Butterflies and Bananas

Nineveh......

2011-03-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

For the last couple weeks I have been almost overcome with emotions... My heart is just plain hurting for families that I don't even really know. I may have met them in real life or maybe only through the big wide web. But there is a common thread with these families. Children. Not just any children but children with challenges... Kate, Aiden, Gwendolyn, Sophia, Cash, Lucy, Annabelle, Bennett, and tiny twins Lucy and Noah.

Every night I sit in my chair crocheting hats and my mind just spins. I know a long time ago before I was even born there was a plan in place..... a plan that was laid for my life. It just amazes me to know that before I was born, God knew the plan of my life. He knew all the ups and downs, he knew I would be a terrible failure at times and he knew the journey my life would take. In time there is b.c. and then a.d. For me my b.c. was life before Mackenzie. That was a turning point in my life, she literally had more impact on my life in the 21 weeks and 3 days than you would imagine possible.

My journey has brought me to a place where I can say I truly feel I belong, I can feel that God is plotting my steps and most of the time I willing walk and even skip sometimes along the path. Raising my kids, watching my older girls sprout wings and starting a business that benefits others. Through the business I have been acquainted to so many families..... too many families sometimes. Families with medical challenges with their precious children. My heart wants life to be kind and fun, sunny days no rain on the horizon. But, in life there is rain, there must be rain, rain that sometimes comes with thunder and lightning, and with rain comes so many blessings. I know that without the rain there would be no colorful flowers popping through the ground. I remember one time watching a family go through the grief of loosing a child and thinking "I could NEVER walk through that, I would crawl in the closet and not come out". Then one day the unthinkable happened and we lost a precious miracle baby girl. She was taken. Just like that. Then I found that on June 17th when I crawled into our car and headed home with no baby that I "could" do "that". I could put on foot in front of the other. Don't be fooled, I didn't skip, run, heck I sometimes fell to the ground and just cried. BUT, I did "make it". On that journey I learned many things about myself and my God. He was there right beside me. He cried right there with me. He carried us right where we were.
From our grief I have learned that Mackenzie's life I was given a heart for others. I was given a chance to be a blessing to others. That maybe I could take a portion of their pain and help them navigate.

Our business tries through our Hats for Hope to get custom made hats for kids and adults going through chemo and other hair stealing disease. If they are old enough we try to involve them in the design and color of the hats. Our deal is easy, you pick a bucket hat, we make it and send it to you and you send us a picture wearing the hat. The faces we see peering out from under the hats melt our hearts. Their smiles enjoying wearing the hats is wonderful. Knowing that even if only a moment they are having fun and smiling. One of the little girls just stole my heart. Little Kate....... 6 years old and such a spunky spirited little girl. We watched and prayed as she went through treatment last year for aggressive brain cancer. We just absolutely rejoiced when her scan came back that she was cancer-free! Now almost 6 mo later her families world has come to a screeching halt as she has once again been diagnosed with brain cancer. In a way I came to the same screeching halt. I just wanted to ignore this, it hurt too much. Sweet Kate was supposed to be okay now.... but her journey with this nasty disease is not over. More treatment, more discomfort, more uncomfortable unknowing. My heart became broken for her and her family. Her parents and her siblings, they all walk this walk.

So back to the title of the post. Yesterday I opened the mail and found myself in tears. Sweet Kate's picture was staring back at me, a reminder that we need to get even more prayer warriors on their knees for this amazing little girl. This card came out of the blue and gave me the familiar tap on the shoulder to call people to pray. To let them know that we would be calling others to pray. The Dr's. are giving less positive outcomes this time than last. This family is coming to grips with the brutal reality that their sweet 6 yr old once again must endure a painful treatment that will no don't leave her sick and without her beautiful golden locks. They have amazed me with not only they're take charge let's go attitude but also they're unwavering faith and transparency.

So now I see I have been a bit like Jonah..... God has been tugging the line and I have been trying to duck and hide. Don't get me wrong, I pray for sweet Kate many times a day. She is one of many children that we pray for on a regular basis. But I am feeling that God is wishing me to do more........ The unexpected card in the mail reminded me of that. So before I am swallowed into the belly of a whale (can I just say ewwwwwww) I am going to do just that. Please pray for Sweet Kate, aren't her eyes just plain beautiful?? almost haunting......

My god is the same today as he was before this relapse for Kate. He healed her before and he will again. My prayers are for healing this side of heaven and peace for this family.

Marriage....................... Oh my!

2011-02-24T21:48:00.000-08:00

Marriage...........
As a child I watched with interest as my parents navigated the waters of marriage. They made it look seamless......... I was so blessed to have a blissful childhood. We lived in a nice home that my Dad had worked and remodeled with his own hands... He worked hard at his job and at home in his off time. I don't even remember seeing a repairman in the house and I don't think we ever took out car "to the shop" to be worked on. My Dad was basically Superman, nothing he couldn't do.

My Mom, was your sitcom Mom. She cooked, cleaned, and handed out discipline. She taught us to do our best and love God. She worked tirelessly to save money and teach us to be good stewards. I never remember her saying she couldn't do something or that we were making her crazy. But as I think back to my childhood the thing I remember the most was that there was no yelling or fighting (well, not my parents anyway). I thought they ALWAYS got along.

As an adult I have strived to be that same parent. I didn't realize till just recently that there were times when Mom and & Dad were NOT happy, they did disagree.... wow! They made a commitment to not fight in front of us or anyone else. They did an awesome job because this shocked me......... It also helped me to realize that in my reality there were fights, they just didn't happen in front of us.

In my own marriages I have struggled......... I'm a bit bossy and controlling.... well, that is because I am right.... lol I like to run the show and keep everything organized. It is so hard to realize that my vision might not be someone else's. There are times you don't get your opinion. Life just sucks sometimes, every once in awhile I hear a tiny tiny voice reminding me that I am my husbands helpmate......... not his leader. He is supposed to be mine... Boy, that one is hard for me!

Lately we are struggling a bit, neither of us are contemplating running towards any doors but we are butting heads more than we need to. It is stealing our joy and our time, let me say there is precious little time to spare. We each try in half-hearted attempts, and then fall on our face. Tim is incredibly busy and work and home is the same...... busy, busy, busy. Our hat businees is taking off with is wonderful!! I have been steadily busy since the fall.... great news.... well almost. With the busy comes the problem of balancing time. Tim works a lot of hours and with the kids activities keep us off our rocker busy. So, last week I decided that I was hauling our behinds to the church for a marriage conference. Have you ever attended one? They are incredible, such a good day and our hearts were renewed..... Now to figure out how to keep them that way.

Tim, I love you so much. You try to keep us together and when we work together there is nothing we can't do~

Life

2011-01-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

Life just keeps rolling doesn't it? I wake in the morning and hit the floor running. Some days I wonder as I try to pry my eyes open what will the day bring, will it be a good day, will the kids try to drive me crazy fighting over who did what? Will I walk through my day feeling scattered or blessed. In my life I find one thing to be true. No matter what life will just keep rolling.......

There are days when I think I may explode from the sorrow I feel for too many families..... cancer, SMA, surgeries, broken hearts... their days continue to roll too. Fear, grief, and pain.... I want so much to be a help, our lives have been right there in the trenches too. When we lost our sweet baby Mackenzie I truly thought I would just roll into a ball and stay there... You see we had just slid through our days being "good" keeping ourselves inside our own little box. Not really worrying about the lives of others. When I lost her my world was upended.

You see Mackenzie was my wake up call...... she was my angel, she still is. She keeps me grounded and always carrying for others. Because of her I "happened" upon the video that introduced me to the horrors of SMA, and connected me with some awesome families that dealt with the loss of their babies too soon, and some that are fighting to rid their children of the cancer that threatens to steal their children. She has guided my path as we opened our little store and given me a heart to live outside myself.....

After being told by someone that "you give away too much" I got into my car and turned one the radio. Matthew West's My Own Little World came spilling out.... I literally cried as I drove along listening to the words of the song. God doesn't always tap you on the shoulder sometimes he hits you with a ball bat. I KNOW we are doing exactly what he wants us to. I know that I will spend each day trying to do more.

SMA has impacted my life is a crazy way. Nobody in my family has had SMA, none of my friends have children with SMA. But, I have come to respect and be inspired by the families that fight the battle everyday. The children..... oh the children, they are so incredible. They are so bright, they live in a world that restricts their movement. They need help to do most things but they are the most brilliant inspiring kids. One look into their eyes and I know I need to do more. Winter is a scary time for children that have SMA. So many germs, so many illnesses, hospitalizations and those lead to more trouble. To date just in the month of January 9 children have died......... gone. How can we all not be tossing every bit of spare change to research for a CURE!??!

Easy math tells me that SMA will knock at the door of someone I know soon. If that is so then it will knock on the door of someone you know too.... think we need to find that cure?? 1 in 40 people are carriers of the disease.

Cowabunga!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-12T22:59:00.000-08:00

Well, first let me say I am doing quite the awful job of posting once a week in 2011! Gosh, You would think I could pull it together, life is so crazy and I am trying to catch it! Does that ever happen.... do you ever catch up?

In an effort to "enjoy" more and not allow time to slip away we have set up a standing "ski" day this winter. Monday is Kendall's dance class, Tuesday is ski day and Wednesday is piano for the boys and church. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are flex days. Enjoy the following pictures of our ski days!

For the last week we have been singing praises to God. My friend Racquel and her husband Jonathan welcomed adorable twin babies to the world! They are tiny, born by c-section at 34 weeks, these babies have been prayed and longed for by this sweet family. Sweet Noah and Lucy just might be the luckiest babies born in a long time. I have been blessed to visit them a couple times and they are so precious! When it was time to discharge Racquel they found out that the hospital has a policy that allows her to stay at the hospital in her room until the babies can be released! Great news with the wintery weather and slippery roads.

big prayers for the Stewarts and the Flemmings.... (sweet Bennett gets to come home next week!)

2011 is here!?!?!

2011-01-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

How did that happen? Another year just slipped under the rug, a year full of activities and memories... Last night I packed up 4 of our 5 kiddos and drove them the 2+ hour drive to my parents house. You see, last night was the infamous BIG party! My parents have been hosting a kids only New Years Party for almost 30 years! 30! They invite all the grandkids and any of their friends, any of their friends. They spend the days right after Christmas until December 30th preparing for this no holds barred, no rules, night of fun! Well, atleast thats what I hear.... as an adult I am not aloud to enter and be a part of the fun.

I then hop in the car and drive 2+ hours home and get ready for our "party". Tim picks up wings for him and chinese for me. We sit and watch a movie and sometimes even fall asleep. This year we actually missed the ball drop, yep, we got engrossed in the movie and missed it totally. But you know what 2011 came anyway.....

Then today I got up hopped back in the car and drove the 2+ hours back to Mom and Dad's to have our traditional New Years lunch. We all had a great time and once again Mom and Dad outdid themselves, love love love to keep traditions!

Back in the car and head home..................... ugh! the only bad part is that darn car thing!

Saying Goodbye to 2010

2010-12-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

Kendall with he dollhouse, she loved the dollhouse and Fancy Nancy Princess bed from Santa

The boys love their new Nintendo DS's

The girls opening Christmas gifts
Wow! Where did the year go? Every year I find myself sitting wishing I had done more.... more one on one kid specific things, before I know it my little brood is all going to to way to busy to spend time with me. Here I sit again this year, we had a great time this year. I absolutely love homeschooling the kids, I get great joy in seeing them learn and grow. The boys are growing so fast, they are becoming such big kids.

Logan is working primarily on 5th grade work with the exception of Math. In Math he is ahead of the grade and works at the 6th grade level. I'm so proud of him, this Math mind did NOT come from me! He is just a smarty. Continuing with Piano and soccer, he also added baseball this year. Logan's asthma and allergies continue to be a problem but not as bad as in the past.

Taylor, also really blossomed this year, he was able to go a group ahead in his Sunday school class. His ability at the piano just amazes me, he truly has a gift with catching on. This year Taylor also got his first pair of glasses. He looks so cute in them. He even learned that he does like to read when he likes the topic... yay! Piano and soccer were on his list of activities and this year he also thinks that he would like to join in baseball.

Our little princess is just that... a little princess. She loves all things princess! She loves tutus, and "glass" slippers, babies are fun and she loves being a girl. She potty-trained in a week after being told that she couldn't go to dance class if she pottied in her pants... if only I had tried that earlier. She is a true performer and loves to sing. This little one wakes in the morning singing and given the chance to get on stage she loves to belt out a tune for a crowd. Love her enthusiasm! She even got a taste of skiing this winter, so far she is a great part of the group and loves it!

The big girls also had big years. Courtney was accepted and started into Radiology classes and hopes to have a degree in 1 1/2 years. I hope in my heart when the time comes she heads back towards home to carry out her career. I LOVE it when she gets to come home and spend a bit of time with us. Tiffany also had a big year passing the first part of the RN coursework and getting her LPN degree. She is loving driving her new car and is still working at Lowes. I hope she gets enrolled in school and can find a job that she loves.

We learned so much this year and life is sweeter and more precious if that is possible. We became acquainted with SMA this year, a horrible killer of children. We have changed how we live our everyday lives trying to make sure we make more people aware of this disease in an effort to raise funds to find a cure so no family has to say goodbye to their children because of SMA. Our little business more than doubled in sales and we have added a lot of extra items to the store. Our hopes for 2011 include continued growth and the ability to keep caught up....lol. I LOVE the work and passion that we have put towards the fight against SMA. The families we have come to know are precious and we would do anything for them.

Tim is moving along and changed stores this summer, he is closer to home and we like that a lot. He hasn't spent as much time working on his appraisal license this year. Hopefully we will tackle that next year. We didn't spend all our free time working on the house for the first year since we lived here. We are getting there, moving along and soon we will be able to finish off the garage giving us believe it or not more needed space.

I have great hopes and prayers for our friends and family in 2011. I have a huge hole in my heart in loosing my sweet Sushi. She truly was a one in a million. I could nap with her beside me in the chair with Max 2 ft away and know she wouldn't bother him. I could tell she knew how much I loved her........ the hole is the pits and one look down our road and the tears fall over the brim of my lids...... I miss her sooo much.

Have a wonderful 2011! I hope to make better use of my blog, I want to document the crazy insane life we lead. I

Postworthy Post

2010-12-28T22:42:00.001-08:00

I know, I know............. it's been a long time. A really long time... My life has been spinning, spinning on a small base. My homeschooling boys and Kendall keep me hopping and along with their big sisters I am truly blessed.... I mean big time flat out blessed. Then along came my awareness about SMA through our little hat business and well, life has not been the same since. I'm glad that it hasn't.... we spend time in our everyday life trying to bring awareness to this horrible genetic killer.....

But today, today I spent a great time with my kids. We got out the Santa given skis and gave them a spin. A great time was had by all and the day flew. We were having such a wonderful day, a day of laughter and smiles.

That is, it was until we topped the crest in the road by our house.... and in the brief second life once again changed.... the cogs in the wheels came to a screaming stop as I looked out and saw my 2 kittys laying in the road. DEAD...... I really hate dead.... These two were SO special to me, Casper a gorgeous long-haired black kitty had come such a long way. Traumatized by a neighbor dog when tiny, she had such a hard time trusting but she was coming along and even coming in to the edge of the sunroom. And then laying beside her in the road the most horrible shock of all. My sweet Sushi, although she was a "barn" cat she thought she was the queen. She spent most of our awake hours in a chair mostly with me sitting right beside her. A gorgeous cat she was one in a million. She never left the chair unless it was time to go out. She never minded the bird 1 1/2 ft from her. You see I think she was my angel, after Maggie died Sushi started to beg to come in and she sat right with me never trying to move around or be nosey. She was my companion when Maggie couldn't be..... my animals have been such important characters, especially after we lost Mackenzie. I could cry when I wanted and they never got tired of me talking about all things Mackenzie. I couldn't lay that burden on my family but my animals were always willing and eager to be a listening ear.

But why did they have to be taken?? I know this won't stop me in my tracks, I know this is probably part of some grand plan, (I don't think I like the plan very much at this moment). All I do know is that my chair is going to be lonely and not as warm as it was for the rest of the winter. My heart is broken and my heart just can't believe I will never see her again.

I know, I know.......... she is just a cat... they are both JUST cats. So try and tell my heart that one.

SMA what does it mean?

2010-09-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today is the biggest Blog Post Party ever! Well, I wanted to be a prat of that wouldn't you? We all want to belong right? Well, for some people SMA means belonging to a group, a group of people in the fight of their lives..... a fight to save their incredibly beautiful children.

SMA (spinal muscular atrophy) is a disease you see. A disease that not enough people know about. Being a part of this group is not always fun, exciting, or where you want to be. You see these are the facts about SMA

SMA is the leading genetic killer of infants.

SMA steals these beautiful children's ability to move.

SMA robs children of the ability to cough or breathe unassisted.

SMA affects seemingly perfect babies.

SMA is an orphan disease and due to lack of future profits drug companies are not interested in spending research dollars.

1 in 40 people carry the gene for SMA!

SMA steals over 90% of its victims before they turn 1 year old.

The National Institute of Health says that SMA is the closest neuro muscular disease to treatment or a cure.

SMA does not affect the mind. These incredible children are bright and love to interact and play.

SMA is causing families to band together in a way that many families would love to.

SMA families have incredible tenacity, they will do anything to raise funds and awareness to save their children and thousands of others....

My introduction to SMA was not through one of my children but through a blog post, it was asking for votes to get funds for research. The little video clip that came with it changed my life..... Through our own loss of a child my heart was broken for these families that are given such a diagnosis. To have no choice but watch the child you love more than your own life suffer and die. I knew at that moment our little shop needed to become involved. I knew that if we all became involved and we all spoke about SMA that changes would happen and cures could be quicker. Funding for this disease should not fall on the shoulders of sweet families living in the moment with their precious children.

So, our little store www.Bebessentials.com has pledged to walk alongside families fighting this monster. We will continue to donate money, raise awareness, and celebrate the lives of these children! We hand out magnets, bracelets, and sell butterflies. Oh, these very special butterflies with incredible Gwendolyn's name on them. We created this special design as a symbol of hope. As a reminder that with funding comes a cure that will allow these children to move and jump just like a butterfly bursting out of its cocoon. These special butterflies are little pieces of art. Each one is designed with hand painted threads, hand blown beads and colors that will knock your socks off. The sale of each of those gives a 60% return to the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation for research. One of the ways we can continue to raise finds and awareness.

