all the bags ready the night before. Well, we started off with a bang Taylor was up and dressed very early ....(thank you daylight savings). I had to wake Logan and get him moving, all the while I am working to get Kendall and myself going. I let Maggie out and fed her, she was back in her cage and we were doing well. I grabbed the heavier fall coats because let me tell you Novemeber has let us know WINTER IS HERE! Logan needed to run out and feed the kittens (8 adorable ones, anyone need a kitten?!?!?!)
So off we went while I grabbed the last few things and made my visual of hemlines on pants and hair. I thought we all did well... off we went to church. I was very excited my Mom was coming down to spend the day with us and we don't get to see her very often so I was thrilled to get the boys into class and get myself organized. Mom got there and we had a wonderful service. Kendall even made it through most of the sermon before needing to go to the nursery for loud **talking**. After wards we all went to lunch at our favorite chinese resturant and then decided to do a bit of shopping.
While at Kohl's looking for pants for the boys I wanted to check the size in Logan's pants and was surprised when I lifted his coat and noticed the metal buckle on his pants in the back?!? I followed it down and then was shocked to see his zipper also was in the back?!!?!? What is the world!!! he was wearing his Arrow dress pants backwards!!! I laughed so hard that I couldn't explain it to her so I had to lift his coat for her to see. Then we both started laughing and couldn't get our breath. The kids are looking at us like we have truly went round the bend and then my phone rang. It was Tiffany and I couldn't even get a word out! I think it was the first time I have laughed that hard in a long time. Within a few minutes we met up with friends and there stood Logan with his hands down and in his pockets..... yes the slash pockets in the back!! A funny day......... a memory that I will haold for years.

I hope that we can have more fun memorys more often ...... just one of the many joys of being MOM!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Well, now things are Clearer!

Over the last few days Kendall has been a bit cranky and not slept as well. I thought maybe that she was getting one of her front teeth. We finally have one top tooth but not the other so I thought that might be it. Tonight while we were playing I layed her back and realized that not only is she getting one tooth but teeth number 5, 6, 7, 8,9, and 10 are coming in!!!! Six in a day!!! Holy smokes, I would cry too! Funny thing is none of them are her missing top front so now she will even have 4 molars but not the right top front. I hope she gets it eventually?!?! lol

In other news keep the praises going for baby Stellan. All is well and he has been released from NICU!!! God is so faithful and good. Stellan has been healed. Also baby Witt has praises coming too. His chromosomes mix-up at this point seems to be with #1 not 18 like previously thought. This is HUGE!!! Now he will be treated like a normal baby and not one thought to have a life span to short to operate on. The family is praising and praying for continued good news.

We are pumpkin carving tonight hopefully tomorrow I will be able to post the shots of the carving and costumes from Trunk or treat. The kids had fun and now we have all this leverage for good behavior with so much candy in the house!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Praying and Praising..........................

God is such an awesome God!!!! Today my heart is full of joy..... I think half of the free worl has been praying for little Stellan and God was faithful to the fullest extent! He entered the world and has taken it by storm. The Drs. don't quite know what to think since he is "surely going to die" ..... well that was at 24 weeks. Given such a grim sentence his Mom did what any Christian Mommy would and got closer and closer to God. And she told someone who told someone who told someone...... and well you get the idea. They can acratch their heads till they are bald and nothing but God himself can explain the outcome.

Although he is being closely monitored for a few tiny issues Stellan is fine.... healthy.... and being bathed in the love of his Mom and Dad!

I also found a blog last night where another family is facing rough waters.... Little Witt is hanging in there struggling along and making strides. No assistance breathing and his heart looks good. I am lifting Witt, his family, and the Drs. for wisdom and healing. This family although I don't know them in real life are clinging to God and waiting for His answers. They are accepting His will for their precious baby. Taking those steps of faith and getting our of the boat on the rough waters. Pray that they keep their eyes firmly on Jesus and don't look away. As long as their gaze is constant they WILL walk on the water through this storm. They even got praise music for the waiting rooms!!! How cool is that....... just another case of little ones being used to draw us closer to God.

