Not me Monday...... well, Monday night

It's been awhile since I have played along with this game. You see I most certainly DO have it altogether and just haven't had any "Not Me's". But over the last week things must have slipped.... well just a bit.

Kendall has not over the last couple weeks decided that anytime she is eating that she should immediately when our back is turned "wear" her food. Last week she proclaimed I air (wear) nana ering (banana earings) When I turned back around from washing the dishes she had NOT cleverly placed bananas in her ears. Nope, not my baby girl!

I did NOT once again want to torch my van. Van issues,.... yet again. The bain of my existence! I did NOT chant to myself Dave Ramsay's words. "Live like no one else so you can live like no one else." Which I think we are probably doing, this van is on the fritz more than it isn't. Spring 2011 is our target for a new car..... yea right. By then we will be walking!

I have NOT been getting my behind kicked in the Kendall potty training arena. She is NOT proving to be the most challenging child yet. She is very willing, also willing the next few minutes in her pull up. I did NOT agree with myself to wait till spring and then go back on my word to myself.

I took Courtney, Logan, and Taylor snow skiing last week. First time for all of them. I opted to not ski and help, coach, and photograph them. I was not almost brought to tears as they just took right off. I also did NOT run UP the ski slope in my shoes under the lift the first trip up for the little boys. I was totally NOT planning on catching them when they fell out. I did NOT shock the lift operator at the top of the hill, when I explained that I needed to be there since it was there first time. He in turn did NOT look at me like I was a wild woman. I also did not get questioned from ski patrol in a conversation something like this.... Patrol: Mam, you don't have on skis????? Me: Oh, really?... I just got in a hurry and needed to make sure my boys could do the lift alone. Patrol... Mam, you may not be on the slope without equipment! Me..... okay heading back down, thanks..... (like I was NOT already running down trying to follow my boys. I would NEVER do that!

I have NOT completely ripped out Courtney's hat twice now! I would never gauge my daughters head SO wrong,I would never make her bucket hat so big we called it a chip bowl!

We did not as a family loose our sweet dog Maggie. I have NOT cried buckets everyday since. I have NOT cancelled all apointments until I can get a handle on my emotion. I would NEVER get so upset over a pet....

The heart of loss.............................

I didn't intend on writing this post for a long time..... a really long time. You see I gave a big part of my heart away the week of Christmas 2007. I drove myself and my 6 week old baby to New York to buy a puppy. A special puppy that I had looked for for over a year, a puppy to fill the gap because our beautiful wonderful Standard Poodles Lilly and Chloe were getting older and I wanted to not be "dogless" if anything happened to them. We wanted to fit a dog into the family for an easier transition.

A dear friend and veterinarian of mine had a contact and the breeder was so nice and easy to work with. Logan and I made the long trip to New York together. The weather was horrible! Driving along the water with the lake effect made the travel a bit dicey but my trusty Jeep got us there. We drove most of the way and found a great new hotel to stay the night. When I laid my eyes on Maggie I was in love.... she was beautiful. A bit straggly, needed a bath from the kennel smell but I loved her. I loaded her up and off we went, she looked so afraid, so scared. I got her home gave her a bath and got her settled in. When the girls got back we boxed her up with a big bow and yelled surprise! They opened the box and there inside was this cute, tiny, scared puppy. From there she has been a joy to our family. We did so much together. She taught me the ropes in the dog ring, a true champion! We didn't fit the dog ring business very well. Maggie wanted to race the other dogs around the ring. I on the other hand just couldn't justify baths between classes and the silence between competitors.

She was a part of the poodle trio. Lilly and Chloe would dig the hole and Maggie would jump in head first and pull out ground moles. She loved to ride but hated to get there, she was uncomfortable being away. We liked to take her with us but felt so bad for her when she didn't feel comfortable. Those eyes of hers just made me melt ..... she was my joy right along with my kids. Don't get me wrong I was not Maggies "Mom". She was our pet, but that made her no less an equal part of our family. I spent the last several years sitting with her in my chair beside me at night.