Watch the clip and see how it moves you!

Here is a Gwendolyn butterfly, isn't it beautiful?!?! If you would like one just go to the Bebessentials site and pick one out. Then sit down and think of a way YOU can make a difference.

You can also go to this link and vote for GSF to receive a 20K research award! Please copy and pste the link, I couldn't get it to work in link form.... Just a few clicks for research funds for SMA.
http://www.jimmiejohnsonfoundation.org/Events/Samsung-Helmet-of-Hope/Vote-Samsung-Helmet-of-Hope-For-More.aspx

How will your tapestry look in the end.....

2010-08-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

The Weaving
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me;
I do not choose the colors, He works so steadily.
Often times He weaves in sorrow, and I, in foolish pride,
forget He sees the upper, and the underside.

Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
will God unroll the canvas and explain the reasons why.

The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand,
as threads of gold and silver in the pattern he has planned.

This is so inciteful to me, the tapestry that we sometimes see is so dark and hard. The journey painful, but then as the entire picture becomes more visable we see how necessary the painful time was for us to enjoy the beauty of the complete picture.....

Miracles take more than a moment!

2010-08-07T20:50:00.001-07:00

Since it is SMA Awareness month I wanted to share a story.....

Do you believe in coincidence? I don't and really never have, I was blessed to be raised by parents that were able to point out those little "coincidences" and show the BIG picture. This summer I lived one of those miracles, right in front of me, like the magic trick of a great magician. See what you think..........

My friend Melissa & I own a hat and hair accessory business called Beb-e-ssentials. We sell online or at craft and art shows. Every since we started the business I have wanted to go to the Troy Strawberry Festival, it is legendary in the food department around here and well, for obvious "strawberry" reasons I wanted to go. When we looked it up the deadline had already happened and they said NO LATE ENTRIES. Bummer! I sent off an e-mail anyway trying to beg our way in. Then we looked again and the site said that they were still accepting a few entries (miracle 1) So Melissa sent in our application with pictures of our crafts to see if we would be selected. A few days later we found out we were in!

A couple months went by and we busily prepared for the show. We wanted to take a good selection and also take our SMA/Gwendolyn Strong Foundation information and butterflies. As the time got closer our excitement grew. Finally it was the day of the show! the plan was for me to go ahead, set-up, and work the first part of the day. Melissa would be home with Caitlin working at her garage sale. I got everything set-up and as I hung the Gwendolyn Butterflies on the board I prayed that we would sell all 12 over the weekend. You see for every Gwendolyn Butterfly sold we donate 6.00 or 60% to the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation. I have been prodded and led to work hard (God can do that you know)to promote awareness for SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) and help to raise funds for the much needed research to find a cure. We did a fund raiser over Mother's Day and did very well but I wanted to be able to start giving more often. So as the show started things were moving but not the butterflies... then the clouds rolled in. Very threatening clouds, clouds and storms that were bad enough to evacuate people to the stadium. I asked the man beside me, a army veteran, what we should do. He had told me he been working shows for over 40years! He calmly looked out from under his awning and shook his head.... "Nah, it not going to be bad, the most of it will blow over. I'm staying right here...." so after he declined my offer to sit in our tent with the sides on it, I rolled down the sides and put my chair in the middle and waited. As the wind howled and rain beat the little tent I got a bit scared and aggravated. I started praying in aggravation that with this weather we would never sell the 12 butterflies I had brought. We wouldn't be able to donate the money! The wind and rain whipped the tent around for what seemed like forever.... I think it was more like 30 minutes.

When it all settled down there was mud EVERYWHERE! People were walking along their shoes covered and with mud up their legs! But the shopping continued and I got busy and didn't think anymore about my prayer. When Melissa came I escaped long enough to go find something Strawberry to eat. Once I got up on the levy I shopped and tried to pick the best strawberry snack. I walked back and forth a couple times looking for the best deal. After I got my food I headed back to the booth but on the way I heard a voice saying "ducks for sale, anybody want to buy a duck?" (# 2 miracle)I walked over and asked a few questions of the sweet ladies behind the table. They were selling rubber ducks as a fund raiser to raise money for next year's event. Ducks were 5.00 each and the plan was to dump barrels of rubber ducks off one bridge and award prizes to the 1st through 4th place ducks as they made it to the next bridge. 1st place was $1,000.00, 2nd through 4th were local food places. They also gave a prize of a 500.00 gas card to the last place duck. I thought about it for a moment and then I was given a wonderful idea the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation needed a duck! I told the ladies selling the ducks about SMA and let them know I would be back in the morning. I ran back down the hill to our booth. That night I posted as a last minute thought that we were buying a duck and anyone that wanted a duck could message me. Well, after the long day I got a late start in the morning and forgot to check the messages. Once Melissa got these she asked me if I saw the message. One of the families dealing with SMA posted to buy 100.00 worth of ducks.... Wow! (#3 miracle)So I grabbed our SMA information sheet and some Gwendolyn Butterflies and I went up to buy our ducks.

I got all the information so I could photograph the "duck launch" and put the event in pictures. I wanted to give a smile to the families and spread the word..... I stood at the bridge for a long time..... a very long time. Finally I ran back to the table and the ladies told me that the water was too high from the storm and the ducks would be selected out of the community pool. I found out where it was and off I went camera in hand! I wanted to get pictures of Gwennie, our ducks! Once I got there I had a really hard time seeing to get pictures so I went around to see if I could step in. A really BIG guy came and told me nobody was allowed in, after I explained our story he said "Okay, you and only you!" (#4 miracle) Wow, I thanked him and headed in staying WAY out of the way. I started to snap shots when the girls came in. The Queen and her court would pick the ducks. They were given strict instructions on how to pull a duck from the wading pool. I snapped and snapped till the ducks were picked. Then I ran back to our tent and told Melissa how it all went. We got back to business and forgot all about it.

During the last hour of business we heard an announcement about all the winners of the several awards given during the show. They started with the duck race and the first place award, as we listened they announced The Gwendolyn Strong Foundation as the winner!!! We about jumped out of the tent!!! We scared the ladies in the tent shopping! $1,000.00 for RESEARCH!!! (#5 miracle, a BIG one!) We had 21 ducks in the race, 21 out of 1,007!!!! I checked the pictures that I had taken and I actually took the picture of the Queen pulling her duck from the water! How cool!!!

When I got a call the next day they told us we had won. I guess they didn't hear us yelling during the show! I went to the office the next day and picked up a check, posed for pictures, and met the Duck Race organizer.... none other than the BIG guy that I had met at the pool! I gave a interview about SMA to the newspaper and got some GREAT news! They asked us if we would partner with them next year. (#6 miracle)They want to give 1.00 of every duck sold to the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation! Remember this year they sold 1,007 ducks. Next year they have asked us to work with the Duck Race booth to sell more ducks! What that tells me is more Awareness!!!

When we did a final check I found another little "God thing". We took 12 Butterflies to sell, we sold 5. If you remember in the Bible five fishes fed thousands.... we had 7 left. Seven loaves of bread was fed with the 5 fishes... I was SO worried and disappointed when the rain came that we wouldn't sell the 12 butterflies, if we had sold them we would have donated $72.00. Instead, God took control and we were able to do "infinitely more". $30.00 for butterflies and $1,000.0from our winning duck! ..... one of my favorite verses......

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power
at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
Ephesians 3:20

Who says prayers aren't answered?!?!!?

Don't forget August is SMA Awareness month!

Enjoy a few pictures from the race!

our entry form

the pace duck

ducks in the wading pool

ducks ducks ducks...... do you see Gwennie?

The Queen saw her, and picked her!

Jimmie Johnson Helmet of Hope

2010-08-03T09:34:00.001-07:00

This is a portion of the notification from the foundation, another avenue for awareness has opened up!

Johnson Adds 2 More Charities to Samsung Helmet of Hope
8/02/2010
Foundation for Faces of Children and The Gwendolyn Strong Foundation Newest Additions

CONCORD, N.C. (Aug. 2, 2010) – Foundation for Faces of Children (Brookline, Mass.) and The Gwendolyn Strong Foundation (Santa Barbara, Calif.) are the newest additions to the Jimmie Johnson Foundation’s Samsung Helmet of Hope, the race helmet Johnson will wear during the Sprint Cup Series event at Auto Club Speedway in October.

Each organization will also receive a grant of $10,000.

Bill Strong of Santa Barbara, Calif. nominated The Gwendolyn Strong Foundation, which seeks to raise awareness about and fund research for Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA), the leading genetic killer of young children.

“Our daughter Gwendolyn was born in October 2007,” explained Strong. “She was perfectly healthy at first, but was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy at six-months. SMA is a genetic disease that affects children all over the world and is currently a death sentence with no treatment or cure.”

“As parents, it was impossible to do nothing,” added Strong. “In 2009, we started the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation to raise awareness of SMA and funding to accelerate groundbreaking research towards a cure. Including the foundation logo on Jimmie's helmet would be incredible in raising much needed awareness of SMA and furthering our cause to end it.”

In its third year, the Samsung Helmet of Hope program is a partnership of the Jimmie Johnson Foundation, Samsung and Lowe’s. Fans and media members across the country have the opportunity to nominate their children’s charity of choice to be featured on Johnson’s helmet for a select race. New this year, selected charities will also receive a grant of $10,000. This partnership is part of the Samsung Hope for Children program, a corporate giving program that aligns athletes and retail partners to help children learn, live and thrive.

Johnson will draw one winner from a list of media submissions and one from a list of fan submissions each race weekend through the Atlanta event in September. The first two charities selected were Beads of Courage (Tucson, Ariz.) and Hunter's Hope Foundation (Orchard Park, N.Y.) They join the Feeding America® Kids Café program, which was nominated by Samsung to kick-off this year’s campaign program. The Kids Café program works to address the growing epidemic facing children’s hunger.

Fans and media members may nominate their charity by visiting www.helmetofhope.org.

For more information about the most recently selected charities, visit www.facesofchildren.org and www.GwendolynStrongFoundation.org.

Pretty cool huh? It is like SMA families have been given an open window to share their passion and message to save their children by curing the SMA monster.

19,998

2010-07-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm that is the number on the counter for the blog..... I thought for the most part I was alone here. I know I have some faithful readers but 19,998 is kind of a big number!

So, I guess till my next new blog post if you comment your name will go in a hat and Kendall will pick a winner of a prize from Beb-e-ssentials. Working on the next post now so hurry with the comments......

Oh,and I hear that a favorite charity of mine has been picked for a nice prize! Stop back to hear the details. I want them to tell first, afterall it is their charity. I'm just thrilled they won!

Comment away...............

A New Chapter in our lives..............

2010-07-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

We have embarked on life with middlers..... You know not toddlers or little kids. The boys have left for a fun week at camp..... yes I said a week! We were a bit nervous but the "signs" kept telling me to go ahead. They are getting SO big and were so excited. We had a lot of concerns with Logan and his asthma and allergies but they have 3 nurses on staff and they seemed to be very "on it".

We found out a bout it all on Friday so it has been a weekend of scurrying..... all of the "list" items. clothes, bug spray, flashlights, snaks, swim suits, flip flops for the showers.... as for the showers Tim thought maybe we should just shave their heads so they would have dirty hair for the week...... yea, I just needed him to tell me that to remind me why we cut the office carpet out where Logan got sick.....

Anyway the boys are thrilled! They had NO problem telling me goodbye.... well just that they were running so fast they couldn't turn around. I know they will have fun and make a load of memories. The 4 pack including Solomon and Elijah will be VERY tired Friday at pick up!

What will I do.......... well my stuff plus their chores. I also plan on updating their room with "big kid" stuff!

Summer Fun!

2010-07-05T20:20:00.001-07:00

We have very easily slid into "summer fun" at our busy house. Our much less hectic schedule is a welcome change for all of us. We are also a bit more lazy... ha ha. Without the more rigid home school schedule we have made time to enjoy the outdoors and warm weather. The boys are up and out pretty early everyday, something that doesn't happen during the year. Kendall and I actually get to be late sleepers which I love since most nights I see 2-3 a.m. before I finish my "hat business" work.

The boys are growing a garden again this year and everything looks great except the tomatoes in a bale. That one didn't work well at all! I think next year we need to fertilize for a longer period before we plant since we use organic fertilizers. They are also reading alot! The idea of book reports for every book has dissipated must to there happiness.

Today we built the Little Tykes climber for Kendall, attached the new trampoline bumper, also strung lead lines up the side of the house for the vines that have out grown the trellis. The kids have had a blast watching how fast this vine grows.

I got ready to build the fire pit for the patio but it was SO hot I whimped out. My thumb is still only working about 10% and building the climber about did me in. Instead we came in and the boys finally got to start to learn how to crochet. They have been begging for quite a while and they got a real eye-opening when they tried to make a chain. They had thought today they could make themselves hats.... hmmm they did really well but made it through chain and single stitch. Then after nap time we hopped in the car and headed to the pool. I grabbed the camera and got some fun shots of the kids so beware picture overload is attached!

I can't believe how big my "littles" are getting! Kendall was a bit wary of the water at first but then easily slipped into watergirl mode. The boys are so big, they didn't even want to pose for me.... too busy Mom! I feel SO blessed to have my kids in my life. I'm not sure much of the time that I deserve them but I sure am thankful to God that I've had them.... all 6 of them. Mackenzie is never far from my mind and my driving force to be a better human.

As we are pulled through our summer at jet speed my mind is ever on the SMA community. They are so desperate for a cure to save their babies and honor the ones that have already earned heavenly wings.... the pain in my heart for these sweet parents is sometimes overwhelming. We have been working working through Beb-e-ssentials to raise awareness and ever needed funds to stomp this monster into the ground. What have you done to help your cause or benefit? Don't have one??? Jump on board the Stomp SMA train. We would love some more soldiers!

The walk I am on..................

2010-06-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

The walk I am on right now is one of choice. I can freely come and go whenever I choose. Well, maybe I can, part of me is sure that I couldn't walk away even if I wanted to. That little tiny 2 minute and 43 second clip changed me! I feel a peace, I feel tired, I feel so fortunate to be able to be of service. I feel heartbroke for so many families that can't just walk away.

The SMA disease has trapped thousands into a life of uncertainty. Yes, thousands.... Spinal Muscular Atrophy is a sneaky monster that 1 in 40 people are unknowingly carriers of. Think about those odds... 1 in 40! There is exciting news on the horizon for families and children dealing with SMA. With funding the first human trials could start as early as 18 months from now! Little ones that are living with this cruel disease could have treatment before it is too late! YOU can help this be possible... think about THAT! YOU could be the person that makes the difference. You can click on our Beb-e-ssentials link in the corner or you can go to www.gwendolynstrongFoundation.org and find out more information.

I feel a bit like a broken record and you might be thinking so too BUT I also feel lead and compelled to continue to spread the word. To find the person that hasn't heard about SMA. To find the person who cares enough to help make a difference.

So, I guess this is the walk I have been asked to walk and you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way!

How is it????

2010-06-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

If I say SMA what do you hear? Do you hear SMA- the leading genetic killer of children under 2? Or do you hear SMA- what?!?! SMA hmmm What is that? I didn't know what it was but for my one of the "light bulb" moments literally hit me upside the head when I watched the little video. My heart was in love with the beautiful children and horrified for the life that these sweet parents must live..... life on the ledge. Head over heals in love with your beautiful child, such special kids........ have you seen them? the most beautiful children. Such expressive eyes........ but at the same time these parents live with the horror that their cherished child will struggle and die a horrible death.

Maybe the fact that we lived in a corner of their lives for just a little while. At 19 weeks pregnant with Mackenzie we were given devastating news that our child had a deadly heart defect. It would steal her away from us, how could this be happening? The sweet baby that we were blessed with would be taken. Her heart couldn't keep up with her growing body, we lived the next couple weeks in disbelief. Then as they predicted at 21 weekes 6 days her heart just couldn't keep up. Then she was gone, we had to learn a new normal, a new way to get up everyday and walk through the day and be a parent to our other children.

So I guess I understand from a tiny pin point their life. BUT I didn't SEE my daughter fail. I never got to hold her but I never had to watch her struggle. I didn't get to spend time with her outside my body but I didn't have to spend time seeing her pain. I never got to know her, but I never had to grieve knowing what I had lost.

SO my new life, my new passion is to see this disease defeated. To see these children given "life" sentences instead of death sentences. My tears just won't stop. I stand in awe of these sweet parents, who stand vigil over their babies. Who are fighting the fight of their lives. Who daily see people who "don't have time" to notice the pain and lend a hand.

God is SO in this at my house. Prayers are being answered in BIG ways. Through our little company we have been able to give money that would have NEVER been available to give. Tim's income was hit like everyone else's and mine almost completely dried up.. not too many people needing to go to llama shows and blow a lot of money for a weekend of fun in this economy, and 5 kids depending on us at different levels.

BUT Money has come in! Money that has led to awareness, SMA needs to be like saying polio. We all know what it is but nobody dies from it anymore. There is SUCH incredible hope, but it seems over-ridden by sand slipping through the hour glass of so many kids lives. My mind races, God is sending me in directions to do things I would NEVER do. But it is all good, all part of God's plan.

How is it that the world just keeps spinning?? A few short months ago I found out about a ruthless killer of children. A killer that sneaks in a steals these sweet babies while their Mother's and Father's are praying for a cure. Praying, begging, and pleading. For me this has an importance that some people can't understand.

Here are a few pictures of some of our blessings......

Taylor, my funny boy

Logan playing piano

Kendall on potty duty

It's a bird, no it's a plane......... no it's

2010-05-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

SUPER POOPER!

I had to laugh when Kendall popped into the sunroom wearing this mask today. We have been trying, no begging Kendall to poo in the potty for about 3 weeks now. She seems to do pretty well with the whole tinkle thing. We have accidents but overall getting pretty good. BUT the poo department is a whole different thing. She gets super embarrased and after one incident months ago when she actually poo'd in the potty that was it. She absoultely would not go on the potty. Instead she would escape somewhere and then surprise us in a really bad way...... I have to admit teaching school to the boys and potty training her has been tough. It is really hard for me to watch her every minute and she seems to know it. Little Stinker!