Please pray with me for these families!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Lifting a small person

I can't believe it, two posts in one day?!?! Well this is worth the struggle to sit and take a moment. A dear Blogger Mommy Mckmama is sceduled to deliver her tiny little boy tomorrow morning. Little Stellan is God's handywork miracle. At 24 weeks they were told he had irreversable heart issues and would die. With much prayer and faith God has allowed Stellan to grow and improve. Tomorrow he will enter the world and breathe unattached to his Mommy. Things are up in the air for this tiny baby but we know that God's grace and love is with us and this birth. Stellan will live tomorrow. He still has an enlarged heart and some other issues that will need to be addressed. Shortly after birth he will have a battery of tests and I am praying for God's miracluous healing of this tiny baby.

Pray with us for little Stellan........... the c-section is scheduled for 9:30 a.m.


Everybody Loves Raymond...............

Well, I have always thought my life was a bit like Debra's in Everybody Loves Raymond. The typical days and the family puzzle pieces fit in pretty well sometimes. I just have a few more kids in the house....... Today I decided that Men in general just do not get it much of the time. Bless their little hearts I think they try BUT what is it with these guys?!!?

This was part of the phone conversation between my husband and I today.......

Him: So are they working on the garage doors?

Me: Yea,they are here working....

Him: Great!

Me: You weren't planning on them being here?

Him: Well you never know, are they doing it right? Did they bring the keyless entry? How long will they be there?

Me: Well, THEY are one guy about 5 ft tall and maybe 20 yrs old. He said he would be working all day.

Him: But are they doing it right?

Me: Ummmm, I don't know how to put up garage doors, so I am leaving him alone to work.

Him: Well you need to ask about the keyless entry......

Me: I figure that if he doesn't install it we will notice

Him: Better ask him

Me: Okay, later I will make sure he has it.

Him: Oh and tonight after work I am going to Dave's to play cards.

Me: hmmmmm, when is it that I get to "go out" with friends? I have yet to leave the house childless for a night out since Kendall was born.

Him: Well you go out and work and I will stay home with the kids??(yep, yikes he said it)

Me: Excuse me .............. what is it that I do around here everyday??? I go from morning to bed and homeschool the boys in between. Just because you don't pay very well doesn't mean that I don't get to go out other than to the grocery without hearing the famous words...." Hurry up, don't take all day" hmmmm yea, that is my big OUT grocery shopping.

How is it that he doesn't get that?!?! I really enjoy staying with the kids and for the most part I enjoy taking them with me if I have errands or a bit of shopping. I am balancing more balls in the air at once most of the day than he can imagine. I draw the line at taking the crew to the grocery. I need to really concentrate and they are liberal item adders.

I am so glad that God made us different, I love the strengths and weaknesses of each sex. BUT, could we get a little break for the Mom once in a while? I even am told "don't take all day" when I get my hair cut...geeesh.

Okay back to Mommy mode........... if you made it through that possibly childish rant of sorts you get awarded with a peek at Kendall in her Pettiskirt! This was on her birthday and I am only now brave enough to try to figure out how to post a picture.

Give God thanks everyday.................

Monday, October 20, 2008

Not Me Monday

Okay okay I will play with Mckmama and Not Me Monday!You can go there from here... http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2008/09/not-me-mondaythe-complete-rules.html She is an inspirational Jesus-loving Mommy in the trenches with 3 soon to be 4 little ones at home. I am not usually one that can a. figure out how to make all the buttons and links work or b. want to remember the zillions of not-me's in a week! I could scare the scariest with some of my Mommy antics.

Hmmmmmm, okay here goes.

I did NOT quickly open a box of pudding and then toss in a can of pumpkin and fold in whip cream for a harvest party. I did NOT want it to look like I know what I am doing in the kitchen.

I did NOT after whiffing my daughter hand her over to my husband and convince him to change her, telling him he forgot to after she got up. Nope not me!

I did NOT spend hours.multiple hours scanning blogs instead of cleaning

I did NOT give my boys candy to keep them entertained so "I could "blog" some more.

I did NOT yet again shop before tennis lessons and buy "just a few more things" for the tiniest member of the family. You know, the one that has more than the rest of us ...... I wouldn't do that.

I did NOT just put my hair up in a clip because I was too lazy to fix it.