I bothers me now to remember that there was time when I didn't like to share my chair. It upsets me to think that now. I would do almost anything to have her right beside me. My boys grew up with Maggie, Logan especially was a protector of Maggie. He has that "gene" that I do, I am sure I got it from my Dad, and my Grandma before him. We love animals, we have a heart for them and can't pass by and not care for them. I think that is why I have 20 stray cats even though my husband hates cats. It is a drive that I can't stop, I need to nurture kids and animals. Maggie made friends with everyone who came through the door.

Over the last year Maggie seemed to get old, she seemed to slow down and she seemed to have lost a lot of the hearing. I chalked it up to her being 9 years old. She just seemed to be cuddlier. At Christmastime she stopped eating her whole bowl of food each day. She also started to cough when she got up. I knew this was a sign of heart failure. But I was sure this was a slow thing..... we had plenty of time with her. In January she had 2 "spells". She seemed to have pain and then she was nuerologically impaired the first time and the second she seemed to "pass out" briefly.... I told myself we still had plenty of time. She still sat with me, jumping up into my chair everytime I sat down until about 2 weeks ago. She just couldn't make the jump anymore. I still had time ...... plenty of time.

It all came to a head last weekend, Friday she just seemed off and sad. Her eyes just didn't jump anymore. She actually didn't even finish her treats, my radar went off the screen and I started to panic. Thankfully my Mom and Courtney were visiting for the weekend so I could take the boys and Courtney skiing for the first time. It was comforting to have my Mom here. She gives me the strength I can't find when she is 2 hours away. We skied and had a great time, my Mom stayed and had one on one time with Kendall. When we got home we brought sandwiches and Maggie and I shared a few bites. She ate and I felt better, well I told myself I did anyway. I knew in the deep part of my mind that time was short I think, but I didn't want to even start to accept that thought.

You see Maggie was my confidant she had been with me during the dark. The time in my life that the wheels came right off the bus...... the time during the level II ultrasound I was told "Everything looks good, EXCEPT". EXCEPT..... those words still send chills up my spine and echo in my ears. Yes, I am at peace with Mackenzie not being here with us... her purpose was filled. But the memories of that day and those that followed still sting. My dog was there when my family wasn't, long passed the time Tim didn't talk about her I needed to. Maggie was there for me, I truly think she was what held me from falling all the way in. She always could listen and I didn't cause her any pain to hear my stories.

Courtney and I got up and ran out to get her birthday gift, I told her on the way that I thought Maggie would be fine. She seemed a bit out of it that morning but she would be fine. I wouldn't let her be anything else. But that wasn't up to me... I came in and she was having a hard time. She couldn't walk more than a few steps and she would have to lay down. When I let her out she had a hard time making it off the steps, then as I watched her struggle to walk straight out in the drive I knew I needed to be there for Maggie this time. My heart started to panic and then the common sense popped in. It was a Saturday and it was getting late, the vets office would not be open very late. If she got worse how would I handle it. How could I protect my sweet dog. So I made the call, I cried..... I cried and I made a soft spot in a box for Maggie. I gently sat her in the flat box and we went to take away her pain. When I looked in her eyes she wasn't there anymore, she looked so sad and so tired. They took us in quickly and then we seemed to wait for ever. Maggie slept soundly only moving once. I on the other hand cried buckets for my dog... the dog that meant so much to me ....... the one that soon would be gone forever. I wanted to pick up the box and run! I knew that made no sense and would not honor my dog, she deserved better.

They came in and with great compassion helped my sweet dog to go to sleep. And I cried...... so many tears...... I miss her terribly. I mark the day, I cry, and I miss her.... Well I always hear writing makes it all feel better, if so why am I sitting here crying? I know I will feel better someday. I know a new dog is NOT what I need. I know time will heal this wound, and I know that Maggie isn't in pain anymore. I just don't know when I will stop crying.......