BUT, after a partial miss today she got very excited and actually did the stinky deed on the potty tonight!!! Yea, happy dancing mommy here, tired of spraying out princess panties in the yard with the water hose. :( A joyful site for sure for those passing by in cars. Her reward is M&Ms and she has been bargaining for more than one M&M. She gets 1 for tinkle and 3 for poo. She has been bargaining 4.... don't tell her but by this week I would have given her the bag if she would just GO poo on the potty! After we did have success tonight I said "Yay!!! You get M&Ms how many do you get Kendall, Do you get 4"? She looked at me, shook her head and said "No, I want 2". So 2 she got as she clapped and smiled..... gotta love kids.... especially when they poo in the potty!

My Baby is getting SO big!

This is your chance!

2010-05-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well, we are in the home stretch of the Gwendolyn Strong fundraiser, have you placed your order yet? You can pop over to Gwendolyn's site and see pictures of all the kids wearing their hats, clippies, and headbands to support GSF. Remember these things..........

1 in 40 people are carriers of SMA

SMA is the biggest genetic killer of our children usually before the age of 2

The National Institute of Health says SMA is closest disease to being cured or treated. It goes on to say that SMA a cure for SMA will be a gateway to curing many other diseases

SMA can call on any of our families at any time, wouldn't you want a cure first?

Your shopping with Beb-e-ssentials will give money directly to GSF. You can also donate directly.............

Mother's Day is Sunday, think of all the Mom's that dream of having their child give them a hug, sit up, walk, jump play and not be sentenced to death. Give in the name of a family that just wants their child to live........

Let's kick SMA in the proverbial bottom..............

Got any spare prayers???

2010-05-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am asking for a sweet "blog" family friend. This is such a God-Loving family, living with the beast of infertility. After numerous miscarriages, adoptions and adoption attempts have left them heart broken at times and truly blessed at others. They have never been a "why me" family. Never complained that things were too hard.

Last week we all got a peek.... a glimpse of the biggest miracle. One that they had prayed for. This week they have been shaken to their core. At her u/s there are markers for a birth anomaly. This could be a wide spectrum of things from life changing to life taking. Please pray God's protection and peace for them. Allow them to see the path and journey and rejoice in it. Give them the blessing they have longed for. I have no doubt that they will handle all this with more grace than I seem to be.... But, could you just say a few prayers, God knows who they are. He is standing beside them now as they anxiously wait for test results.

Let your life be changed...... it only takes 2 minutes

2010-04-19T17:27:00.000-07:00

I have always felt like I was a compassionate person......... lover of all things kids and animals. I have felt strongly for a lot of causes.... or at least I thought so. I have sat in tears for so many children, children lost, families in pain. I have felt that pain, I have lived it. So, I thought I had a handle on the whole compassion thing.

That was until the Chase Community Give and I "met" Gwendolyn. Gwendolyn is 2 years old...... Gwendolyn is adorable, ...... Gwendolyn has SMA. SMA?? What is SMA?? Well, don't feel bad if you don't know... I didn't either. I didn't know until I spent 2 minutes watching a video clip .... a clip that took my breath, made me cry, ...changed my life. There is nothing more important to me right now than to increase awareness and raise money for treatment and ultimately a cure! I WANT THESE BEAUTIFUL BABIES TO LIVE LONG LIVES!!!

">

I can't imagine the pain as a parent of watching your child slowly become paralyzed. having a mind that is crisp and no way to express it. To not be able to run, jump, wave, set up, eat, swallow, or breathe. How could you do it? Well, Gwendolyn's Mom and Dad are doing it, they are living in the moment, giving their daughter fun and being the fiercest warriors I have ever seen! They want a cure and will stop at nothing less. Please!!! take a moment watch the video and ask yourself "Would I do something if it were my child, my grandchild, my niece??? Watch the clip, listen to the scary statistics.... BE CHANGED!

Beb-e-ssentials is teaming up with the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation to raise awareness and research dollars. Please click on the link and shop. This is our fund raiser details

20% of any custom bucket hat
30% of any other item except our new special item
60% of all Gwendolyn Butterfly sales
The Gwendolyn Butterfly is absolutely beautiful. Hand painted threads are used to create this beautiful 2 inch butterfly. Each has Gwendolyn's favorite color pink incorporated in the colors. Each one is a one of a kind piece of art. Like a butterfly locked in a cocoon SMA has Gwendolyn and her friends "locked up". Let your research dollars unlock them and let them jump, hop, & fly!

We will be drawing for a fun fun prize, you get 1 chance for every 15.00 ordered.
This fund raiser will run through Mother's Day weekend.

If you don't order PLEASE go to the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation site and donate! Let's make sure that no more babies have to live locked in the prison of SMA.

Please, help make a change............. it only takes 2 minutes and could change SO many lives PLEASE........

In your Easter Bonnet

2010-04-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

So today is the day............ can you imagine. In all your grief of your child being murdered in a cruel horrible public death you make the long trek to go mourn. You walk in your sandals along the dusty path, you drag your aching body along the path. As you turn the corner you see that not only has your child been killed but now his body has been stolen.

As you enter the tomb you are met by angels telling you not to look for the living amoung the dead.... WHAT?!?! how can that be??? You witnessed a terrible death of your child.... and now you are told he lives.

I think my heart would just burst through my skin if it were me..... my life would be different. Well, it did happen, ...... are you different?

Here is just a few fun shots of our Easter egg hunt today at church. I only got to see Kendall. The kids are all in groups you see and not only are the big kids too fast to get on normal people film BUT I had to go along with Kendall and beg her to pick up the pretty eggs....... YOu see she saw them, she even liked them but she didn't really want to pick them up and put them in her bag. It was a bit like asking her to pick up the toys at home. I didn't get too upset about it though,it seems that 1 & 2 yr olds don't really like to gather eggs. We parents are GREAT cheerleaders though our powers of inspiration got quite creative!

My silly but oh so sweet littles...................

2010-03-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

Not a lot of words but thats okay. Pictures are usually better right? We have been crazy busy and all waiting on the edge of our seats for the weather to break. I wanted to post some pictures of my "littles" aka 10 and under group.

We've Launched!!!!

2010-03-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

That's right, the new and improved Beb-e-ssentials.com has launched! Our old site was okay... you know fairly functional and it did show product. But it didn't have a cart and the pictures were "professionally" done on my couch with the ceiling fan light. Now with Melissa's computer genius and Angie Woodward's photography skills, our site is COOL! Pop over and see for yourself.

While your there give this little tidbit a thought. For every hat or beanie you buy we will donate one to special kids who are on a journey that will tax their entire family. A life threatening journey that will cause them to loose their hair. Our hope is that the chance to get to pick a special hat will give them a chance to smile and have fun, more than just a hat ... a bit of hope. While wearing it that they feel not only normal but like a superstar.
We call this new division "Hat's for Hope" we send special hats filled with hopes and prayers.

I haven't asked myself once if the "hat business" (as my husband calls it) is worth it. Seeing smiles from kids wearing our hats is such a reward! Today I got to see a little piece of heaven when I checked up on one of my favorite blogs and saw a smiling Zoey wearing her colorful birthday hat. I tell you this little girl just takes my breath away, through her journeys in life she always has such zeal. I think she also has the coolest Mom, I tag along "blog stalk" her and she doesn't mind at all.

Here are some fun pix of Kendall playing hat model, I may have permanently ruined her. I have her model all the hats for a sneek peek for the purchaser to make sure we are perfect. Now she stops me mid stitch and insists I "try" hats on her. She is my walking, talking, sloppy kissing, measuring gauge.

Here is the link
http://www.bebessentials.com/

Matthew 19:26
Jesus said, with man alone this is impossible but with God ALL things are possible.

I try and try..................

2010-03-13T21:59:00.000-08:00

to post more often but I can't seem to do it. I started a blog for a lot of reasons, to document our crazy lives, to share our story to maybe comfort others, and to allow friends and family a view inside in case I forget to call on a regular basis....... yes, sadly that does happen. With 5 kids here on earth, 2 of them in college, 2 in school around the kitchen table, and one crazy 2yr old who might just be hanging from the lights. I would be busy. Add to that the fact that I am out of town judging llama shows some weekends, maintaining our livestock farm, and trying to be a help to families who are living with the grief of loosing someone important. Then you see that there are reasons that some days I find myself still in pajamas mid-afternoon. Not enough sleep from late nights and early mornings cause me to do silly things. Like last week when I realized half way to church that I was still sporting my slippers.............sigh

BUT, I feel lucky to be able to stay home with my kids and be a driving force in their lives. I feel blessed through all the storms we have lived through and will no doubt continue to find ourselves in.

Last fall while trying to figure out how I could do something more to make a difference I was given an idea. I had been making hair accessories and hats for my daughter since she was born. We always got compliments and a friend said I should sell them to others. I laughed, then I started thinking. I called a friend and pitched she the idea. How would she like to go into business? She agreed and we were off, we were not sure WHAT we were doing or how we would be received. Before we knew it we started to get offers, little bits... ways to help encourage and support others. What started out as fun hats and bows for my baby has become something special. A way to help and bless others. How cool is that????? Right now we have just been contacted by a sweet Mom who is living a life that is anything but easy. One of their 2yr old twin girls has 3 brain issues, she is now awaiting surgery on her brain. Her 10th in her short 2 yrs on earth..... yes 10 times she has been in surgery. More than that her sweet Mom in shouldering this herself, see Abby's Daddy is in the Military stationed over-seas. He is working to help make sure we all live free and safe. What a sacrifice............. And you know what Abby's Mom Summer just sings praise to God for her journey, she wants awareness for others through Abby's struggle. You see the amazing part is they were told Abby was "imcompatible with life". I hate that phrase but LOVE it when God says "only I get to make that call". Their story is amazing and you can follow Abby's journey on Face Book at prayers for Abbygayle Marie Robinson.

Will you pray???? Will you spread the word????? Would you if it was YOUR child???

They want people to know more so that more research is done and cures are found.

So, I guess I feel God's pressence in my life saying "spread the word"... "make a difference" So our Beb-e-ssentials.com store is doing just that. We are making fun hats for Abby and Emma as a gift to help them feel special, and to help a family struggling for awareness....

I also am ready to send out a special hat to little Zoey, I love to read along Zoey's blog. My little glimpse of "what might have been". See Zoey just had a birthday and evey girl needs a new hat for their birthday. I hope she loves it, I made her a very vibrant, colorful hat. One that reminds me of her when she smiles that beautiful smile with those twinkly eyes.......

So here is a small selection of hats..... what do you think?

Okay, so I better get to bed so the clocks can change and I can loose an hour of sleep.... really!?!?! another one?????

As my sweet Kendall proudly says "God lubs ME!"

Not me Monday...... well, Monday night

2010-02-22T19:43:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I have played along with this game. You see I most certainly DO have it altogether and just haven't had any "Not Me's". But over the last week things must have slipped.... well just a bit.

Kendall has not over the last couple weeks decided that anytime she is eating that she should immediately when our back is turned "wear" her food. Last week she proclaimed I air (wear) nana ering (banana earings) When I turned back around from washing the dishes she had NOT cleverly placed bananas in her ears. Nope, not my baby girl!

I did NOT once again want to torch my van. Van issues,.... yet again. The bain of my existence! I did NOT chant to myself Dave Ramsay's words. "Live like no one else so you can live like no one else." Which I think we are probably doing, this van is on the fritz more than it isn't. Spring 2011 is our target for a new car..... yea right. By then we will be walking!

I have NOT been getting my behind kicked in the Kendall potty training arena. She is NOT proving to be the most challenging child yet. She is very willing, also willing the next few minutes in her pull up. I did NOT agree with myself to wait till spring and then go back on my word to myself.

I took Courtney, Logan, and Taylor snow skiing last week. First time for all of them. I opted to not ski and help, coach, and photograph them. I was not almost brought to tears as they just took right off. I also did NOT run UP the ski slope in my shoes under the lift the first trip up for the little boys. I was totally NOT planning on catching them when they fell out. I did NOT shock the lift operator at the top of the hill, when I explained that I needed to be there since it was there first time. He in turn did NOT look at me like I was a wild woman. I also did not get questioned from ski patrol in a conversation something like this.... Patrol: Mam, you don't have on skis????? Me: Oh, really?... I just got in a hurry and needed to make sure my boys could do the lift alone. Patrol... Mam, you may not be on the slope without equipment! Me..... okay heading back down, thanks..... (like I was NOT already running down trying to follow my boys. I would NEVER do that!

I have NOT completely ripped out Courtney's hat twice now! I would never gauge my daughters head SO wrong,I would never make her bucket hat so big we called it a chip bowl!

We did not as a family loose our sweet dog Maggie. I have NOT cried buckets everyday since. I have NOT cancelled all apointments until I can get a handle on my emotion. I would NEVER get so upset over a pet....

The heart of loss.............................

2010-02-21T21:14:00.000-08:00

I didn't intend on writing this post for a long time..... a really long time. You see I gave a big part of my heart away the week of Christmas 2007. I drove myself and my 6 week old baby to New York to buy a puppy. A special puppy that I had looked for for over a year, a puppy to fill the gap because our beautiful wonderful Standard Poodles Lilly and Chloe were getting older and I wanted to not be "dogless" if anything happened to them. We wanted to fit a dog into the family for an easier transition.

A dear friend and veterinarian of mine had a contact and the breeder was so nice and easy to work with. Logan and I made the long trip to New York together. The weather was horrible! Driving along the water with the lake effect made the travel a bit dicey but my trusty Jeep got us there. We drove most of the way and found a great new hotel to stay the night. When I laid my eyes on Maggie I was in love.... she was beautiful. A bit straggly, needed a bath from the kennel smell but I loved her. I loaded her up and off we went, she looked so afraid, so scared. I got her home gave her a bath and got her settled in. When the girls got back we boxed her up with a big bow and yelled surprise! They opened the box and there inside was this cute, tiny, scared puppy. From there she has been a joy to our family. We did so much together. She taught me the ropes in the dog ring, a true champion! We didn't fit the dog ring business very well. Maggie wanted to race the other dogs around the ring. I on the other hand just couldn't justify baths between classes and the silence between competitors.

She was a part of the poodle trio. Lilly and Chloe would dig the hole and Maggie would jump in head first and pull out ground moles. She loved to ride but hated to get there, she was uncomfortable being away. We liked to take her with us but felt so bad for her when she didn't feel comfortable. Those eyes of hers just made me melt ..... she was my joy right along with my kids. Don't get me wrong I was not Maggies "Mom". She was our pet, but that made her no less an equal part of our family. I spent the last several years sitting with her in my chair beside me at night.

I bothers me now to remember that there was time when I didn't like to share my chair. It upsets me to think that now. I would do almost anything to have her right beside me. My boys grew up with Maggie, Logan especially was a protector of Maggie. He has that "gene" that I do, I am sure I got it from my Dad, and my Grandma before him. We love animals, we have a heart for them and can't pass by and not care for them. I think that is why I have 20 stray cats even though my husband hates cats. It is a drive that I can't stop, I need to nurture kids and animals. Maggie made friends with everyone who came through the door.

Over the last year Maggie seemed to get old, she seemed to slow down and she seemed to have lost a lot of the hearing. I chalked it up to her being 9 years old. She just seemed to be cuddlier. At Christmastime she stopped eating her whole bowl of food each day. She also started to cough when she got up. I knew this was a sign of heart failure. But I was sure this was a slow thing..... we had plenty of time with her. In January she had 2 "spells". She seemed to have pain and then she was nuerologically impaired the first time and the second she seemed to "pass out" briefly.... I told myself we still had plenty of time. She still sat with me, jumping up into my chair everytime I sat down until about 2 weeks ago. She just couldn't make the jump anymore. I still had time ...... plenty of time.

It all came to a head last weekend, Friday she just seemed off and sad. Her eyes just didn't jump anymore. She actually didn't even finish her treats, my radar went off the screen and I started to panic. Thankfully my Mom and Courtney were visiting for the weekend so I could take the boys and Courtney skiing for the first time. It was comforting to have my Mom here. She gives me the strength I can't find when she is 2 hours away. We skied and had a great time, my Mom stayed and had one on one time with Kendall. When we got home we brought sandwiches and Maggie and I shared a few bites. She ate and I felt better, well I told myself I did anyway. I knew in the deep part of my mind that time was short I think, but I didn't want to even start to accept that thought.

You see Maggie was my confidant she had been with me during the dark. The time in my life that the wheels came right off the bus...... the time during the level II ultrasound I was told "Everything looks good, EXCEPT". EXCEPT..... those words still send chills up my spine and echo in my ears. Yes, I am at peace with Mackenzie not being here with us... her purpose was filled. But the memories of that day and those that followed still sting. My dog was there when my family wasn't, long passed the time Tim didn't talk about her I needed to. Maggie was there for me, I truly think she was what held me from falling all the way in. She always could listen and I didn't cause her any pain to hear my stories.

Courtney and I got up and ran out to get her birthday gift, I told her on the way that I thought Maggie would be fine. She seemed a bit out of it that morning but she would be fine. I wouldn't let her be anything else. But that wasn't up to me... I came in and she was having a hard time. She couldn't walk more than a few steps and she would have to lay down. When I let her out she had a hard time making it off the steps, then as I watched her struggle to walk straight out in the drive I knew I needed to be there for Maggie this time. My heart started to panic and then the common sense popped in. It was a Saturday and it was getting late, the vets office would not be open very late. If she got worse how would I handle it. How could I protect my sweet dog. So I made the call, I cried..... I cried and I made a soft spot in a box for Maggie. I gently sat her in the flat box and we went to take away her pain. When I looked in her eyes she wasn't there anymore, she looked so sad and so tired. They took us in quickly and then we seemed to wait for ever. Maggie slept soundly only moving once. I on the other hand cried buckets for my dog... the dog that meant so much to me ....... the one that soon would be gone forever. I wanted to pick up the box and run! I knew that made no sense and would not honor my dog, she deserved better.

They came in and with great compassion helped my sweet dog to go to sleep. And I cried...... so many tears...... I miss her terribly. I mark the day, I cry, and I miss her.... Well I always hear writing makes it all feel better, if so why am I sitting here crying? I know I will feel better someday. I know a new dog is NOT what I need. I know time will heal this wound, and I know that Maggie isn't in pain anymore. I just don't know when I will stop crying.......