I did NOT sit and watch the same episode of Joyce Meyer 3 times because it was on and I really liked the message.

I did NOT do the weekly grocery shopping while my husband sat in the car with all the kids telling him I only needed a few things (few is in the eye of the beholder right?)

I did NOT tell my husband to turn the wrong way causing us to also send the tow truck in the wrong way that was picking up my daughter's broken down Jeep. I would never do that and of course he did NOT proceed to get furious for embarrassing him in front of the two truck guy you know the guy we will never ever see again. Men..........

Okay enough I don't think I have really scratched the surface but that is all I am admitting to.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Infant loss and Awareness day

Please take a moment and say a prayer for all the little ones that were gone too soon. This is always a day that brings up so much in my mind. I miss not being able to see Mackenzie grow up but know that she is tucked in safe with the angels.

Lots going on here......... Over the last weekend we went as a whole Family to Cedar Point. My Mom and Dad, Brother with his wife and their kiddos, and the whole crew from our house. We had a blast, it was much more crowded than the last time we tried a fall trip but fun was had by all. The boys rode their first REAL rollercoasters. The jury is still our for Taylor, his little eyes and face were about to pop during the first ride. That was the last real rollercoaster for him for the day. Loagn did a bit better but we added the intensity with each one and he got through 4 of them. Cedar Point is a great place to go for thrill rides with 17 coasters and tons of speed rides it was voted vbest thrill park on the planet 10 years running. This time of year you also get the spooky stuff...... haunted houses gouls after dark and such. Tiffany about took my arm off dragging me through the haunted woods! Although this stuff scares her to death she can't seem to stay away from it.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Time for change......

It is quickly becoming one of my favorite times of the year. Right before my eyes the cool green canvas outside is becoming brilliant shades of red and gold. Living in Ohio is not one of the most beautiful states for mountains. What IS beautiful is the 4 very distinct seasons that we have. When it is time for a change in season it is really a lift to my spirits. I love the new life and growth outside in the spring, the hot sunny summers, the cool crisp autumn, and even the cold frozen winters...(okay well I like those from inside the house with a roaring fire to keep us warm). But I do love to be able to marvel at the chages that we have.

With those changes also come the fall and Halloween decorating, pumpkins, cider, and changing leaves. Taylor has been asking... no scratch that.... nagging to try on and play in his new costume since we bought it at 90% off last November! Today I relented and let him put on his new Ninja outfit. HE is so excited. Logan is not as over the top but he also is checking out the costume from the back of the closet. I also bought Kendall's outfit last year, well we bought 2. They were really marked down and I got different sizes so she will either be a witch or a snuggly animal.

We just got back from a trip to Georgia for the South East Regional Llama show and boy was it a long way!!! We drove thinking that it would give us more time and flexibility in what we took. It was Kendall's first trip with Daddy, so far my Mom has went along to take care of her on these trips. I think they got along very well and she traveled very well for a 13 month old. It was about 10 hours in the car, we tried to work it around her sleeping schedule. The strange thing was while down there for the southern half of Tennesse and the Nrthern half of Georgia there was NO gas! The news said that 1 out of 10 stations was the average of stations that had any. People were trying to keep their tanks from running empty, it was really eerie and sad. It made us realize how all of this "real" world could crumble in a matter of days without something like that. Thankfully God's grace is much deeper than the surface security that we all seem to cling to.

Back soon...............

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Ike in Ohio?!?!

Well, it has been longer than I would have liked in getting back to the blog. This starting back at school month has been a long one. In the middle just when you think you have it all under control God zaps you. Why is it that every once in awhile I seem to be plugging along forgeting to check in with the Big Guy, take my concenrs and problems to him??? Well hurrican Ike gave our area a wake-up call last week. There are still many homes that have no power 9 days later. Thankfully we were only out of power for a short time (30+ hours) and the foods didn't thaw and the water tanks for the stock didn't dry up. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the fmailies that this weather has affected.

Keep praying for little Stellan, his heart issues are not over. He is fighting but he is needing our prayers. Pray for his Mom and Dad too. The pain in knowing that you are caring a child that is life threateningly ill is so hard. Also, keep my dear sweet friend in your prayers that is dealing with "coming to Jesus" again and the hardships her family is going through during the journey. Life is so good and so often we don't take the time we need to to feed "in the word". My walk right now has me "hungry" in a way that I have never been. God is speaking to me and my life is a roller coaster. Please let me dicern this information and put it to God's glory.