Wordless Wednesday

Well, not quite wordless...... am I ever? Survivor is coming up again and Kendall is READY! She may not be a complete fashion plate but I frozen blizzard Ohio this is as close as you get.

Survivor .... the newest series

Anyone who knows my family knows that we are Survivor NUTS! We absolutely love it and even the smallest of the group knows that Thursday means Vivor "Survivor" .. and a pizza party. I saw this on a blog and had to repost..... I want to see THIS version... how about you?
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men
will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports
and take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must
take care of his 3 kids;

keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,

complete science projects,
cook, do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money.

In addition, each man
will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child
to a doctor's appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes
for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside, and keeping it
presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television
when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs,
wear makeup daily, adorn
themselves with jewelry,
wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished,
and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, back aches, head aches,
have extreme, unexplained mood swings
but never once complain or slow down
from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings and
church, and find time at least once to spend
the afternoon at the park or a similar
setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning,
feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be
required to know all of the following information:
each child's
birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size,
doctor's name,
the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,

and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...
he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over and over
again for the next 18-25 years,
eventually earning the right
to be called Mother!

Can we do it?.......

Well, if you have little kids or are a Grandparent you can answer that one. In the word of Bob the Builder..... YES, we can! I saw awesome and fabulous things come of a Mom and Dad with a very special little girl named Gwendolyn. They had a dream of treatment and ultimately a cure for the cruel disease SMA. This grass roots foundation won the #6 spot in the Chase Community Give and was awarded 100,00.00 to help fund research. How did they do it you ask???............. with a lot of help from people who were friends and some who just read their story and wanted to help.

Well, it's time again, you can help, you can be part of something bigger than yourself. There is this family you see, a family of 4 but here on Earth they are just 3. Their life is a story one they didn't choose. They are dealing with a disease and do it with such grace. Always remembering that God is in control and they know he loves them more than they can imagine. They are Matt and Patrice Williams and they know that little Jonah is here to make a difference. Rarely in pictures do you not see a smile on their face. The pain in their words is sometimes evident, but they praise God for each day they have with their little son Jonah. Their life day to day is lived with EB, and little Jonah is their miracle. Their sweet baby boy with beautiful blue eyes lives his life in pain, pain from friction on his skin of any kind. This sweet boy blisters with a bump or scratch. They spend their days wrapping and lancing.... watching Jonah be in pain from the skin patches that fall from him. They also live each day longing to have time with little Gabe who went to heaven before he ever got to come home. You can read more about them at http://patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com/. Just be prepared to be inspired and changed, not to mention smittin with little Jonah.

As bad as that is they are not the only family to live with EB. Many families live with EB and the scars it leaves behind. Too many babies.... too many losses........ too much pain. Epidermolysis Bullosa is a rare genetic disorder that effects the the way skin holds together. Bumps, friction, pressure causes his skin to blister and slough off. The possiblity of nail, teeth, infection and respiratory issues are also very real. Sadly, many babies don't live to see their first birthday.

For Jonah's Big Blowout First Birthday his sweet Mom Patrice wanted more than the usual smash cake birthday. She wanted to make a difference, so she and some friends came up with a wonderful idea. Jonah's EB auction...... all proceeds to go to DebRA for EB research. Cool idea huh?!? So the week before Jonah's birthday will be fun and exciting. So how can you help you ask?? Just remember the 4 P's........

1. Post your own information about the auction to your blog. Post to your Twitter, and Facebook too. Gosh, get on the old fashioned phone!! Let's get LOTS of shoppers!!!!

2. Peruse the cool line up as soon as they post it.

3. Pray, never ever forget the power of prayer. Especially when you get a bunch of Moms and Dads praying for children....

4. Purhase!!! Bid for those special, unique items, bid bid bid. Know that your bids are going to help fund research through DebRA.

When??........ February 22nd to the big finale on Jonah's birthday February 27th. Do the right thing....... SHOP!!!