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-17T21:31:00.001-08:00

Well, not quite wordless...... am I ever? Survivor is coming up again and Kendall is READY! She may not be a complete fashion plate but I frozen blizzard Ohio this is as close as you get.

Survivor .... the newest series

2010-02-12T23:27:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows my family knows that we are Survivor NUTS! We absolutely love it and even the smallest of the group knows that Thursday means Vivor "Survivor" .. and a pizza party. I saw this on a blog and had to repost..... I want to see THIS version... how about you?
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men
will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports
and take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must
take care of his 3 kids;

keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,

complete science projects,
cook, do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money.

In addition, each man
will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child
to a doctor's appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes
for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside, and keeping it
presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television
when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs,
wear makeup daily, adorn
themselves with jewelry,
wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished,
and eyebrows groomed

During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, back aches, head aches,
have extreme, unexplained mood swings
but never once complain or slow down
from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings and
church, and find time at least once to spend
the afternoon at the park or a similar
setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning,
feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be
required to know all of the following information:
each child's
birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size,
doctor's name,
the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,

and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if...
he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over and over
again for the next 18-25 years,
eventually earning the right
to be called Mother!

Can we do it?.......

2010-02-07T17:15:00.000-08:00

Well, if you have little kids or are a Grandparent you can answer that one. In the word of Bob the Builder..... YES, we can! I saw awesome and fabulous things come of a Mom and Dad with a very special little girl named Gwendolyn. They had a dream of treatment and ultimately a cure for the cruel disease SMA. This grass roots foundation won the #6 spot in the Chase Community Give and was awarded 100,00.00 to help fund research. How did they do it you ask???............. with a lot of help from people who were friends and some who just read their story and wanted to help.

Well, it's time again, you can help, you can be part of something bigger than yourself. There is this family you see, a family of 4 but here on Earth they are just 3. Their life is a story one they didn't choose. They are dealing with a disease and do it with such grace. Always remembering that God is in control and they know he loves them more than they can imagine. They are Matt and Patrice Williams and they know that little Jonah is here to make a difference. Rarely in pictures do you not see a smile on their face. The pain in their words is sometimes evident, but they praise God for each day they have with their little son Jonah. Their life day to day is lived with EB, and little Jonah is their miracle. Their sweet baby boy with beautiful blue eyes lives his life in pain, pain from friction on his skin of any kind. This sweet boy blisters with a bump or scratch. They spend their days wrapping and lancing.... watching Jonah be in pain from the skin patches that fall from him. They also live each day longing to have time with little Gabe who went to heaven before he ever got to come home. You can read more about them at http://patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com/. Just be prepared to be inspired and changed, not to mention smittin with little Jonah.

As bad as that is they are not the only family to live with EB. Many families live with EB and the scars it leaves behind. Too many babies.... too many losses........ too much pain. Epidermolysis Bullosa is a rare genetic disorder that effects the the way skin holds together. Bumps, friction, pressure causes his skin to blister and slough off. The possiblity of nail, teeth, infection and respiratory issues are also very real. Sadly, many babies don't live to see their first birthday.

For Jonah's Big Blowout First Birthday his sweet Mom Patrice wanted more than the usual smash cake birthday. She wanted to make a difference, so she and some friends came up with a wonderful idea. Jonah's EB auction...... all proceeds to go to DebRA for EB research. Cool idea huh?!? So the week before Jonah's birthday will be fun and exciting. So how can you help you ask?? Just remember the 4 P's........

1. Post your own information about the auction to your blog. Post to your Twitter, and Facebook too. Gosh, get on the old fashioned phone!! Let's get LOTS of shoppers!!!!

2. Peruse the cool line up as soon as they post it.

3. Pray, never ever forget the power of prayer. Especially when you get a bunch of Moms and Dads praying for children....

4. Purhase!!! Bid for those special, unique items, bid bid bid. Know that your bids are going to help fund research through DebRA.

When??........ February 22nd to the big finale on Jonah's birthday February 27th. Do the right thing....... SHOP!!!

Bits and pieces........

2010-01-31T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well, this has been long in coming. Tons going on here on the farm. I wanted so much to say THANKS to all that voted for Gwendolyn Strong for the Chase Community Give. With everyone's help this Mom and Dad run foundation came in 6th!!!! Wow!! They were given 100,000 for research to help stamp out SMA forever!!!!

Thanks thanks thanks...............

Like I said, lots going on here, and in the midst of it all my laptop tried to collapse on me! Thanksfully the computer is still working, you just can't see the screen..... a bit of a problem maybe..... but the nice people at Dell helped me to figure out that I can hook a desktop monitor to the laptop and still be in business. I am not nearly as compact as I used to be but I can load up and move the computer from place to place but still in business! The new laptop should be here in two weeks..... and the bill well probably in two weeks too... ugh

The boys are suddenly very busy through the week, so much so that we really have to squeeze school in. A new women's Bible study with a Bible study for the kids too on Tuesday, Crazy Wednesday with piano and church and the kids chior, Thursday morning homeschool group activities, and usually an activity for Friday too!! whewwww makes me tired just to type it all.

The hat business is heating up too. I should have some new photos to post soon. I can't believe where this has all gone and how far we have come. The vision to help others is getting better all the time.

Well, lots to do so off I go..................

Please take a moment for someone else

2010-01-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

I am a super supporter of a favorite blog of many, they along with several others have been posting about SMA. I had never heard of it, have you??? I decided today that the more who know the more to make this challenge a possibility. It costs you nothing.... takes moments..... could change a death sentence into a full life of LOVE and time. PLEASE, Take a moment and watch the You Tube video about these special children and their families. I hope it will not leave you untouched.... it shouldn't. I can NOT imagine the horror of this disease.... it just breaks my heart. If you are a member of Facebook or know someone who is, please take a moment to do something incredible!

Chase Community Giving is awarding $1 million to one charity and $100,000 to the five runners-up! The Gwendolyn Strong Foundation is working to find a cure for Spinal Muscular Atrophy - and they could use the money!

Fast Facts:

- SMA is the #1 genetic killer of infants under the age of 2
- 50% of those diagnosed will not live to see their 2nd birthday
- kids with SMA lose the ability to sit, stand, walk, talk, eat, swallow, and breathe
- 1 in 40 people is a carrier
- the National Institute of Health says that SMA is the #1 CURABLE disease if given research funding
- right now there is NO cure and NO treatment
- right now SMA is a DEATH SENTENCE

Want to change that? Vote for the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation on the Chase Community Giving app on Facebook! You have five votes to tell the world that you want a CURE for SMA!

Tell your friends and blog contacts - let them know they could be part of a MIRACLE -be part of a CURE - and give these kids a FUTURE!

MAKE YOUR 5 VOTES COUNT!!!!!!!!!

Here's the link to vote:

Better Late Than Never.............

2010-01-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

To say Kendall wasn't happy to see Santa is an understatment! She had been telling us "Hanta cary" (Santa Scary). But the day we went she was excited and said she wanted to talk to Santa...... Boy, do girls have the perogative to change their mind! The boys just crack me up, they seem oblivious to her melt down and Santa, well he was just thrilled to NOT be the one to get the screaming child. I did feel bad, as we left the line there were numerous kids crying. Ithink we started a bad thing.

At our house we are a really crazy bunch! Rarely is there a dull moment and my kiddos have never been heard saying "I'm bored". I think they know better, running a working livestock farm, having a family of 7, having a hubby that works quite a distance from home who is also working on a second career, and me working on a new business and also keeping up with some consulting work makes us a bit crazy!!

So, in turn we are not always .... okay rarely ever do we do things on time. I thought I would be sharing the pictures from our trip to see Santa. I have found though that I am absolutely useless at the scanner and can't remember to ask my hubby. So in an effort to share our fun moment with Santa I took a picture with my cell and then posted it......geeeesh!

A picture of Tiffany and Kendall or as we call her "mini me". She does LOVE her sister!

I also wanted to share a few Kendall bringing in the New Year pictures. She loved the noise blowers and got very good at them. As I watch the new year roll around I sit back and count my blessings..... blessings to numerous to count. Healthy family, a warm dry home, food on the table, fresh water to drink. As I look at my kids I can only imagine the Mothers in Haiti who don't know how they will care for their children in the midst of the horrific earthquake.

Take a moment, pray, donate, be a help to those that need it so much.

Well, do you notice anything wrong .....

2010-01-07T22:08:00.000-08:00

with this picture??

Well, she didn't dress herself, nope. I didn't dress her in the dark, nope. This is the only way we can put her to bed and have her fully dressed when we find her in the morning. She had quickly learned how to work the zipper and in Ohio you don't sleep in your birthday suit in the winter, nope...... A little Houdini, that's what she is!

So, other than the "twisted" look of the legs of her jammies it looks pretty good. The bonus is I don't find a baby popsicle when I go get my smiling daughter every morning.

Here's a few more shots........

Speaking of winter, we are awaiting what is being called the "white death" by the weather guy...... ha ha. They make a BIG deal about this impending snow. At the end of the day we had less than 4 inches and no wind..... some white death! I remember "real" snow when I lived up north. Real drifts and wind that tossed you around. Not that I am complaining but it is comical hearing them talk about our weather with such concern.... as for me well, I am ready for spring.

Back in the swing!

2010-01-04T07:26:00.000-08:00

Well, unfortunately the holidays are over....... no more are the mornings of jammies, cocoa, and the couch. Back to school! Well, the jammies and the cocoa still might be happening around here, but we are back in class. I think to be completely honest we are all ready to get back into a routine. The trees are working on being taken down. Not there yet but getting there, my favorite manger scene is safely back in its box, along with the other holiday decor. W still have inflatables in the yard, (just not inflated anymore actually frozen to the ground,which really bothers Kendall).

With the New Year comes new opportunities and challenges. Although I am not a resolution person we have set some goals....

Think before you speak, does it follow j-o-y? (Jesus),(others),(you). I think teaching children that self satisfaction should not be their goal but the imprint that they leave on others. Needless to say this one is hard and we are all working hard to accomplish it.

Pick up after yourself, okay, so maybe a little self serving but I think everyone should be responsible for the things they use.

Giving back, we are going to work this year to be a blessing to others, people we may not even know. We are so incredibly blessed and we have the capability of blessing others. Learning this lesson young will mold our children and help them to have compassion for others. We live in a world so worried about "self".

Spending more dedicated prayer time each day.

You can kind of get the idea. Dropping that self-importance that tears the heart of Jesus. Have you set any goals?

Merry CHRISTmas!

2009-12-25T00:06:00.000-08:00

Well, things are finally winding down here for the night. We had two Christmas celebrations about 150 miles apart tonight and everything has been brought home and put in its place..... Too bad my family can't do the same thing, you see we drove 2 hours and 30 minutes to my parents and when we got in the driveway we realized that we had forgot the gifts!! What!?!?! Yep, left them right by the door as we rushed out to not be late. Which we were not! We even beat my brother and his kids and live 25 minutes away. But no gifts...... oh well, we did remember all the kids.

Now the gear for Santa to pop in and bring gifts. We are all waiting to see when the kids are up in the morning. They have been given instruction to play quiely in their room till daylight. I forecast it being in the dark which makes it crazy for me to be here at this hour. I have breakfast ready and in the oven just waiting to be baked. Dinner is prepped and I am already planning a nap, we'll see if I get it.
I am finally feeling a bit better, a new specialist and a new diagnosis. Chronic Reflux! oh that and a strained back. The 2 are not together, so in time and with meds I will feel better..... Thank you God!

We have been so blessed once again this year, we have so many blessings. Sometimes it is hard to see the blessings but each step God sends us on is a planned path. It easily brings me to tears to think of that night so long ago in a stable where Mary gave birth to a child, a tiny child sent to save the world. I can only imagine how she felt looking into her sweet baby's face.

Merry Christmas!

Only at our house....................

2009-12-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

We often fondly refer to our house as "the zoo". Last night was just another example of that. Courtney had come home from school, the long awaited visit. We were all so excited to see her and spend time with her. When she is at school we miss her terribly. SO...... we decided to start our visit with a movie. I had heard he Jonathan Sperry was a good family movie and with all the ages we have that seemed great. On top of that we got to see i at the Danbarry Dollar Saver. 1.75 per seat! They also have an all you can eat deal on the horrible/yummy for you popcorn and pop. I packed our movie bag complete with containers and covered drinks for the little kids. So we hopped in the car and took off. As we left Taylor said he didn't feel well. I didn't think much about it, all the running around and excitement of seeing Courtney probably.

We met Tim at the theater and bought our tickets. Then I got into line for popcorn and drinks. As I stood there Tim and then Taylor ran to the bathroom. Then Logan said he needed to go also. So I waited for the food and realized something was making my sock wet?!!? I looked down and realized that my bag was dripping!..... yep right into my shoe. I "sneek" in the boys cups with juice Well, that started to make me giggle, just as I started to tell Courtney about it Logan came running from the bathroom loudly proclaiming that Taylor was throwing up in the bathroom....great. But I thought Tim was helping, a few minutes later Taylor came from the bathroom telling us that he felt much better. Then Tim came out telling me "Can you believe that some kid is in the bathroom throwing up?"

Off we went to the theater to sit down, I looked down into the bag to see a puddle. This bag is also my purse so I was a bit concerned what may be floating in my purse but decided at that point it was too late. Throughout the movie Kendall was not her normal self. She ate popcorn for the first 20 minutes then she popped from lap to lap disturbing everyone in the row behind us. She needed more drink so I got up left and filled her glass with water from the drinking fountain. Then Taylor said he needed to use the bathroom so Tim hoped up and took him. While he was gone I think Kendall got the same idea. So as soon as Tim and Taylor got back Kendall started to loudly proclaim she needed to pee she needed to poop. Now I have never gotten that request, ever from her so I figured that she really didn't need to go. She just wanted to get up and move so I tried to talk her out of it. Well, not happening!!! She just got louder and louder so for what seemed like the 50th time I stood up and headed out of the aisle. When we got into the bright shiny (germy) bathroom she wanted to explore. She no longer needed to go, so back to our seats. Once we sat down she started again to say (yell) potty, me go. So this time Tim took her and left. We settled in for the last 15 minutes of the movie. About 5 minutes from the end Taylor said he needed to go again and left. I knew Tim was out walking the halls so I started to pack up.

The movie ended and we gathered up our things and headed out. On the way out the door of the theater we saw tell-tale splats........ Taylor had gotten sick again..... and again.......... and again. It was like a breadcrumb trail to the bathroom. We sent Logan in to make sure Taylor was alright. He came back out saying Taylor was a mess. Tim came out and hand off Kendall who kept repeating "Tay Tay ewwwwwww".

What a night~ only at the zoo!

So here I sit......

2009-12-12T23:40:00.000-08:00

As you can see by the late hour I am not sleeping well..... It has been hard lately. The whole kidney stone thing I thought. But as I sit here in the chair I know it is more. Have you ever felt that funny nagging feeling? The one that you have when you know you should do something. Maybe something your not eager to do, maybe something that you can't figure out.

For several months my good friend Melissa and I have embarked on an adventure. You know, the hat adventure. We have had so much fun! Sitting together, making great hats and clippies and sometimes laughing at the bloopers. We delight in seeing parents plunk bucket and beanie hats on their litle ones. Their precious little faces can't help but make you smile. We have been so fortunate, sales are great and we are busy. BUT, that nagging feeling.......

Well, I decided about a month ago that we needed to make this business more. More than something to do and fun. It needs a purpose, I need to do more, if our hats can give hope to someone then I want to do that. Hats of Hope...... Maybe a bit cheesy huh? I guess right now I don't care about cheesy.

So, at this point I am looking, looking for the perfect place to start. I don't know the family or circumstance yet. There are several things I have been praying about, just waiting on God's voice and timing. Trying to be patient, not an easy one for me. Hoping to hear loud and clear the direction to take this venture.

Okay so now maybe I can go to sleep!

Oh my aching back.........

2009-12-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

I remember well as a child hearing those words from different family members. All the while thinking to myself "gosh what's their deal?" Well let me tell you..... I think I have said it as many times a I heard it from all of them put together!

Friday night about 11:00 all was well wit me, I was getting ready to sit down and watch a movie with my daughter Courtney, and her cousin Ashley at my parents. I was gearing up to do a big craft show the next day. Within 15 minutes time I went from feeling fine to laying on the floor! I knew pretty much 100% what I was dealing with.... Kidney stones!!!! My Mom and Dad and even my daughter Tiffany have had them so I knew the symptoms. Courtney woke my Mom and we headed off to the ER. They did great at getting us in and seen, within about 15 minutes they were starting an IV with pain meds and sending me for a CT scan. The results were kidney stones, UTI, and a cyst on my ovary. Geeesh! I got back to Mom's and dropped into bed. The next morning I thought I felt better, well that was until I tried to get up and immediately felt sick. I really wanted to attend this craft show. The logistics were going to be a bit tough but I wanted to go. Mom and Dad both looked at me like I may be a bit crazy and asked if I was sure I wanted to go. Dad agreed to help me carry stuff and after getting sick I did think I felt better. So Courtney,Ashley, and Dad followed me there to help load in.

Once I got inside I set everything up and things started. We were selling hats and clips very well. I sat and assisted everyone so I wasn't over doing anything.... Then at about 12:30 I started to hear people echo when they spoke.... hmmmm this is not normal. I ate some snacks that Mom sent and moved along. I kept having little issues all day long like the echoing and at one point the woman who was purchasing a hat's head was HUGE! I slid through the last of the day and Dad came to help me close down. I drove myself..... yes maybe not so smart, to CVS and filled the prescriptions from the night before in the ER. About 3 minutes into waiting I was attacked AGAIN! I was crushed, I had thought it was over, not so. I headed back to Mom's and decided to stay another night to make sure we didn't get half way home and get into trouble. The night was long and the pain just kept coming. Then Sunday morning we made a plan for my Mom to come with us and stay at the house to take care of the kids. Monday seemed to be a blurr and spent a lot of the day in and out of bed. I did make it to the Dr. and they told me what I thought they would.... oh gosh, that is too bad. And if I hear this one again I will scream... Oh kidney stones are just like having a baby! Let me tell you, I was not in labor for three days and I was not expecting a calcium stone when I was pregnant!!! It is NOT the same thing.