Also, please someone give me the answer to this one. I ordered from a website, no paypal available. I ordered a VERY special gift for my Dear friend Nancy. A twin angel suncatcher for her daughter. Nancy's sweet babies went to be with Jesus last month and I wanted to give Isabel this to hang in her bedroom window. Problem is they ordered it, sent me a confirmation, charged my credit card, and then disapeared. Well, the site is still there but no contact from my e-mail or phone inquiries. What do I do????? It just makes me so mad!!!! I would have paid more for the item,........ I just wanted it to help mend a little girls heart.


Saturday, September 13, 2008

Kids say the darndest things................

I have always told myself I need a pad and paper to write down all the quips that my kids have come up with through the years. The boys went to Tiffany's boyfriends softball game the other night and the boys were in rare form. They were very well-behaved but the comments that kept innocently coming out of Taylor's little mouth were pretty funny..... like loudly saying "Why can't those guys catch the Ball" or "Wow, I bet THAT guy can't run very fast". I on the other hand wanted to. Then Logan at one point in the game all the sudden yells FIRE!!!!! Loudly and honestly.... "I see smoke". Well, the guy in the second row that had lit a cigarette probably got a real chuckle. But some of the people seemed a bit annoyed. What can you do we live in a smoke free zone.

We are almost ready for picture time again. Kendall needs her 1 year picture and the boys need their yearly shots. Our trouble right now is since we wanted these to be outside pictures we need a dry sunny day. Not so easy with so much hurricane activity. Not that we are anywhere near the REAL hurricane areas but we get the risidual rain. I have been praying for the families that have been in hurricane paths this last few weeks.

off to pay bills.............. what a way to spend a Saturday night!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Just too special for earth.

Today has been an emotionally draining day for me. As you see by my hurried and not so pretty post from yesterday, my dear friend Nancy had been in the hospital with her twin yet-to-be-born daughters in peril. Even through the prayers from every corner of the earth her sweet babies were delivered and went straight on up to heaven at 22 weeks and 1 day.

The sorrow I feel for Nancy her husband and their daughter is engulfing me. Her contractions broke through all meds and the babies were delivered. I am in awe of all that Nancy did to give these little girls the best chance. She had been in bed half upside down for weeks. She would have done it for months if she could have. The love of a Mother to her babies is an incredible thing. God gave us such capacity to love and nurture, and such depth of sorrow when we loose our children. Her babies were born still so they didn't struggle, she has great peace in that. She and her husband got to hold, cuddle the girls, and have them blessed. Those were all important to her and blessings that she will cling to in the days ahead. They are grieving for babies that should be tucked away safe growing and meeting them in November.

I feel angry that these tiny lives loved and wanted so much are taken so soon. I know that they are "better off" in heaven........ but their broken families are in such pain. I know for us when we lost Mackenzie I felt like the world had just fell apart. I couldn't understand how any good could ever come from me loosing my baby. Now, although I still would love to have her here with us I can see that she has made a difference in many lives and without loosing her we would have never had Kendall. So I have to wait awhile to hold her in my arms but she will always be my daughter. Anyway, I guess the long and short of it is those sweet babies were here for only a moment.

I feel so broken for Nancy and her family, but I know that they will all be together again, they were just too special for earth.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Please pray and pass the word

I am trying to get as many people as I can to be praying for my friend Nancy. I belong to a board of infertility women. Nancy has had so many trials on the way to bringing her 2nd baby into the world. She and her husband have a beautiful little 7 year old girl. She has longed to add a sibling for Isabela. Nancy had a miscarraige a little over a year ago and then with much prayer and help she got pregnant with twin girls. Everyone was so excited and thankful for her pregnancy. At 17 weeks she started to have problems. She was initially put on bedrest and then admitted to the hospital. Over the last couple days she has had increased problems and last night at 22 weeks the water of one of the babies has broken. They have named the babies Lucy and Georgia, as you can imagine they are terrified and heartbroken. The doctors are not giving much hope but I know that God can turn this all around if he chooses. We are praying for grace and his will, praying for a bit more time and the ability to accept what God does ultimately choose. They are so close to viability, please give these babies strength.

