Sunday, March 13, 2011


For the last couple weeks I have been almost overcome with emotions... My heart is just plain hurting for families that I don't even really know. I may have met them in real life or maybe only through the big wide web. But there is a common thread with these families. Children. Not just any children but children with challenges... Kate, Aiden, Gwendolyn, Sophia, Cash, Lucy, Annabelle, Bennett, and tiny twins Lucy and Noah.

Every night I sit in my chair crocheting hats and my mind just spins. I know a long time ago before I was even born there was a plan in place..... a plan that was laid for my life. It just amazes me to know that before I was born, God knew the plan of my life. He knew all the ups and downs, he knew I would be a terrible failure at times and he knew the journey my life would take. In time there is b.c. and then a.d. For me my b.c. was life before Mackenzie. That was a turning point in my life, she literally had more impact on my life in the 21 weeks and 3 days than you would imagine possible.

My journey has brought me to a place where I can say I truly feel I belong, I can feel that God is plotting my steps and most of the time I willing walk and even skip sometimes along the path. Raising my kids, watching my older girls sprout wings and starting a business that benefits others. Through the business I have been acquainted to so many families..... too many families sometimes. Families with medical challenges with their precious children. My heart wants life to be kind and fun, sunny days no rain on the horizon. But, in life there is rain, there must be rain, rain that sometimes comes with thunder and lightning, and with rain comes so many blessings. I know that without the rain there would be no colorful flowers popping through the ground. I remember one time watching a family go through the grief of loosing a child and thinking "I could NEVER walk through that, I would crawl in the closet and not come out". Then one day the unthinkable happened and we lost a precious miracle baby girl. She was taken. Just like that. Then I found that on June 17th when I crawled into our car and headed home with no baby that I "could" do "that". I could put on foot in front of the other. Don't be fooled, I didn't skip, run, heck I sometimes fell to the ground and just cried. BUT, I did "make it". On that journey I learned many things about myself and my God. He was there right beside me. He cried right there with me. He carried us right where we were.
From our grief I have learned that Mackenzie's life I was given a heart for others. I was given a chance to be a blessing to others. That maybe I could take a portion of their pain and help them navigate.

Our business tries through our Hats for Hope to get custom made hats for kids and adults going through chemo and other hair stealing disease. If they are old enough we try to involve them in the design and color of the hats. Our deal is easy, you pick a bucket hat, we make it and send it to you and you send us a picture wearing the hat. The faces we see peering out from under the hats melt our hearts. Their smiles enjoying wearing the hats is wonderful. Knowing that even if only a moment they are having fun and smiling. One of the little girls just stole my heart. Little Kate....... 6 years old and such a spunky spirited little girl. We watched and prayed as she went through treatment last year for aggressive brain cancer. We just absolutely rejoiced when her scan came back that she was cancer-free! Now almost 6 mo later her families world has come to a screeching halt as she has once again been diagnosed with brain cancer. In a way I came to the same screeching halt. I just wanted to ignore this, it hurt too much. Sweet Kate was supposed to be okay now.... but her journey with this nasty disease is not over. More treatment, more discomfort, more uncomfortable unknowing. My heart became broken for her and her family. Her parents and her siblings, they all walk this walk.

So back to the title of the post. Yesterday I opened the mail and found myself in tears. Sweet Kate's picture was staring back at me, a reminder that we need to get even more prayer warriors on their knees for this amazing little girl. This card came out of the blue and gave me the familiar tap on the shoulder to call people to pray. To let them know that we would be calling others to pray. The Dr's. are giving less positive outcomes this time than last. This family is coming to grips with the brutal reality that their sweet 6 yr old once again must endure a painful treatment that will no don't leave her sick and without her beautiful golden locks. They have amazed me with not only they're take charge let's go attitude but also they're unwavering faith and transparency.

So now I see I have been a bit like Jonah..... God has been tugging the line and I have been trying to duck and hide. Don't get me wrong, I pray for sweet Kate many times a day. She is one of many children that we pray for on a regular basis. But I am feeling that God is wishing me to do more........ The unexpected card in the mail reminded me of that. So before I am swallowed into the belly of a whale (can I just say ewwwwwww) I am going to do just that. Please pray for Sweet Kate, aren't her eyes just plain beautiful?? almost haunting......

My god is the same today as he was before this relapse for Kate. He healed her before and he will again. My prayers are for healing this side of heaven and peace for this family.

1 comment:

Zoey's mom said...

For some reason this quote came to me as I was writing:

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears." ~John Vance Cheney

Zoey is one of your blessed recipients of a most beautiful hat.We treasure it beyond words.Your unselfish sharing of your time and talent and most especially of your precious Mackenzie,has been a gift.

Your heart Penny,is over flowing with love and kindness and prayer and it is an inspiration to see God working through in such incredible ways.

I understand so little of the journey we have walked the last 2 years.The loss of so many of our friends,and still others,that my heart does not want to believe,to follow.His plan sometimes difficult to see through the pain but still I keep my eyes facing forward and try desperately to not dwell on that which is out of my control.And I know you do the same.But in some moments it is easier than others.

Praying for Kate.Praying for them all.