Tuesday I did start to feel better and when Dad came to get Mom I went out to the barn and helped out a bit. Well, it is now Thursday and my body still feels like I have been beat on!!! The nausea is much better but the pain in the lower left side of my back is slowing me WAY down. I am not a patient person by any means and I am fairly active with chasing kids, farm chores, and being a Mom. This is really starting to drive me nuts!!

So now I can relate to "Oh my aching back!!!" just praying for healing and soon!

Quick like a bunny

2009-11-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

Well bust my buttons!!! I didn't know I could upload pictures directly!!! You have no idea all the hoops I always jumped through to get photos up on the blog.

It's a wonder I get myself dressed every day! Now you get to see a few of our designs!

Long time no post!

2009-11-22T19:37:00.000-08:00

Wow, what is happening with the blog you ask?????? Well we are starting a new business selling kids hats and hair clips. We have been hard at work crocheting and twisting ribbon for the last couple months. We have worked several fund raisers giving a portion of the sales to great causes and are getting ready for another one.

I have been following an amazing family for quite awhile now that are coming very close to adding another sweet baby to their family. Being a family that has always struggled with infertility, I am in awe of all that Adrienne and Jim have endured and the journey that God has put them on. I will share more in the next few days...... no really just a few days not months!

I'm off to upload some pictures!

Wordless Wednesday........... Ever felt boxed in???

2009-08-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Back to School!??!?!

2009-08-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well, where has the summer gone? Unbelieveabley we are actually sitting in the sunroom working on our second day of school. I'm not sure who was more whiny about the end of our fun summer, me or the boys. But in any case we are back in the groove and the good thing is I am more likely to chime in with the crazy going-ons aout the farm. Since I wasn't tied to the computer through the summer I didn't frequent my blog as much .

Things you have missed?????

well, the list could go on and on but here are a few highlights..........

We had 3 brithdays in 4 days Kendall now 2, Taylor now 7, and Tim now ...well.... very old!

Tiffany was able to cash in my beloved "jeepy" aka 94 Grand Cherokee for a new zippy little G5 Pontiac, in red!

We failed to ever get potty training off the ground

we gained 2 more drop off kittys, total now about 20!

The boys started soccer and are enjoying the fun.

Taylor lost 3 of his front top teeth and has 2 more loose.

We attended Vacation BibleSchool

For Tim's birthday we all enjoyed a Cincinnati Red's baseball game with an incredible Steven Curtis Chapman concert after. What a testimony that incredible entertainer shares........ the concert was awesome!!!! the game well....... I went for the concert anway!

Our special favorite neighbors have moved and we miss them dearly. They felt God's call and followed. I am so glad for them.

well, that is a good start and since the newly 2 Kendall is being a crazy woman I better go!!!!

Good to be back!!!

Giving it all........................

2009-08-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been around when people made a comment about a a religious "fanatic"?? Over these last few months of me "unplugging" from much of Blogworld I have tried to go deep, really deep. I have found a peace that I haven't known maybe forever in my life. Has this been a fairytale time???? definitely not.... We have lost family members, worked through sickness of family and friends, been just as financially strapped as ever before and had all the day to day small children issues.(you know the ones......sticky,slimy,and tireless)

BUT, in the midst of it all there has been such incredible peace. I have been able to hold fast to Jesus. I have been singing those praise and worship songs and enjoying every nugget of good life when it comes. I feel like the depth of faith has been increased and I know without ANY doubt that God is indeed good all the time.
So as I weeded our new garden of lilies I wondered...Have I become that"fanatic"???

Then I realized maybe all along those "fanatics" have it right. They are living the life, giving it all, not just going through the motions anymore. I hope I can someday be whispered about. It could sound a bit like this "Oh look at that woman!, she must be crazy, what a religious NUT....... and why are all those cats following her (don't ask, that is a whole different story)

Anyway, my God loves me today and yesterday. A broken woman, a sinner, kicking around in the yuck and mire, being lifted only by the grace and love of God. My God is good.... he wants to be there to lift you above the mire too.

and just to add some fun and color here are a few of the reasons I am crazy and blessed at my house.....

You think he will float???

One small step for man

A bikini body to be jealous of

Wordless Wednesday......almost

2009-08-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

Family campout 2009

Wordless Wednesday Hello, hello.......Can you hear me now?

2009-07-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Praying for Stellan

2009-07-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

Please join in with us at the Davidson house and pray for Stellan. This little guy has been through so much and needs our prayers today. He is at this time being air-lifted to Boston in hopes of getting some much needed relief from the ravages of SVT that has been tormenting his body.

Give the family peace,strength, and rest........... help them to rest in the knowledge that God is in control and his plan has a wonderful end. Please allow them to feel the prayers being said on their behalf. Please allow His grace to be sufficient for all of them, the days ahead will be hard and no matter what the outcome Let them praise God's holy name......... Please God be with them, carry them through.

I haven't been abducted.....

2009-07-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well I guess when I broke the resolution of 3 posts a week for the year I did it in a big way. I have had a wonderful, exciting, and hard summer. I haven't been able to get the words out and on the screen. I sit and stare........ nothing flies out of me fingers.

I have tried to spend a lot of time with my kids and enjoy the warm days as they slip through our fingers. We have had so much fun, life has been as interesting as possible. With three little ones and one big kid in the house we always seem to have something to be thankful for and blessed by.

I am going to try to phase back in and by fall be back full-time. I want very much to document the fun we have had and the memories we are making. This blog is probably the only way that will happen with my over spent Mom brain!

Todays funny moment came this morning when the boys signed on to their "farms". Logan is a FarmTowner and Taylor is a FarmViller. When Logan saw Taylor's avatar he started to laugh. His comment went like this: Taylor! Why does your person have an "Arfo". Hmmmm, I looked around the corner at the screen and started to laugh... the little Avatar was sporting a very spiffy "AFRO"...... reminded me of my younger brother telling me his favorite band was the "Beatless" otherwise known as the "Beatles"

I hope your all well and God is blessing your lives..............

Molded by Faith...........

2009-06-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

As we traveled the long trip home yesterday from my Aunt Gin's funeral my mind was still reeling...... So much to take in, so many unanswered questions. My biggest still seems to be "why". Why now, why her. The days before the funeral and even as we traveled back to Indiana yesterday morning in truth I still hadn't wrapped my head around it all. It was all a funny rouse....... when we got to Indiana she would be there. Looking beautiful as always, her hair and nails would be impeccable. She would have the warm smile on her face and she would be laughing. Oh my, she could turn any frown into a smile with that laugh. She could make it all right, and she had a fun ornery side that would pull such a little trick like this just to get to see us sooner.
Sure, she wasn't really gone, there would be no casket, or dimly lit room, no need for multiple boxes of kleenex for all the tears. I would not see my own wonderful Mom and see her just a bit older than the last time. The sadness seeping in around the edges of her face, that she was so bravely trying to hold away. After a long trip that began in the wee hours of the morning we arrived. When we walked inside my illusion was shattered. There was a casket and inside was Aunt Gin, she looked so pretty, but not like I remember in anytime from the past. There was no warm smile or infectious laugh.... There was a lot of people there, who felt joyous for her journey out of this broken world, but sorry for themselves. Sorry that there was silence where in the past had been a voice, a very distinct voice. My cousin Micheal was one of the people who spoke, he reminded us of Aunt Gin's "voice" and heart song that made her the special individual she was. So true, it was said she walked to the beat of a different drummer. You see she wasn't like everyone else she was "special" she saw good when no one else did..... She saw beauty when others saw ugly.

My Mom spoke about her as well, speaking from proverbs.... "Train a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it." You see, this was an original 4 pack of girls. Four very different parts that made a complete set. They were "molded" by faith and by the unfailing spirit of my Grandparents James and Bertha Massey. These 4 very different women all had common bonds, bonds of faith, and caring, morals and grace. As we all set and listened to "The show must go on". Playing I could see my aunt smiling in my head, laughing and her eyes twinkling. I realized that we her family here have big shoes to fill, she has in part passed a torch to all of us. She was a part of the molding process that brought me here and now it is our job to "mold" the next generation coming along.

I remember one time as a small child that on one of their visits to our house we were allowed to use the good crystal..... something that rarely happened. We had stemmed sherbet glasses own to fill with desserts. I loved the fancy glasses! She asked me if I knew what it meant to clink the glasses together. he said you see when you click them together it means kiss my ass! then she laughed and joked, I on the other hand was shocked! Wow, she said a BAD word!!! I will never forget how silly she was and the impact she had on my life. Later that night my cousin Tim was unhappy that the girls wouldn't share secrets..... He told us if we didn't tell him our secret he would throw himself down the stairs. His sisters easily said "okay go ahead". Down he tumbled, falling into a heap at the bottom.... then he jumped up and ran to the adults, telling on us for him throwing himself down the stairs. We hear my Aunt giggle.... she said well Tim! "why didn't you tell them you would throw "them" down the steps.'

So today I find myself being nostalgic, the tears are flowing freely, my earthly selfishness is missing my Aunt and wanting her back..........

She would tell us we should never become "moldy" by faith...... sitting still and stagnant. Only existing in the past not sharing our faith with others or staying fresh. We always need to move along and grow........

Life and Loss.........

2009-06-16T17:56:00.000-07:00

This afternoon my phone rang, I picked it up and it was my Mom. I was excited to chat with my Mom. As I answered the phone I knew this call was not a normal chat. She told me she had bad news but I never imagined what the news could be. My Aunt Virginia, had died..... WHAT!?!? How could that be? Just two years older than my Mom my Aunt "Gin" could not be gone...... Growing up she was always the "fun" aunt. Very fun and creative she just oozed life. She was the best story teller I have ever heard, she could keep us in stitches with her stories.

And now she is gone.......... gone to a better place but gone.... I just can't figure out how to move forward from here. My Aunt had 5 children, 8 grandchildren, and 2 great grandchildren. She had a husband who loved her dearly and is lost without her. My cousin Matt found her and tried to unsuccessfully to resesitate her. My Mom is just lost, Virginia was the closest sister in the birth order. My heart is breaking for my Mom. My heart tells me that this IS God's plan. It was time for my Aunt to go.

Even the timing was part of God's plan, just 3 days earlier our big giant family had our annual reunion. Most everyone was there to be together, even my cousin flew in from New York to be with the family. She stayed over a bit to spend more time with her family, if she had not came she would not have gotten to see her Grandma live. We live about 4 hours apart so I feel very blessed that not only me but also my kids got to see her and spend some time. She was a very creative woman who loved crafts of all kinds. she was excited to go home and make some of the cute little clippies that we bought for Kendall's hair. She gave Kendall her quilt, she has given all the little kids a quilt for their birth. Kendall loves it, it was such a nice relaxing day for our family. We all laughed and had fun, now we will all grieve and know in our hearts that "Aunt Gin" is really home now. Out grief is only for our own selves.

The timing is probably perfect but so hard for me right now. Not only is it WAY too soon but just 4 years ago tomorrow June 17 was the day we lost our sweet baby Mackenzie Faith. I hope they are all together with the rest of the family in heaven.

I miss you already............ love you so much!

Potty Training 101

2009-06-15T10:18:00.000-07:00

Potty Training................ really!?!? .....now?

Well, it seems we are once again at that point. Ugh! My least favorite part of child-rearing..... potty training. I’m sure in the end it will all work out and we will have a dry underpants wearing child, but the getting there is not something that I ever enjoy. As with all other aspects of bringing up baby there is NO silver bullet. No one way for all that really works, well at least not at our house. I do believe that everyone has their price.....their currency. Figuring that out is just the first step.

So far Kendall is right in their with the pack at 22 mo. She is asking questions and now proudly sitting on her Elmo potty seat several times a day. She is so proud, she smiles and chats about the things in the bathroom and talks about who else sits on the potty. So far I don’t think she has the foggiest idea “what” she is supposed to do there. We have had one success because the look of concentration tipped me off but other than that we are still in the sit and wait stage of the game.

I think that her currency will definitely be food. Maybe cookies, aka animal crackers. When we bought the seat Taylor wanted to know where the hats and horns were. His currency was a potty party when we had success. Lots of tooting, horn blowing, and clapping. At 6 he still vividly remembers this.... Funny to me that it left such an impression. Logan was all about the praise. Courtney went through the process kinking and screaming. But she got there....... Tiffany our oldest learned her colors and was all about “big” girl panties. She was the quickest to train, maybe because she was the ONLY distraction at the time. Poor Kendall has to jump into line and hope someone notices. So I guess we are off and as they say slow and steady will win the race.

part of history ............. part 3

2009-06-02T07:25:00.001-07:00

Finally, the long awaited end of the beginning!

Right after the sparkly ball dropped on New Year’s Ever, I kissed him and said “SO! What about us having a baby. He was not impressed!!! But we did talk and eventually ..... after much begging, pleading and pouting. Yes I resorted to pouting! He finally agreed that we could try again, I think more so just to get me out of my funk. He does love me so much. I made my appointment and went in and had a face to face reality appointment with the RE. My odds were not good with my own eggs and we couldn't’t afford the costs of donor egg. That was okay because I just knew in my heart that God DID intend on us having 1 more child. It didn't matter the odds because if god could part the waters to free his people he could make our miracle and I would get pregnant, what were odds anyway??? Tim saw me as being over hormonal and not thinking it was a good idea but he did agree to give it another try.
We took the class and loaded up the drugs....several shots a day, (ouch!)and to me that is no small feat. I am a true needle-phobic, although helpful Tim was not impressed having to give all the shots. I did some of them after awhile because I knew his heart was only in this for me. He had been so hurt losing Mackenzie that he didn’t want to let himself even hope anymore. I went to the appointments and in for the scans, my egg production was not stellar but I only needed one golden egg and I had 8 follicles, the RE was impressed with the production. My hopes were high that I was going to beat the odds, I was considered way into the advanced maternal age category. We went to retrieval and got 4 eggs. I was disappointed but again I remembered that I only needed 1. We kept track of the embryos and their progress waiting till time to put them back. To my total shock and dismay none of our embryos developed properly and the procedure was cancelled, to say I was crushed and confused is an understatement. Once again I felt lost and like my body was plotting against me. I just felt sure in my heart God had a plan for us, I knew there was a piece of our family picture missing. My tiny myopic view....... my God is so big and I continually short change him. I have even on occasion found myself thinking I knew better how to handle a situation. Silly humans aren't we??
Elizabeth called again................. please, let me carry a baby for you. God is getting persistent, he wants this to happen. I went into the doctor’s office for a follow up and to see out next step. They were very firm that I was not a good candidate for anymore procedures, my thyroid was not reacting correctly and without that proper balance if a pregnancy was achieved it would be lost, my veins were shot from all the IV's with past pregnancies, and our egg quality was just not good. I was so sad this had to be God's plan, didn't it?............ but again Elizabeth called and said that God was getting really naggy about the issue, we needed to consider the surrogacy. So I said Tim and I would talk, I knew this would not go well and really felt this was not the path for us. I spent a lot of time in prayer asking God for direction in this matter. It was a short conversation............ NO! He did not like the idea of all the things that could go wrong. E in his opinion and I were just being “hormonal”.

Over the next several months E and I talked more and more. I started to see maybe this was our path. I knew there would be many many obstacles to overcome. I prayed, pleaded and Tim refused. Everyone he talked to told him to run from this situation, so many things in the news said this was VERY risky. Elizabeth would call several times a month asking if Tim was on board yet. Finally she told me we needed to move! She said God told her she would have a girl for us that would be born in August. Talk about a clear message!! One day she called and I told her that Tim was still refusing, she said “ tell him God says do this, and certainly Tim doesn't think he knows more than God right??, so I told him. Finally after months of pleading and a week after that message, Tim came in one night and looked at me and said “Fine, you think you need to do this go ahead. BUT if it doesn’t work this time it is over”.

We called the RE I had always used and talked to them. They gave us a huge list of hurdles and were not open to the procedure. So we did a little research and were told that one of the RE’s that had left the practice may be willing. So we called to make an appointment we got in that same week! So we went to speak with him, for anyone how has not dealt with RE's that quick appointment with no month long wait was amazing! He scanned Elizabeth and said if we could get the paperwork ready that she was at a good place and the procedure could be done at the end of the week. WOW! End of the week, what paperwork? Well it seems that surrogacy needs LOTS of legal paperwork. The RE gave us the name of a wonderful attorney and I called her right away, and she also got us in amazingly fast. So I went the next day and she said that she would help us out and have a standard document drawn up. If we could get it back we would be in time for the end of the week and her IUI! We had a terrible time lining up the donation part for Tim and almost had to cancel. They were able to give us some “food” to keep the swimmers alive longer and we were able to do it. All worked out and 9 days after the procedure we found out that Elizabeth was pregnant. Talk about amazing!!? We told only a few people about our surrogacy journey, we just didn't want to have to deal with all the comments and negative comments.We decided to not tell Tim's Mom and dad, we knew that they would worry endlessly and it really didn't seem to make sense to have them worry, they just would get a quick surprise!

We were so excited and our due date? August 10! August, the month God told Elizabeth that she would deliver. I learned early on that this pregnancy was really different from my previous ones in one way. I was not sick, I could enjoy the pregnancy! I attended each and every appointment, I tried to be as much a part of this pregnancy as possible. We talked several times a week and time seemed to stand still, when Elizabeth was 17 weeks along we went for the “fun scan” to find out the pink or blue question. It was a GIRL! I was so excited that on my way home I shopped for pink! All on sale and I got items for 4 holidays!!! God just kept on blessing us.... ha ha.