I feel helpless for them and have been building a prayer life everywhere I can.

thank you so much............................ your sister in Christ

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Wow! Wrap your head around this one...

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind". Romans 12:2

Wow! Boy is this one for me. I have been searching for a verse that I can work on and put to use. I kept waiting for prompting in some direction. I thought maybe it would be a verse on judging. I have a real habit of being full of advice for others and not always be able to see the log in my own eye. But this is the one that jumped off the page and called to me.

I have been trying real hard to put my faith where my mouth is lately. With the help of Joyce Meyer ( no not in person, I watch her everyday now) I have learned that being a Christian is a call to action. My Christian life seemed to be great, I had ask God into my life years ago. I went to church almost every Sunday, Listened patiently to my boys as they pray at night, I also prayed every night before bed, didn't drink, smoke, swear. Gosh I thought I must have it all together. WRONG! My walk with Christ was a surface walk, not an intimate relationship with Christ. I am called to continue to read and pray, spread the gospel, and talk to God all day long. I should be a reflection of his behavior, everyday all the time. People should be able to see God in me. I should be able to see the joy in everyday. Well, gosh how can I do that if I live "as the world lives"? Instead of blindly foolowing along with the world I need to use God's rules and life as my meter. I know better and now with this verse I will do better.

Things are starting to pop around here! Next week is a big birthday week at our house. Kendall will be 1 on the 13th, Tim will be (hmmmm older) on the 14th, and Taylor will be 6 on the 16th. We are having a big party to celebrate on Saturday. I was hoping the sunroom would be done and we could have our party there but we are a long way from that so we will be in the house.

Praying and praising God everyday............

Thursday, July 31, 2008


My life is an ever changing billboard. Sometimes there is joy sometimes sadness. Like most humans I hates those valleys of despair and saddness. But am so greatful and reveled by the peaks that we find ourselves on. Though my life is far from perfect now I find myself in a place of praise and gratitude. I seem to be "stepping into" the word more and more. On a daily basis God is showing me himself and I am so thirsty for the word, in a way that I have never been before. Circumstances just keep leading me to the stream, I hear God say "drink and you shall thirst no more". It really means something now! I am reading and understanding the words on the page of my Bible. I have immersed myself in the Christian music that feeds my soul. If you have Direct TV go to channel 338. If not scan your channels!! I found the gospel music channel quite by accident and love the message it brings. I have been searching those "other" stations, you know the ones that you never sheck out. I have found so much. I listen and learn from Joyce Meyer every day. Ed Young if I can find him and Beth Moore Bible study comes to my house every Wednesday! I can feel the holy spirit in these teachings. Like it says in John 8:32 Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

I can feel the ropes being cut and being free to move. It is so hard to explain but today if Jesus called me out of the boat on the shoppy waters I could get out and walk to Jesus. The waters would not win over me, those words of doubt would not cause me to sink. I know my life is not perfect, please don't misunderstand........... the bills and issues are still there. But I have complete faith that God will provide what we need while we are here on this earth. What could be better? I hope your day is a blessed one. God is pressing on me to make sure that if you don't know the love of God and how he can change your life that you should send me a comment. I will do my best to let God speak through me to help you find the grace and peace that fills my soul.

Until next time......

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Fun in the sun!

Over the last week or so I have tried to connect with friends and neighbors in the area. Before we know it the snow will fly and we will all retreat to our houses. Last night the Fare's girls, Karen, Simone and Shelby, joined us at the community pool and then a trip to the kids hands down favorite McDonald's. What is it about that place?!?! Kids absolutely LOVE the food. It was fun to see how big the kids are getting and how they get along so well. Simone and the boys just took off diving, jumping going down the slide you name it they were all fearless. Little Shelby was not so fast to jump and splash. The water is still a bit of a scarey thing to her, she did however try the water slide with the big kids .......once! That was all it took to realize that at the end of the slide she would be getting wet! It was fun to sit chat and poke fun at our wonderful husbands.

