Well, we made another year. It is so hard for me to feel like I have all the details just right before my head hits the pillow Christmas Eve night. When I finally get to bed it seems a blink before the kids are up and stirring. Taylor is always ready and excited in the morning. Logan and the big kids actually just wouldn't mind waiting and sleeping a bit more after our marathon Christmas Eve. Today was pretty special we all got to be relaxed. Well, other than the Monkey Bread sweet and ever so sticky sauce running down my leg, the cupboard, my slippers, and on the rug. Yea...... oh well.
As I sat and watched the bedlam of everyone opening, and playing with their gifts it was such a sight, Tiffany looking at her new Ipod, Tim setting up the Wii for the boys and Kendall feeding not one but all three babies she got for Christmas.... well she fed them and then tossed them over her shoulder. New form of burping I guess...
As I peeled the potatoes for our meal I truely felt a peace that I haven't felt for over three and a half years. I thought I had log since left the depression and weight of the loss of Mackenzie behind me. I now see that the 3 years of grief is aptly set. Although I left "the dark" in the fall of 2006, I don't think I truely was able to set aside the grief and feel joy about the time I had with Mackenzie instead of the pain of what we had lost. All the "if only's" kept me captive till this season. I have felt blessed but still kept a hand firmly on the grief.
I have led such a blessed life, full of mountains and valleys. Sometimes such deep valleys that I couldn't see the light. During those times I clung to and drew closer to God. I wouldn't give up those times for anything now. They were necessary for my walk and faith.
So, as I sit on a mountain top...... daily life issues swirling around me I am so glad that Jesus came and walked the earth. I am glad he taught those who would listen, healed those that were broken, and in the end of his human time died a painful death so that I might live. His stain-free perfect life for my retched-sin filled life. I am so unworthy, but life is promised if only we take the time to ask. To be willing to try to spread the good news of Jesus.
Have a Merry Christmas.............
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