Early in August we were all anticipating Kendall’s birth and thought that we should probably start to break the news to some of the family we had not told. On August 3rd we made a trip to Tim's Mom and Dad's and gave them the news that they would again be Grandparents. They were very confused to say the least since I did not look pregnant and even more surprised to hear that the baby was due in just 7 days!!We decided after MUCH debate to name her after Tim’s dad Kenneth. Kendall seemed like the perfect name to me. His Mom and Dad finally got to start a baby grand daughter from the beginning. After 5 Grandsons it seemed perfect since none of the boys had used his name. August 10 came and went but our baby was so comfy that she wasn’t ready. On the morning of August 10, Elizabeth decided that she would be induced in 3 days. I was SO excited this tiny baby that I had been waiting to feel and see was finally going to make her entrance. We had my parents come and stay with the boys and could be at the house when we got home with her. I went to wait out the long labor, all of E's labors had been long very long.... over 24 hours. So I went alone and Tim and Tiffany planned to come up closer to delivery. I sat waiting and watching unable to “do” anything but thanking God for the blessing that Elizabeth was working to give us. I hated that she had to go through so much pain for me. I wished I could take that pain for her. She worked through the labor like a champ, she did such a wonderful job. Within 4 hours Kendall was about ready to be born and Tim and Tiffany came to the room. Our precious baby Kendall was born within minutes and our lives forever changed. 6 lb and 10 oz of wonder and amazement!! Our life has not been the same since! I see God's plan and blessings in each and everyday. Is life perfect now????? nope! We were never promised perfect! Just a life that is blessed by our saviours sacrifice of his precious only Son.

I can easily now look back and see the miracles. God did direct Elizabeth, he was faithful with the timing and the messages that he had told Elizabeth. He changed our lives forever by allowing us to have our baby Mackenzie. Even if we only got to have her with us for a little while. God directed our paths to cross clear back in September of 2000. He made beauty from ashes....... So yea,.... I want to be able to explain just how special she has been to us. I will never be able to repay Elizabeth for her gift. She easily says that God told her to take this path and she would never trade the experience. She also told us how could she ignore a command from God and after all we had agreed and been willing to be God parents and raise her girls if need be so why wouldn’t she be willing to give a baby to us............... she is an incredible person. A true blessing to us.

Kendall is as much or more of a miracle when I look at the path God sent us on than the other babies that I tried so hard to have. I want her to know that she is and always has been a blessing to our family.

Then .... such a tiny little blessing

Now ..... my little firecracker!

Is it a Vase, no It's a Hat!

2009-05-08T06:34:00.000-07:00

We have these 2 fun little items at our house.

We bought them at the Pretzel Festival the year we made the move to Southern Ohio (1999). Tiffany and I had come to "check out" the town and it happened to be on a weekend that they were having their annual festival. At first glance they look like vases don't they? Imagine our surprise when the guy in the booth called us over to show us these cardboard "vases". Yep, that's right corrugated cardboard, hmmmm not sounding like a vase anymore is it? Well if you look at the next photos you will see that not only are they not vases but, they are very sturdy and have lasted through 4 kids going on the 5th.

We haven't heard of them since we saw them that day but I have decided it was one of the best 15.00 I have spent on the kids. The hats open to all sizes so from little person to adult they are a perfect fit! They have spent literally hours in these fun functional hats...... Funky Fudoras 2 hats in one.

Not Me Monday...... It's back!

2009-05-04T08:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, let me start by saying that I did NOT miss the Not Me Mondy fun over the last several weeks while we all rode along with Mckmama on her journey with Stellan. Sitting in anticipation while my computer loaded everyday to see how he was. I sogned up for Twitter even though I only "tweet" to 2 people but I could keep tabs on the little guy that way. I also did NOT break my own goal of posting at least 3 times a week in the year 2009. I mean really how hard should it be to post just 3 times in 7 days or just under 170 hours........... but I seem to be caught in the latest Face Book obsession thanks to Nancy, my good friend from our IVF board. I DO Face Book you see..... (NOT). I don't have time to see when people are running to the store or fixing their meals. I do NOT stay in the real world! Feet firmly planted in the REAL! That is why Farm Town is such a normal thing for me, building, planting, running a virtual farm..... yea right that would be me for sure!?!? Like I do NOT have enough to do here at our REAL farm. But you see I have figured it out, the catchy little tune is hypnotic and it does NOT draw you in and bring you back again and again into the addiction. I have all but stopped cleaning and laundry here at the real house..... okay okay so I didn't have a great handle on it before but REALLY now I seem to log on to "check" my farm and work for others a lot! If I REALLY worked for REAL money we would NOT have a fat little piggy bank!
I have also finally understood the "you will never stop smoking till you are ready theory...... even though I know I should be more productive in the REAL world, I don't want to be! Blissfully planting, picking, selling, and yes even begging for jobs in too fun! SO, if you have many many mindless hours that you need to fill, just sign on to Face Book and click into Farm Town, your Dream farm is waiting for you too!!!

I did NOT this week make a plan to have all the organizing done for Spring only to throw those plans out the window due to time issues...... hmmmmm there it is that lack of time thing again. Maybe we should just MOVE TO Farm Town, it seems to be much more organized than home!

We did NOT get a bottle of gel and make the boys Faux-hawks this week. Taylor's seemed to just fall over into ringlets because his hair is NOT like his Mom's as far as the body goes. When he was little he used to smile and say "I love my turls". Logan however got a pretty good spike going.

We are not gearing up for a Granny visit this weekend. The last time Mom came both she and Courtney came for 4 days!! We did NOT run from store to store to restaurant the whole time they were here. Nope NOT us, the fun lasted so long that dinner did NOT happen till about 8:30 every night. I would never allow that kind of schedule mix-up with the kids. My Mom AKA Super Granny did NOT also buy overly expensive tennis shoes for all the kids while she was here. Nope, she would never indulge the kids like that. The kids do NOT think she is the BEST Granny hands down. It was NOT the best time ever. This time however just Granny is coming Courtney is NOT going to be hard at work studying for finals.... (she better be!)

We did NOT cook a 24lb. turkey and then bone it and cook it some more and turn it into 6 containers of quick meals for the warm weather so I am able to be with the kids and still serve REAL meals.

We did NOT put the trampoline up the day Courtney got here and now have the blackest socks in the neighborhood. No way, my kids would NEVER want to get so dirty.

I did NOT get so aggravated with the neighbors dog that I drove her home 3 times on Saturday and finally put her into her pen and lock the door so the kids could play and walk the llamas without them all being scared by BEAR the neighbors dog. She also did NOT puncture 2 balls and shred 1 frisbee. That would never happen since she is the neighbors dog and they do NOT allow her to be at our house more than theirs!

I did NOT put all of Kendall's size 2 shoes in the container. She is finally wearing a size 3 now, she is NOT also finally in a 12 month clothes size at least most of the time. After all she is only 20 1/2 months old now.

I did NOT feel so tired that I just couldn't make myself upload the pictures to go with this post. After all it was after 4 a.m. when I put down my hoe, long day on the Farm Town farm! I MUST have this ready for the BIG race in the morning with MckMama so the pictures will again come later.........

part 2 from history.......

2009-05-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

Early June we got in the car and headed to the hospital for our level II pink or blue scan. This is always a highlight of pregnancy for both Tim and I. When they ask the question "Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" We always about trip over each other yelling YES! This scan is really not for pink or blue but would look for abnormalities and give a good picture of our baby. We just really wanted to know pink or blue, there had never even been the hint of trouble. There was no fear in my mind and no doubt that our baby was fine. After the miracle of getting pregnant, and then being sick for SO long again, enduring IV hook-up for months. I was so sure God was giving us this gift to have and to hold forever. Once we got there they got us situated and the tech happily got the scan underway. The scan started and we immediately saw this our baby dancing and twirling. She was so active the tech commented that she was giving her a run for her money. I commented that I was dissapointed that we couldn't have a cool 4D scan to really SEE our baby. She smiled, poked a button and there on the screen was the cutest baby I had every seen. The tech explained she wasn't very cute yet because she didn't have a lot of fat on her but I was in love with the little alien. Oh and we found out our baby was indeed a girl!! God again blessed us! We were thrilled and I thought to myself “this must be what it feels like to win the lottery”. Then the doctor came in and they told us that he would be checking everything and he would mumble a lot and not to worry. Of course hearing that made me even a bit more determined to hear what he was mumbling. Now I wonder if the tech clued him in before he got there. He was a great mumbler, I couldn't understand anything he said. The next words we told us after he finished were burned into my brain forever. ..... “Everything looks fine BUT”..................... BUT!?!?!? My mind started reeling and I couldn’t breathe or think. He continued to speak..... “her heart”. My sweet little girl had a heart problem I caught my composer as the tears started to roll down my cheeks and we listened carefully to him speak. He recommended that we get an amnio and go for bloodtests. We had passed on the amnio before, it just wasn’t necessary but now we needed to consider it. The results wouldn’t change anything, but maybe this could give us insight into our daughters health and maybe it could give us a chance to be prepared. He left the room and then returned to ask if we would like to speak to the head of Pediatric Cardiology at Children’s we eagerly said yes. The meeting went well and we agreed to go back in for the tests, maybe they could do something before she was born or atleast be prepared when she was.. We only let ourselves hear that she had a heart issue that would need surgery after she was born. He was an older Dr. with very kind eyes and patience to listen to all of our questions. I started to pre-plan for our stay at the NICU. I was still sure that this problem would be resolved. God would just continue to make miracles of our babies life. We decided to call her Mackenzie Faith, and we called in favors from friends, famliy, and church to pray for our baby. After the amnio we waited uneasily through the weekend and on Monday I called the office so they could tell me everything would be okay. That call never happened..... they told us that our baby would not survive. I was also told that my thyroid numbers were extremely bad. We were broken and in disbelief, this could not be happening.......... why would God give us a miracle only to snatch it away. We started praying......... God could fix this and make our miracle even bigger. Elizabeth called 2 days later out of the blue and asked how we were doing.... Through my tears I explained our story. We cried together and she agreed.... God would not let my baby die she would be healed. Elizabeth assured me that everything would be okay. She said “I know you are supposed to have another baby, remember I told you that a long time ago”. She was right, I remembered that after I had Taylor she joked and told me that she knew I would have another baby. I had laughed and told her “no way” 4 times through the IV’s and pucking were enough.

Two short weeks later on June 17th our sweet baby was gone. . . . . . We were devastated, broken, lost. I walked through my days in the dark, it actually really was dark. My days were robotic and thankfully I had my 4 children here at home to keep me from crawling in a hole. I hated the nights, the dreams that chased me caused me to wake myself screaming. Life was no longer my own, I was gripped in a grief that just wouldn't let go. Several weeks later Elizabeth called me and I told her the news, again we cried.. Little did I know that my life was to take even more twists and turns. My normal would never be the same again. The beginning of August we were preparing to send our oldest daughter to college. Out of the nest and not to return she would tell us laughing. (She was back 4 months later.... ha ha). On August 9th Courtney returned home from her summer visitation with her Dad. She was acting strangely quiet and I thought it was just another adjustment time since she had been away. It was hard for her to bounce back and forth. The next day I received a phone call from her Dad telling me that Courtney “wanted” to live with him. We had a short but loud conversation, this made no sense and as a Junior in high school with friends I knew in my heart this was his dealings not hers. The next 4 months God gave me purpose, saving my daughter who was not strong enough to save herself. As I look back I think God sent me through yet another heart wrenching period to give me the passion to get up and move through the day. Court appearances and cross-examinations started to be my life, the worry and concern for my daughter took over. The grief still gripped me mostly at night for my tiny baby Mackenzie. I would still wake sobbing and screaming, the nightmares were indescribable. In December while Christmas shopping we got the call that Courtney would definately be staying with us. The judge was very complimentary towards our parenting. She also revisited child support and doubled the amount we had previously received. She strongly advised Courtney’s Dad to become a part of her life in a real way and not just put on a facade...... but I digress. My fear in early August of loosing all my girls in one summer was put to rest. Courtney would be staying home and Tiffany was back home not living on campus, another story for another time. Just my sweet Mackenzie was missing......

In the following months my heart just would not let go of the thought that we needed to have another baby. Tim didn’t want anything to do with revisiting the pain. We had 4 wonderful kids.......... we needed to be thankful and be done. Although I was very thankful, there was a huge hole in my heart that would not heal. I didn’t want to end my baby years with this terrible painful loss. Tim thought I was being hormonal and after a couple months of me begging told me he didn’t even want to hear ONE word about any more babies till January. JANUARY? How could I do that January was months away and I thought about it every 5 minutes? About the same time Elizabeth called and told me she needed to talk to me. We talked for a little while and then she told me why she had called. She wanted to be a surrogate for us. She wanted to carry a baby for us. I basically brushed it off ... thinking it was just crazy. But she called again and again...... and again. She told me the third time she called that God was telling her to carry a baby for us. I told her thank you but no. I had decided that we would go through one more try ourselves. BUT I couldn’t speak about it with Tim till January.

A little bit of history.............

2009-04-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I sat down with Kendall in her beautiful girly room. As I sat there holding this perfect little girl I once again said a prayer. I say a prayer of thanksgiving for this little girl everyday. Don’t get me wrong I am so thankful for all my babies. They were all long fought for, prayed for, and literally begged for. I have been blessed with a life of infertility, something that I did'nt learn to be thankful for till just recently. Anyone who has traveled this path knows the prayers and the tears shed. Our last miracle baby Kendall holds an even more special place in my heart. Someday I want to be able to tell her how special she is to us.

Kendall’s journey is such a miracle and it unfolded without us even knowing for a long time....

In September of 2000 I had just given birth to my first son, I was over the moon and thrilled with this little man. We brought him home and I immediately realized that we had some issues with his breast feeding. I have breast fed both of the older girls with no issue but things just did'nt feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on what the issue was. I called the lactation consultant and told them that we were having some trouble and more pain than necessary. I set an appointment and went in. They helped me out and then I ended up going back three times. He was a stinker about latching, so they worked with us a lot! While there they told me about a program... a playgroup of sorts for babies but in real life for the Mommies of the babies. We would go to the hospital and meet every other Tuesday and Thursday. We started to attend and really enjoyed it. There was a group of Moms that continued to attend the playgroup through our second pregnancies. One of the Moms in the group was Elizabeth. Elizabeth had her baby girl Merlin 6 days before I had Logan. We became good friends and I even was in the room with her when she delivered her next daughter Piper.

Elizabeth and I became close for a time and she even asked Tim and I if we would be willing to be the guardians for her little girls if anything happened to her and her husband. There was no one in their families that they felt comfortable leaving their girls with. We spent a lot of time in prayer about the responsibility of raising these two extrordinary little girls and felt that God was leading us to say yes. We spent many Thursdays together at the hospital and for lunch afterwards. Our kids made fast friends with each other and as they grew started to look forward to playgroup as much as we Mommies. We sometimes met in between times so the kids could “play”. Time flew and after about 4 ½ years we all started to miss this time or that time. I was'nt even nursing anymore and I traveled an hour to go to “play”. So slowly we stopped attending playgroup. We did still get together for the kids birthdays or to swim in the summer but we didn’t see each other very much. Our busy lives and growing children started to take over.

In January of 2005 I found out that I was “miraculously” pregnant. I my entire life I had NEVER gotten pregnant easily. We had always needed assistance from doctors, but here I was pregnant. After the shock wore off I prepared myself for the pregnancy. You see when I am pregnant I don’t “do it” well. At about 4 weeks along I start to get extreme hyperemesis, that means that I throw up continually....... morning till night. Nothing seems to help and believe me I tried everything. For the next 4 months I keep a handy dandy IV backpack plugged in so that I don’t dehydrate. I get new IV”s inserted every several days and I still puke several times a day. So I buckle my seat belt and get ready for baby number 5. In our house pink or blue is always the burning question. I literally can’t sleep some nights wondering. This time was no different, but I was hoping not so secretly that this time after two boys that we would have a little girl. I prayed “pink”.

Well, that is the beginning of this story and journey in our life, come back later for more...................

Don't get up yet...........................

2009-04-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

Back down on your knees friends................ Little Kayleigh is having big scary problems. Today there seems to have been a deadly change in Kayleigh. Here brain activity has been interupted. Her prognosis is grave......... I can't seem to type the words that the medical professionals are using. If you haven't been following along please click on the side bar and go read up about the amazing little girl and her family.......... She is so small and has so much to do before she is done. She is 10 months old and has yet to breath in the air outside a hospital....

Please pray............

Orange you going to pray?........................

2009-04-21T09:42:00.001-07:00

At our house we have a family that is our friend....... Well a bloggy friend family. Not only me but also my boys have been praying for a sweet little baby named Stellan long before he was born......They have never met him or talked to him but they also care deeply about this little guy. Told he wouldn't live by the medical profession, we all prayed and waited. Then God the "Great Physcian" decided that Stellan had work to do for on this earth. Once again the roller coaster is starting for this sweet little boy and his family. He is having surgery today to repair his little heart, the one thing we all know is that God is in control and he knows the outcome of this storm.

Even in the storm we praise God's awesome name..........

Will you pray too..................

Wearing orange for Stellan............

Drum roll please.......................

2009-04-20T06:58:00.001-07:00

I bet you didn't think it would take so long to give the answer to the "Any Idea Why?" post. Well it has been a bit crazy and if your a Face Book "person" then you may have also been "bit" by the bug. FARM TOWN....... I never thought of myself as Obsessive Compulsive BUT..... I had never met Farm Town. This little fun application game has taken over our free time. "Our??" you ask???? Well it seem that the boys have been bitten as well. Even so far as to wake me in the wee hours of morning only to ask "Can we play Farm Town?"

If by some miracle you have escaped Farm Town but are interested just let me know and you can play too. But beware..... this game may be injurious to your free time (waking mmoments).

And now for the explanation of the picture...............

it seems my sweet little girl is yet a first. None of the kids have EVER climed ON the table but she seems to think it is a stage and she should dance...... with no regard for the sides it really isn't a good idea. If I am not in the room I hear "uh-oh" "help" and she is ratted out by this guy. And BTW, I will have to give my little daredevil the idea that this could be a boat! I don't think that I have a imaginative bone in my body, never would have come up with that.

I knew God would show me a reason I had this charming but MESSY bird!

So remember ....... if YOU want an addiction and to play Farm Town just let me know. We could be neighbors.......

any ideas why?

2009-04-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

Boy, am I in a funk????

2009-04-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure but I think I may be in a funk. Either that or the meds for the sinus infection are just dulling my otherwise witty sense of humor........ Maybe its the endless chocolate eggs I have ingested...... or the peeps that are drying on the counter (they are SO much better when they are VERY stale). Or the potato chips.... yikes! I don't eat those those!?!? do I. Well the answer is yes I do if my dear hubby brings them within a mile of the house.