I also have a heavy heart with another situation that a dear friend and Christian Mom is going through. Her marriage is being tested and her life is at a hands down lay it all down before God place. It hurts so much to here the pain in her voice. She has wonderful children that are also being affected in a terrible way. God has designed us to be in family units. I can't imagine that God ever urges us to abandon the family or our children. Satan gets such a grip on our lives at some times he throws such convincing darts. The doubt and the ease of his path is so hard to resist. We are creatures of comfort and the easy path sounds appealing and Satan is so good at twisting our hearts and deceiving us. I have been praying for awakening, a time to just be still and listen to God's voice.
God is so good, he wants for us to have a rich and full life. We just have to listen and obey. It doesn't happen by accident.

Keep praying..............

Friday, July 11, 2008

He didn't even stay around!

Well, it again has been several days. My hope is to devote a bit of time each day to journaling some of the "action" that we have and some of the peace that God gives me to get through the day.

As we returned home after dropping the boys off for a visit to see my parent and stay with "the cousins" Kendall and I had just began the 2+ hr drive and I was settling in for the long trip. She was content and I had just got the phone number connected to a high school friend I hadn't talked to in many years.(with my blue tooth of course) Then over a small rise there he was! A deer!!! With no option I honked and slammed on the brakes. It just wasn't moving......... I panicked and watched as we hit the backside of the deer and pieces of my van went flying. I found a place to turn and went back to see if the deer was in the road. Not sure what I would have done if it was there but it was gone. My prayers went to hoping that I hadn't mortally wounded the deer. We continued home and almost hit a second deer on our road. Tim was understanding but now the car needed repair.

So today I have spent the better part of the morning running the car in and finding out that it is not drivable right now. Now I am working with the rental car place to get our rental so the kids and I can go to Indiana tomorrow for a family reunion. If I don't show up my MOm may just disown me. At almost 11 months Kendall has not met many from her sode of the family.

Have a blessed day and remember to step out of your comfort zone to be a blessing to someone else.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Time to reflect

I seem to find that my life runs in clumps.... sections that can be sorted and catagorized. I like things orderly and in its place. One of my control issues I guess. My groups are kind of
"Before Kindergarten"
"Elementary School"
"High School and Getting to Know God"
"Marriage Chapter One"
"The Girls Arrive and Grow"
" Life with Llamas"
"Betrayal and Lies"
"A New Beginning"
"The Boys"
"A Surprise that Changed Us Forever"
" A Miracle to Hold"

I think that takes us to the present. My life has never felt chearer to me. My Bible never as interesting as it seems to be now. It is almost as though I can taste the moment. Life isn't perfect, I still have laundry and dust, bills are still pouring in, I miss having Courtney here at home with us, and our building project seems to be never ending but at the same time I know in my heart that God is in control, he will handle the details. I know in my heart that the things that really matter are taken care of. 3 years ago after being surprised with a pregnancy I thought my world was falling in with the words of a Dr. Everything looks good "EXCEPT" Those words were the beginning of change for me. Loosing a baby that was almost here. I never dreamed I would be one of the many "marked Mom's". The ones that all belong to the same club, the club nobody wants to join. But without choice you join and you change. My life was marked with grief and despair, June 17 we lost Mackenzie. I had to be a Mom to 4 other kids so I couldn't just retreat to my bed. I treaded through the next months mourning the loss of our sweet baby. Then in the fall I just knew in my heart that I needed to have another baby. Tim was not so sure. I really wanted to try again but he wasn't even interested in talking about it. He got so tired of me talking about it that he made me promise not to bring up the idea till after Christmas. My first comment on New Year's Day was "Well, you remember what we are going to talk about?" Tim was not impressed....... he knows me well. I already had adoption information ready for him to look at. Unfortunately, he was not comfortable with adoption, in the states it is too hard to be sure that in the end the baby in yours and International Adoptions require lengthy stays before things are final. He did not want to leave the boys for any length of time. He finally agreed to try IVF for another baby.

In February I got a call from Elizabeth, one of the playgroup Mom's I had known since Logan was born. She knew all about loosing Mackenzie and wanted to talk to me about her carrying a baby for us. Although I was very touched I told her that I really wanted to carry a baby myself. We went to the Reproductive Dr. and took a class about IVF. Wow!!! Talk about a lot of shots. We got all set-up I got a box of drugs and needles and off we went. After our first retrieval we got 4 eggs, they PGD'd them to make sure that they didn't have any problems and the day before we were to put them back we got the devastating news that none of the 4 were normal. Back to the land of the dark!!! I took it very hard, I just knew that there was supposed to be one more baby. I was also told that 4 bouts of hyper emesis had taken a toll on my veins and that my thyroid was not really in any shape to carry a pregnancy.

Elizabeth called again, I dismissed it. Elizabeth called again, finally this time I listened to her tell me that she felt God was calling her to carry a baby for us. Tim was not listening yet, he felt like we were just being hormonal and was worried about how Elizabeth would feel when the baby was born. Elizabeth called again, this time telling me that at a stop sign she heard the voice once again tell her this was something she needed to do. I talked to Tim till I was blue in the face and finally after many weeks of pouting he said fine, your going to pout till you get your way. Although I felt bad about the puting I was overjoyed to hear him say OK.

Now the Dr. hunt was on, we were turned down time after time. Nobody wanted to get involved with this situation. She could change her mind things could get sticky. Finally we found a Dr. willing to help out. Score! Then we had to find a legal expert to draw up the proper papers. Another sticky thing to find but we stumbled on one of the formost in the country and she even lived and worked close to us. Score again! On our first appointment to the Dr. he told us Elizabeth was about 2 days from where we needed to be. We scrambled into place to get everything in order. One IUI later and a lot of stress due to scheduling and Elizabeth was pregnant!!! She had told me that she thought we would have a girl, in my heart I wanted a healthy baby so much but a girl on top would be my dream. The pregnancy was not easy for Elizabeth and she ended up in the hospital with kidney infection and then was taken off work 12 weeks before her due date. It was a very different pregnancy for me. Hard to not be a part of it but for the first time ever I felt good with a baby on the way. I decided I wanted to name the baby after Tim's Dad Kenneth. So girl or boy I wanted to name the baby Kendall Grace or John after my Dady for a boy. Tim hated it ...... it took a lot of begging and the attorney prenaming after casually asking if we were thinking about names to get my way on her name. Now I can't imagine her as anything else.

More of the story next time.............................. my eyes are getting heavy!

Thursday, June 26, 2008


I seem to wait for it every year with excitement..... Summer. All seems more relaxed. School is in low-gear and the days are long. Clothes are lighter and so are meals. Just about the time we get into good swing it seems that summer is already passing the mid mark and we are faced with the 4th of July. The heat starts to become stuffy and we retreat inside to be "cool" humidity here in Ohio can be stifling. Our 14 llamas fight for spots infront of the large fans in the barn. The cats stretch out and sun themselves. Yep, it is summer. I find it completely refreshing that I live in an area that has 4 distinctive seasons. You yearn for each one and by the time you have had enough another rolls around.

Over the past 3 years I feel that I have been transforming into something else. A different person than I was before. Still a Mother, Wife, and Daughter.... but more. I have been a Christian since I was a teenager, but I think for me being a Christian has been an evolving process. I think that when I heard Jesus calling many times I must have also said "Just a minute" (darn that A type personality). So the nudging would continue and I gave a few more bits of myself but always held onto parts. Feeling that I could handle things better, not wanting to let go of the control.

What a gracious God we serve. Not once, not twice but over and over he called and patiently waited for me. I was always so wrapped up in the moment. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am extremely stubborn and strong-willed. In January of 2005 I think that God decided to kick things into high gear. I started to feel really "off", upset stomache and overall yucky. This was a feeling I had had before, but it seemed impossible. I have dealt with fertility all my adult life, needing a boost to get pregnant. But the signals were starring me in the face so started to keep track of my symptoms. About 2 weeks later I told Tim I was prengant, after he picked himself up off the floor he didn't believe me. Well a home pregnancy test later he still didn't believe it but the line was definant. I scheduled an appointment with the OB and ask to be connected to IV fluids. I get severe hyperemesis when I am pregnant and so I thought if we got a jump start things might not get so bad.