I try to eat well, really I do. Most of the time we don't have the OTHER stuff in the house but holidays can bring out the worst in my eating habits. This year the bunny only brought 2 bags of candy and 2 boxes of peeps for the 5 kids. How is it that the candy has quadrupled!?!?

We had such a nice time at my parents house on Easter. With the distance that we all live apart it is truly a blessing. We all got to catch up and the kids were non-stop playing the entire time. Courtney and my niece Lauren didn't get to come, they were surly missed.

Don't forget to brush brush brush so the cavity bug doesn't get you after all that Easter candy!

How about you, how did you celebrate???

And the BIG questions.......... real or plastic eggs????

Good Friday...................

2009-04-10T18:35:00.000-07:00

I can't think of a better way to put it....... today was a GOOD day. I went to see Dr. W this afternoon. I hopped in the car with my armour on, my armour of song I had the radio turned up and full of praise songs, I sang in my own American Idol fashion. I do LOVE praise and worship music! The drive is a short one, the route is so pretty. Spring is in bloom, the flowers dotted the countryside.

Dr W. is just the kind of Doctor that makes you feel comfortable. Old time with the office that goes with it. He is kind and he really listens. Anything that is not the "norm" he sends you off to a specialist. His wife and daughter are his office staff, his adorable 3 yr old grand-daughter is usually somewhere in the office.

As soon as I got into the office they quickly got me in a room. I had just enough time to get into my lovely one-size-fits-all (eyes rolling) gown. When Dr. W came in he sat for a moment and he asked me to explain what I felt and when I noticed it. The next few minutes I just prayed to be prepared to accept any outcome... any outcome, not just the one that I wanted.

Very quickly Dr. W felt and looked at the "bump" and told his suspicion that this "bump" was NOT Cancer. More likely a cluster of tissue and ducts that bind together causing a "bump" near the surface of the breast. He did give it a medical name.... but seriously at that point I was praising God for giving me more time here. A little more time to lead my children, teach them, love them. Hopefully my life can be a reflection of the love of God. I pray that we are leading our kids by an example pleasing to God. He wastes nothing and I want my life to be for His glory.

Oh and as I sat back up Dr. W did tell me that "BTW I can tell you one postive today"..... my response, What?!!? "You definately have a sinus infection!" Hey, today I'll happily take it, you see I was trying to ignore that too.

So Dr W made special arrangements for me to go get the big squeeze.... every one's favorite the mammogram. The offices were closing early but they arranged for me to go in so we didn't have to wait the weekend. I took a few little friends with me Logan, Taylor, and Kendall, What is that you say?? You have never taken 3 children between the ages of 1 1/2 and 8 with you to a Mammogram?!?!? Hmmmm sounded like great family fun... er well, actually like many times I had no sitter so my sidekicks came along.

All went well and they also confirmed the results that Dr. W gave me. Praise GOD! The kids behaved very well, I think the constant rules repeated over and over and over all the way there actually sunk in. That and the warning that there would be NO Wii play if there were ANY behavior issues. The kids actually made the trip more fun today, they gave me a focus and instant relief when I got the news. I look at them a bit differently tonight, with more appreciation, even for the "bad" stuff. You know, squabbles, dirt, messes, dirt.... did I say dirt?? Their pleas of will you come play instead of working are handled different. At least for a little while. with all prayerful intention a long time. Thank God for a clean mammogram and a clean attitude.

On this Good Friday I have so much to be thankful for..... I feel so sad for the parent so long ago who watched as their only son was tortured, beaten, mocked, spit upon, and was hung on a cross to die. All for the sins of a lost world....... God ultimately knew that Jesus would live, he would rise from the dead......the result of his suffering??.... Everlasting life for all us sinners, any and all who ask.

I have to tell you Spring has always been a favorite of mine, to me it symbolizes the resurrection... winter with all its beauty is a bit like a bleak cold death that always gives way to a beautiful rebirth.

Enjoy a few tastes of life that I found on my way to Dr W today...............

daffodils, my spring favorite

all kids favorite a dandelion

a peony bush

A lilac bush just leafing

a cocoon....... do you see it? We are excitedly waiting for the Butterfly that will hpefully hatch right outside our bedroom window by the "Mackenzie flowers".

Thank you for your prayers, they truly mean so much to me!

So......... well trying for peace today.......

2009-04-09T21:01:00.000-07:00

Not many words tonight......... it was supposed to be Apha Bitty but instead of coming up with witty "G", I decided to deal with an issue in my life right now. Until now I have decided to "ignore" this one. My life has been full.... too full. So I decided to not notice the lump...... no not a lump...... just a bump. Just a bump, a little bump on my right breast. Nothing to worry about, right? Well that's what I told myself...... Way too many other things for me to take care of, too many calls from my kids that pulled me in different directions......

but then........... my Uncle got the call, THE CALL, the one that said we can't do anymore. If we had caught this sooner........ yikes..... How can I be there for my kids, my miracles, if I am not around.

SO, it is off the the Dr. tomorrow...... the call seemed awful to make. I almost cried when she asked "What do you need to be seen for?" Oh I have this little lump, no bump. I hate the word LUMP, it sounds so scary and final.....

Since the call there has been peace...... I know this is all part of the journey in my life, the one God has in store for me.......... Praising God here in Ohio, praising Him for every drop of rain......

There are so many people right now that need prayers, families that have huge holes from the loss of little ones, or little ones that are not healthy, my issue is small in comparison.......

Wordless Wednesday............ Wow you look pink!

2009-04-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

Okay okay, stop the ride........ I want off!

2009-04-06T00:35:00.000-07:00

It seems lately that when it rains it pours...... So many things that could go wrong did. I am not a complainer by nature and try to take life in stride but goodness, I am getting exhausted trying to maintain and get through the day. Here is our short list of the last couple weeks.

a bit of a kerfluffal with Tiffany's tax return that needed the accountant to walk us through....
the whole family sickness, no need to say more about that one........
my uncle was told that his cancer is not responding and his only hope is to go through some experimental treatments. This is my Dad's only brother and now Dad is really having a rough time too.
Tiffany's struggle with the college she attended and consequent battle to hold on to the good work she accomplished.
Financial issues that seem to be plaguing us.
Stresses at work with Tim also the stress of the final inspection of our addition.
So many stresses and heartbreaks from my bloggy friends.
Tiffany started to feel sick with bouts of pain.
Yesterday I once again fell SICK! ... you have got to be kidding!?!

Then today I decided that, once again I just couldn't go to church. I seem to be a walking germ right now. So Tim took the boys and off they went. He declined taking Kendall along, slight bummer.... I really wanted to just veg...... Then about 25 min later Tiffany came down complaining of belly pain. I continued to do regular morning stuff and get Kendall breakfast. About 15 min later she screamed from upstairs and thought she was dying...... she is a bit of a drama queen but this seemed real. So I told her she needed to decide if we went to the ER or not. Within 5 min she had decided we better go........ So sick me, Tiffany in pain, and Kendall threw some things together and ran out the door. Ooooops, Tim took the car with Kendall's car seat and stroller!! I found a seat that she could ride in a adjusted it, the fit wasn't right so we went to church and switched cars. I didn't think I could do a long ER visit without the stroller. I called and of course Tim's phone was off. SO..... I had to run in to the service looking REALLY bad and switch keys and let him know we were going in. Once we got there they put us in a room fairly quickly.

By the time they got some pain medication in Tiffany and some tests run Kendall was through with being there. We ate all the snacks and drinks so I walked her up and down the hall till she fell asleep. All the while getting looks like I was the patient and not Tiffany. Coughing and runny nose........... great I probably gave THOSE poor people germs too! They finally came and told us that Tiffany had Kidney stones and probably would be prone to them for the rest of her life. She is not a pop drinker and takes pretty good care of herself. I felt so bad for her, she was just miserable. We got discharged late in the day and headed to the pharmacy. Before we could get somewhere for something to eat.... I was starving and so tired, she had another attack! I drove her back and wondered do we go back in??? Pay another fee???? As I walked through the door Tiffany was still in the van in pain and loaded with morphine and vicadon that wasn't touching it. Miraculously our ER nurse was walking past, we talked and decided that coming back wouldn't help so once again off we went home.
I was so glad to pull in the drive. I was going to BED! well, I thought so anyway. Tim met me in the drive asking Tiffany questions about our trip and then telling me we needed to run to town to get fuses for the barn. I could have cried. I just wanted to go to bed. After about an hour I got Kendall down and got to nap.... Now I am awake miserable and can't sleep!!??!?!?!

I just need a break....... a slow week.... still not complaining, I think I am too delirious to do that.........

Getting creative and Alpha bitty moments

2009-04-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

This is a first try for me on a new bloggy day of the week thing. I'm game, especially with the alphabet. I am pretty good at it you see.... so I will try to play along a bit.

How about a bit of "fist-fight" fun. These guys keep us giggling all the time.

Pop on over to Mama Bear's blog and play along.....http://thisfamilyof4.blogspot.com/

Well, today our boys decided that they wanted to get involved with Stellan's name gallery. You see, we like about a million other people,(no really, Jennifer's blog just hit 7 million today)we have been praying for little Stellan's heart to slow down and let him be the healthy little 5 month old that his Mom is praying for.

So they watch the tweets to see when there is some new information. While we were surfing we stumbled on the name gallery. This is the place that hundreds if not thousands of people have written Stellan's name is creative ways. So we started to brainstorm and many many of the ways the boys thought of were already taken.

But about 3 days ago there was a breakthrough. Only problem was we had NO sun! As you can see from the shots we needed sun.

not too shabby for 6 & 8.

Speaking about not to shabby, someone seems to have had a language explosion. At 19 months of age the words just seem to be popping out of her all the time. This is a short list just so I can remember

Mom
Dad
Tay Tay(Taylor)
Go dan (Logan)
Nee (Tiffany)
Cokey (Courtney)
nana (banana)
baby
poppy (pacifier)
cookie
bye bye
hat
bow (her favorite)
soooz (shoes)
Cosss (socks)
night night
baf (bath)
Pa (my Dad)
mama (llama)
arff (dog, and what it says)
cak cak (duck)
Mooo (cow says)
gouldy gouldy (cheerios)
bitey (bite)
catty (cat)
MoMo (Elmo, another favorite)
beaney (green beans)
uh-huh (in a singy song tune)
Nax (Max)
moe (more)

Kendall absolutely LOVES to sing and dance. She sings so loud and one of the songs sounds like the B I B L E.

One of her favorite pastimes is to play in her closet with her shoes. She also likes to feed her baby, pet the cats or dog. Feed treats to Max and Maggie.

She also likes to play with cars and trucks, sound effects and all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Conversation with a 6 yr old.

Taylor: Hey Tiffany, I am going to play a April Fools joke on you.

Tiffany: Taylor, you can't play an April Fool's joke on my now.....

Taylor: Why not?

Tiffany: Because April Fools Day is over.

Taylor: But I didn't remember to do it on April Fools Day.....

Tiffany: Sorry, you'll have to wait until next year now.

Taylor: No, I'm going to just do it now.

Tiffany: You can't buddy, that's the rules......

Taylor Oh okay, well I got a good one for you next year.

We are preparing for a weekend of fun and excitement..... how about you?

Wordless Wednesday....... which way to the mall??

2009-03-31T22:47:00.000-07:00

Random Picture Challenge

2009-03-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I guess I need to play, I have stalked for awhile now check out this blog and have some fun...........

While I wait to go for a uncomfortable talk I need a little light fun.....join in if you dare..... enjoy those archived pictures.

27th folder
or December 2007
27th picture

One of the things around here that usually makes me smile!

Keep those prayers going...........

Tears that flow like a river.............

2009-03-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

Reaching out over the miles to give extra shoulders to some families that have touched my heart. I pray you can lean on Jesus and release your tension and grief.... My heart breaks for all of you, no Mom should have to watch day after day as her child struggles and the medical community can't seem to make them better..... No Mom should have to take their new baby girl from the hospital to the morgue.....
The strength and love that a young Mom & Dad have for their tiny son, as she charts new waters taking home her son with fragile skin....
The fear of a Mom as she is told there is a lump in her breast just days after bringing home one of her sweet daughters from the hospital after a surgery......
Praying for a sweet baby that finally may get to go home after 9 long months in the hospital....
The joy mixed with apprehension of sending your child in for surgery on her heart...

Life in a balance..... view from a fish bowl

I am so thankful that God holds us in his arms and loves us.

Tonight I pray to take a portion of the pain.... to allow it to be shouldered by me. The pain from all of your words is so raw, the tears continually fall as I cry out for you.

Praying for your sweet families... praying for miracles and peace...for smiles and laughter...

Would you pray too?????

These families are at the top of my lists right now......

This sweet baby girl Carleigh that has flown to Jesus and her family. http://carleighmckenna.blogspot.com/

Sweet Stellan and his family, especially his Mom as she endures mounting hours of stress and frustration. http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Little Jonah as his family has the prospect of getting to take their sweet boy home. http://patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com/

This Mom as she waits in fear.... fear of a lump in her breast. She is a Mom of three little girls that need her. http://livinglifewithlaney.blogspot.com/

For little Kayleigh who is inching ever closer to getting to go home, for the first time ever. Her 9 month birthday has past, but she is finally almost ready. Her button is on the sidebar.

For my sweet long distance friend Karina, this week her baby almost teenager is going to have a heart procedure that will help her to live a fuller healthier life.
http://11thhourrebel.blogspot.com/

On my dirty prayer knees..............

Need some advice.........................

2009-03-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

We are in the middle of a semi-crisis here at home. Tiffany has been in the LPN program now for about 15 months. This last term she said from the beginning that there was a professor, new to the school, that was really making things hard for the kids. She used her own "style" of teaching and the kids were failing right and left on the tests and exams. She had to add 25 points one time and 2-7 another just to have some kids pass. She taught over the kids heads and used a different book for her information than was supplied to the kids. Several of the kids contacted someone at the school and they were told they were aware of the problem and to "just hold tight". Now it seems nothing was done. There was a couple occasions that Tiffany questioned in class her grading and showed her the passages in the book to support the answer the kids gave. The teacher still would not count the answers stating that was not the correct protocol. At the end of the term grades were so bad she gave an extra take home test for them and told them they could work on them together. When they got their grades Tiffany got 5 points less than the girl she worked with even thought their papers were the same. Tiffany made an appointment and went to talk to the professor about the grades and was pretty much just degraded by the professor. This deduction in points put her .08 below passing. She spoke to the student advocate and he went to the school on her behalf but the grade was still not changed. Yesterday he e-mailed Tiffany and told her she would not be graduating. Tiffany is supposed to graduate from the LPN tomorrow! Nice timing huh?

So now we have to file an appeal and I am not sure what we need to add to it or what the process is. At this point failing by .08 puts Tiffany out of the program, no credit for the other classes, all A's by the way, she is out......not allowed to retake the class or even the quarter. So far Tiffany has 18,000.00 in student loans to the school and 15 months time. I am finding it very hard not to be MAD about this. It just defies all logic to me that failing a class can throw you out with no credit given for all the work she did.

Sorry this is so long or rambly............... I would love to hear any ideas I feel pretty helpless right now. She has not taken school lightly and works for her grades. At this point my plan is to be a the school with Tiffany first thing Monday morning and have a talk with the Dean or anyone else that will listen....

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

Just a moment of weightlessness............... keep praying for Stellan......

Pray pray pray

2009-03-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

The news today has not been an average Monday. I posted and then pulled my Not Me Monday. My head said ....... it will be all fine..... kind of a ostrich with its head in the sand attitude. The news today has gone from sketchy to absent. Little Stellan is very ill. His heart is experiencing the same problems it did in utero. The trigger seems to have been a nebulizer treatment. The result none the less is BAD.

Please, get on your knees and pray for this little guy and his special family. His Mom is such a wonderful Jesus-loving Mom, she knows that God's plan will be the path for Stellan. She is all knowing that God will lovingly take care of her son whether here or in heaven. Like most Moms she longs for many more days with him here.

pray, pray, pray..........................

I'm SO confused

2009-03-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

I started to "blog" in August of 2008 so I haven't been at this for a long time. I wanted to chronicle our crazy lives so that there would be a bit of proof you may call it about what happens here day to day. Well, my blog has turned out to be more and my connections have sent me far and wide. I have "met" some of the sweetest families and God has touched my life with their stories over and over again.

Many times I will comment and let them know my feelings and if necessary the prayers I will be sending their way. Simple enough right?? People lifting people, I occasionally will read other comments, many times to keep up with twittering. I didn't have twitter and now still am not completely comfortable with the process...ie. still have no picture I can't figure out how to do it. You get the idea... So..... most of the time I watch the sidebar on the blogs and keep up with comments.

Today I was once again shoked and disappointed to read through comments and find nasty, mean, and judgmental comments amoung the bunch of a favorite blog of mine. I just don't get it....... if you don't like a blog why spend your time there? Why try to beat someone down? Why be so judgmental when you are reading someone's blog? Kind of like the nosey neighbor who bursts in your house only to complain it isn't decorated or clean enough for them...... I completely get that some of these people ...need Jesus in their heart... yadda yadda yadda, but I guess I don't have a lot of patience for blantant nastiness when a family is in crisis.

I say keep those negative comments to yourself! I have personally not had this problem... I don't get many comments and those I do get are very sweet and appreciated. BUT.... many of my "bloggy" friends are getting beat on and I don't like it! Didn't your Mother ever teach you "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all". Don't kick a guy when he is down.... you get the idea.

***** Stellan update*****
The news today for me anyway was even more disturbing for little Stellan. His SVT's are getting scary and his poor Mom is just pulled to the ends. I understand completely her feeling of just grabbing up that little guy and running away. The whole experience is proving overwhelming. Please won't you join us here and get down on your knees to pray for peace........ just pray for peace and strength for Jennifer (MckMama). She is in a battle and evil just longs for a foothold right now. Help her to cling to the cross and God's love. Please pray for little Stellan that his tiny body can continue to hold tight and stay strong during this time. Help the Drs. and nurses understand that this tiny baby is not a patient, he is a son, a brother, a grandson, a child of God. Give them wisdom as they move forward with his care.

I have added a button to remind us to pray for little Stellan, grab it if you can or want to.

praying on my dirty knees....................

Wordless Wednesday....