Wrong, I was so sick so sick. And in disbelief, a bit upset in the beginning. How would I take care of the 2 youngest boys, we had just started homeschool, and do all that I needed to around the farm? It took a few weeks but we all started to get a bit more excited about the new prospects. Tim was wonderful, he knew how sick, upset, and worried I was. He quickly had me as happy as he was, we were going to have another baby! I truely deep down hoped for pink this time but really started to get happy no matter pink or blue. We were very busy, the older kids had a High school band trip and we had prom and graduation for Tiffany. Life was a struggle but good, we were really looking forward to our level II ultrasound. One of the highlights of my horrendous pregnancies, normally I was sick most of the pregnancy, tossing your cookies so many times a day that you wore a path to the bathroom. Yea, that kind of sick. Anyway when we got to the appointment I don't think I ever could have been prepared for what we heard. I always just "knew" that all was fine. This time the news was not the same, first we got to see the baby.....a few moments later It's a girl!!!..... And for those brief 10 minutes I felt so blessed. Then my world crashed down around me, in 4 little words.... "Everything looks good EXCEPT" ...... except what?!?! My mind was racing, They told us that we would need further tests but our little girl had a severe heart defect. We were crushed but still sure we would be okay. At the same time we got news back from routine bloodwork that my thryiod was dangerously out of whack. Over the next two weeks I don't think either of us slept. We prayed, and prayed. Our church and friends prayed. On June 17th we lost our sweet baby. Boom...darkness. I felt like the floor had dropped out from under my feet. Life changed........... I still am not sure why....... why were we given a blessing at such cost? Over the course of the next few years God has called..... I have followed giving more but still holding onto "something" I frankly don't know what. What was I waiting for? We were given an incredible "gift" with baby Mackenzie and I will Always be in aws and thankful to Elizabeth for her unselfishness in blessing us with our last daughter. That in itself will be a blog one day soon. In the fall of 2005 I became driven... or crazy my husband would say about having another child. I knew God had another planned for us. We went through way too much IVF processes to find that I should never be pregnant again. Between my shot veins due to som nay IV's and thyroid it would be dangerous. During this time I became involved with an online Mom's support group for infertility and one just for Mom's. I love these groups of ladies. All support all the time.......... It helped to heal my soul. A short time ago one of the Mom's was put on bedrest and a link to her blog was given. I kept seeing "blinkies" about this Mom so a hopped over to see who she was. I found that she was in pre-term labor and she was 21 weeks pregnant. The same as I was when I lost Mackenzie. She was begging for prayers for her baby. I prayed and kept checking in (I still do Megan) 1 day I looked at her favorite blogs and one caught my eye. Audrey Caroline.... hmmm I opened the blog and my life is different. Angie the blog author is a wonderful Christian Mom who in the middle of her own grief is calling others to God. She is such a sweet spirit, so 3 years after our loss, the unfinished business of grieving is complete. I have healed by her words, and have new faith in Christ. Once I figure out how to link her blog I will post it here. She is a wonderful tranparent woman. God's words through her are so strong, her grief is overwhelming but she and now I can run to the cross.

Enough rambling for today....goodness where did all that come from? If you have time pray for Angie, her sister in law Nicole and their babies they long to hold. Read Psalms 84 and pray....... Thanks

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Well............ Here I am

It seems hard to believe that I have my own BLOG!!! What a riot, I am the same person that can't seem to defrag my computer and need my husband Tim to load, install or change anything outside changing an ink cartridge. Welcome in................... just hang onto your seats because in this household of 7 we rarely sit still for long and the unexpected happens everday.

I guess introductions are in order there is my husband Tim and myself and then we have 6 kiddos to make the bunch. 5 here and 1 in heaven, 3 Girls Tiffany 21, the oldest and most "in charge". she is in college to be a nurse. Courtney 19, is our "animal whisper". A gift she was given since birth, she is also in college and working for the summer. Then we have Logan, 7 he is our "professor". Quite a sharp guy who also has some of those strong personality genes. Taylor 5, is our sports nut and "soft-heart". Mackenzie 3, is our heavenly little one, we lost her when I was 21 wks pregnant. Then our real miracle Kendall is just 10 months. Speaking of Kendall I hear her prtesting loudly from her room. Nap time is over!

Thanks for reading!