2009-03-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

hmmmmmmmmmm....... I think it is growing on me. I might just leave it up!

Too much TV?? You be the judge......

2009-03-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

We have a little ritual at our house since I am not the jump out of bed at the crack of dawn kind of girl. We start the day in my bed watching a bit of TV. The boys love I Love Lucy show. You know the old reruns, we are pretty strict about what the kids watch but the really like the show. If you look deep in your memory banks you should remember the classic episode of "Job Switch"... or better known as the Candy Episode.
Lucy and Ethel get to work in a candy factory while Ricky and Fred stay home and take care of the house. The girls last chance to keep their job is to be candy wrappers. They are told that if one piece of candy gets passed them they are fired. so..... the candy starts to roll and go faster and faster. Not being able to keep up they start dumping the candy down their dresses..... you get the idea. A real belly laugh at our house.
So ...... to my surprise look at what Kendall has done with her Cheerios at breakfast the day we watched the episode.... can you see them????? At first I couldn't figure out what she was doing but then I realized she was mimicking the show!

What a funny girl!

Not Me Monday

2009-03-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

What a week..... what a week!! There are real advantages to all being sick at one time but when your in the middle of it it is NOT the ugliest thing!!! We did NOT all stay sick until mid-week, then the boys were feeling better. Kendall's fever broke and she seemed to just "deal" with being under the weather. My husband did NOT end up being sick the longest.... hmmmmm..... really...... sounds like he might NOT be the biggest baby in the house. How about your house is your husband a HORRIBLE sick person?? Mine is NOT the worst, we didn't all just seem to be exhausted even when we were feeling better.

We did NOT speed through part of the week in school so that we could have the end of the week open. I did NOT loose my temper just a few times with all the nose blowing and scratchy throats and whinning about not wanting to do school. I did NOT use bribery to get them to comply.... I wouldn't do that, what self-respecting Mom would!??!

Kendall has NOT seemed to explode during the last week in the "big" girl department. She is talking a lot and loves to sing! She also has started playing by herself very well. Sesame Street is her favorite TV show and she jumps up and dances whenever there is music.

I did NOT feel pretty embarrassed about still having Christmas things out last week and put all (most) of them away. I do NOT have a Christmas tree still sitting in front of the window..... lit. Well, it is still pretty right??

The kids and I did NOT pack up the van and head North on Thursday last week. I did NOT worry a bit that this trip might interrupt our Thursday night TV line up. Nope I would never put TV viewing before family.

We did NOT plan to spend a few days in the woods working on a family tradition. When I was a child our family started to make Maple Syrup in March every year. We tapped the trees in a family owned woods and then collect the sweet water that came from the trees. This is then cooked down and bottled......... yummy! When I was a kid there are 2 memories about Maple Syrup that come to mind first. Sitting in the "sugar shack" and getting poison sumac so bad that both my Mom and I ended up in the ER covered with poison inside and out from the smoke, and the other thing was being allowed to drive the truck when I wasn't old enough yet. Slow and on the back roads.... but on the way home Dad would hand me the keys and let me drive. One time when we got home I confused the gas for the brake and just missed hitting the house when I turned into the driveway.... So of course I wanted my kids to experience this childhood memory right??? Well, they aren't near old enough to try the driving and we carefully check the woods for vines now. It truely is one of the big memories as a kid, running from tree to tree and occaisionally just tipping up the bucket and drinking it. So after driving to the sight and bundling up we trekked the mile from the road to the woods, fully Carharted, gloves and hats. The first morning it was still so cold that the sugar water was frozen in the buckets. By the last day though we didn't need gloves or hats.... good thing we forgot them when we went to the woods.

It was NOT so muddy that Logan lost his boots the second day. He did NOT just about drive himself crazy because when he emptied the buckets "they are still dripping!!!" He ran from tree to tree through the woods trying to keep up with the dripping. We did NOT gather, boil, gather, boil, and then get the tractor stuck in the mud for 3 days. Taylor did NOT after the first couple times around the woods decide that it is much more fun to play with the cousins and their 4-wheelers. We did NOT also get to spend time with my brother, his kids, and my daughter Courtney who was on spring break. I did NOT see a BIG smile on my quiet Dad's face seeing all but 2 of his Grandkids making new memories in the woods. Next time we need to get Tiffany and Kendall there. Tiffany did NOT pass the multiple exams she took during the time we were gone and little Kendall just got one on one snuggle time with Granny.

Just for a bit of reference 50 gallons of sugar water makes 1 gallon of sweet yummy syrup! That is NOT a lot of work..... running from tree to tree gathering, then boiling boiling skimming skimming ....... in the end it is SO worth it. But the next time you pour some syrup on your pancakes just think about all the gathering gathering boiling boiling ........

We did NOT stay home from church today again this week. Kendall coughed a lot last night and woke with one of those YUCKY noses that MUST be harboring germs. All the cheek pinching that she gets at church may just get people sick. The boys were wiped out from the days in the woods so we stayed home and had our own little church.
God is SO good!

We did NOT have a great time visiting with my parents! I hadn't been home to see them since January 1st. This trip was long overdue......... we did NOT let too much time go by without seeing each other. Family is TOO important!!!

How about you???????? Leave a comment and let me know your there............

What kind of world do we live in.........

2009-03-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

This is a post from a friend on a Mom board that I thought was so incredible and unfortunately true in our soiety today. Nancy, thanks for bringing this to my attention......

Don't know whether you heard about this but Denzel Washington and his family visited the troops at Brook Army Medical Center, in San Antonio, Texas(BAMC)the other day. This is where soldiers who have been evacuated from Germany come to be hospitalized in the United States, especially burn victims There are some buildings there called Fisher Houses. The Fisher House is a Hotel where soldiers' families can stay, for little or no charge, while their soldier is staying on base, but as you can imagine, they are almost filled most of the time.

While Denzel Washington was visiting BAMC, they gave him a tour of one of the Fisher Houses. He asked how much one of them would cost to build. He took his check book out and wrote a check for the full amount right there on the spot.

The soldiers were amazed to hear this story and want to get the word out to the American public, because it warmed their hearts to hear it The question is - why do: mis-fits like Britney Spears, Madonna, Tom Cruise and others make front page news with their ridiculous antics? Denzel Washington's charity doesn't even make page 3 in the Metro section of any newspaper except the local newspaper in San Antonio.

Isn't it a about time to put the real heroes in the spot light and stop glamorizing fast, loose, irresponsible living.......

Wordless Wednesday....

2009-03-11T20:43:00.001-07:00

Oh my, what big feet you have!!!!

Sure signs.....

2009-03-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so much better over the last few days. Not only has the cold started to take a cue and leave our home for somewhere else but it is something else completely. where I live.... aka the old capital of the mid west, we have some pretty distinct seasons. It is bad enough that many of us actually suffer from Vitamin D deficenies in the winter. We just don't have enough sun shining through the clouds. It is cold,windy, and cloudy most of the time. That seems to cause many of us to go into a depression type state.

I have been so down lately. This is pretty normal for me each year. I think that I am just about at the end of my sanity. Life starts to seem darker and darker. Well, for the past 2 days we have had sun...... lots of sun and warm temperatures. Warm for us lately anyway. It was 65 degrees!! While this is maybe not egg-on-the-sidewalk-cooking weather it is a huge change! The barn doors are open, the llamas out and about. When your outside you can feel the warm on your skin.

For me it almost is like a new birth...... or maybe a great sale. ha ha You know the feeling, just warms you from the inside out. I looked out the window and over the last 4 days the ground is popping with spring bulbs. Yes, life is good. We still have trials and we are still praying and broken for families we know. This little bit of light just seems to make it all a bit easier.

So as I start to flip the wardrobes from warm winter clothes to bright light weight summer clothes I am smiling!!

On another note I must just say I am so proud of the hard work I have seen out of Logan this winter! He is our very professor-ish 8 year old and he has really worked hard in school. He just got the results of the Scantron and he just blew it out of the park. He scored 98% in Math and 97% in Reading Comprehension, he has also ask for more responsibility at the barn. He wants to earn a llama of his own, part of that comes when you are ready to be responsible for barn chores. He does about 1/2 of all the barn chores now. That includes clean-up, watering, and feeding for 12 llamas and 20 cats...... (spayed and neutered, I promise!) That is a post for another day and a pet peeve of mine with people and disposable pets! Anyway back on track.....Good job buddy, you are growing into an incredibly responsible guy!!

Not Me Monday

2009-03-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Off we go but don't mind me if I pause to cough, clear my throat, or blow my nose. Yep, It's just one of those weeks at our house. It is afterall NOT my own fault, just last week I did NOT mention to someone that we hadn't been sick in over a year except for a few asthma issues with Logan..... Well, three days later I come down with a major bug. Day by day the whole family did NOT fall into a pile of sickness....

Our family did NOT go through 3 jumbo boxes of Puffs in 2 days...... We have NOT spent the last 3 days hanging on the couch, we did pretty good till my dear husband got sick on the weekend. Things did NOT gets amazingly worse when he also got sick. He is NOT the worst sick person on the planet.

I did NOT talk to one of my dear friends and mention that I would need to take down the CHRISTMAS tree soon. She automatically wondered why that wasn't a part of my NOT ME MONDAY. What?!?!?! Could it be that most people do NOT have at least one Christmas tree still up in MARCH?????? Afterall I took the main tree down January 3.....I was shocked!!! hmmmmm and as I looked around the house I noticed that this year I may have missed a few things..... Do NOT notice the dust please.....

Over the past week I did NOT have to do the Spring and Summer shopping for Kendall. My favorite store is going out of business and everything is at least 40% off. So I really had no choice right???? Poor little thing has nothing to wear as you can see in her 12 ft. long closet.

I did NOT do a happy dance all the way to the car with some of my great bargains!! OH wait, maybe part of that was because I got to shop alone!!! No small children tugging, begging, or trying to hide while I carefully shop on a budget. These are not my two favorite dresses.

I also got her Easter dress and it did NOT cost me just $4.19. In the end she got a wardrobe of 9 dresses, 5 capri sets, 9 short sets, 3 long pants outfits, 3 t-shirts, 2 pr of shoes, and 4 hats. The grand total was NOT under 100.00...... Wa Hoooo!!!!!!

After hunting for bows daily I did NOT decide to hang the bows, box the barrettes and headbands...... After hanging them I thought maybe it looked like we had less of them when they were in a box.....

I did NOT spend 2 hours changing the background of my blog last night. I did NOT at one point just scream and wish I had the $$$$ to have a creative blog designer fix me up with something adorable and memorable. Soooooo...... leave a comment and let me know what you think. If I were at all technical I would have some lovely christian music playing in the background but alas...... a techy I am not. I can barely say I pod, let alone figure out how to get music on one.

Another One Bites The Dust

2009-03-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

Well, that kind of sums things up at our house. Early this morning ....... about 5 a.m. Kendall woke up screaming. She sounded miserable, I just knew it was bound to happen. So I got up and went to her room, and she was as hot as a firecracker. She was also soaked through so I went to the bathroom and started the tub. When I opened her jammies for some reason her diaper had exploded sort of. Little white junk everywhere!!! So I plunked her in the tub and sat down.

You see Kendall is the last of the crew here to be sick except for Tiffany and that lucky girl isn't home enough to touch germs. Logan got sick earlier is the week from me I guess. Either the Wee Church room last weekend or the grocery is where I got it.
For me a searing throat, headache, a cough and no voice...........great! Now they have an excuse for not listening to me. Logan got a straight cold, lots of snot. Taylor came out Thursday night after being in bed for about 3 hours and threw up on the floor. Friday morning he was tired but that seemed to be it.

Yesterday Tim said he didn't feel well and that exploded into life or death within minutes. Today he is home from work, to sick to do anything including help. I have to bless God for his humor in life. Men are bigger babies than real babies. As for me well it is life as usual. Someone has to keep the boat afloat, but if one more person says "huh? what did you say?" I might just smack them................

God either has a sense of humor or he wants us to all go through it together rather than be sick all spring.

Wordless Wednesday..... Musical Genius at work

2009-03-04T20:14:00.000-08:00

Oh my ................ Jack and Lilly

2009-03-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

I think I have made a few new friends! It is absolutely no secret that my little girl is a girly girl. It is also no suprise that I do everything in my power to dress her in style..... all on a budget. While blogging on a commenters blog,(a really ool blog by the way...... check it out for yourself.... http://nateandjakeandme.blogspot.com),I came across the Jack and Lilly shoe website. I was mesmerized as I scanned the page....... cut-outs, colors,straps, lordy........ I LOVE these shoes! We will be adding a couple pair to out collection. Our HUGE collection....... My little one well she has about 5 times the number of shoes I do. I love to get her the perfect shoe to top off an outfit. She is MUCH better dressed than her Mom!

Go see for yourself....... http://www.jackandlily.com/

Not Me Monday!

2009-02-28T22:27:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well this week like all others I did NOT do a lot of things that some people might think are questionable. I have decided that this is not a once-in-a-while thing for me so really I must Not think that the behavior is too off the wall. You be the judge!

Things have been weighing a bit heavy on my mind this week and I feel that I should be working harder to be a servant for God. I need to reach out to others and offer help when I see them struggling. When I pulled into the grocery today I saw a man standing with a sign. "Will work for food". Seeing this man and knowing the bind that this economy has our family in I decided that I would bring him something warm out to eat. The weather was cold, windy, and about 30 degrees. I wandered the store carefully picking bargain meals for our family. I did pretty well if I do say so myself. 81.00 for a family of 6 for over a week,including a bag of diapers and a bag of wipes. I had several coupons and a gift card. In the end I owed about 32.00 and I bought a package of bows for Kendall's hair. Not bad!!! or.... i guess in this post "bad". As you can see I am NOT pretty proud of my penny pinching. So on the way out I stopped at the deli and bought a warm sandwich and drink for the man. I drove out and stopped to give it to him. He told me essentially "thanks but no thanks" Excuse me?!?! No, see he really would just rather have money. I told him I was sorry but I had no money to give him but thought he might want something warm to eat. Nope........... I did NOT drive away deciding that he really didn't want a hand he wanted a handout. I was a bit disappointed..... then I decided that maybe I was NOT offering for the right reason. I asked God to allow me to be a servant to someone in need........ As I left the parking lot of the second store there was a lady struggling in one of those wheelchair carts to get up and get her things in her car. I stopped and helped her out, it felt good. The wind was blowing hard and it was cold. She barely could get herself to her car let alone get out of and unload the basket. Her smile was so warm when I offered to help her..... I felt like it was summer.........she warmed my heart.

I did NOT feed my family dried beef gravy for under 5.00 with green beans and pudding. I have NOT started to figure the cost of each meal around here. I have two growing boys and a daughter that loves food as much as she loves me. I expect that they are going to only increase the food intake as the days turn into years. Better start to economize.

I have NOT spent a lot of time this week not only praying for a tiny girl whose blog I visited that just had a heart transplant. She was having problems with the new heart and I wanted to keep her in prayer. Problem is I can't remember where it is anymore.......... that is NOT a symptom of old age memory loss! Nope.... I would prefer to call it pregnancy brain. After all I have done that 5 times and I know each time I seem to remember less. So if this blog is familiar with you could you please help me out????

I did NOT cancel the Llama and Alpaca show for March that I have put on for 9 years. I am NOT so upset to not get together with all the friends I have made over the years. We certainly can't have a show if it doesn't pay for itself. I really will NOT be bummed bad the third weekend when we should be partying with the people.

I did not spend way to much time in the "bow department", we have gazillions of bows why would I need more? Well I found new shades of the same colors and you know what a bow girl I have. She asks every morning for her bow as she picks out her shoes.

The little kids and I did NOT spend all morning and afternoon watching I LOVE Lucy. I do NOT love the show so much that I have it as one of the ring tones on my phone. I am not secretly thrilled that the boys like it almost as much as I do even though it is in black and white.

I did NOT vent to my dear husband that he needs to buck up and help more. Not Me!! I just watched Joyce Meyer tell me to be humble and cheerful to my mate. I did NOT pray just this morning to help me to try to follow and not lead. I did NOT fail horribly............... At least I did put my cart back at Wal-Mart! Joyce likes it when you do that.

I have not spent most of the day with a scratchy throat and eyes that seem to be on fire if I close them. I do NOT know what is coming and have already been hating what my next few days will be like. Around here there is little relief for Mommy when she gets sick. Who else would keep this boat floating??? I just hope that none of the rest of the crew catches it or it will really NOT suck!!! (spraying myself with lysol..... and the keyboard......... and the phone......... and the doorknobs........ you get the idea.

This is what happens when you turn your back and leave the foam shapes unattended

Shewwwwww! I feel so much better getting that out! Hopefully you'll have some good ones of your own. No hugs this time, I wouldn't want to pass my germys on to you.

The little things in life.........................

2009-02-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that night again. In our house Thursday night means the whole family sits down and watches Survivor. While I don't encourage very much TV watching this is one that we all enjoy. Picking a person or team as your favorite and rooting them on is a pastime out here in the boonies. It is maybe a silly show but our family has made a routine of it since the show first aired. Before Logan could talk well he would know "vivor" night meant pizza in the family room and everyone was home. When the boys started learning the days of the week there was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Survivor day, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

So yes we are an over-the-top family when it comes to the show. It is a nice break to get to sit as a family and watch. So often these days we are not all together so I really enjoy the little things I guess. With the season just starting we have several weeks to cheer on our favorite player!!

I think the trend is continuing, Kendall boogies and dances when the music starts. Courtney came home and added ring tones if you remember to my phone one of those tones is the Survivor Theme Song.

The only bad thing about Thursday is the ending of ER. I have enjoyed it from the beginning and while I am really enjoying this season it is the end. Sad.......... for 15 years the show has been my favorite, lots of changes have happened during that time but I guess I really like the writing.

Yipppeeeeee!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-25T06:42:00.000-08:00

Square Pegs

2009-02-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

As my kids grow and I get older I seem to question things more than I used to. When the older girls were little we automatically enrolled them in the local school. It was what you "did". You didn't think about it, you just "did" it. Did it ruin them? No, they are incredible kids. Our adventures through childhood has been a journey to remember for sure. It seemed as they got older and in high school there were times that I had definite clashes with school policy. But again they did fine and for the place we were they were where they needed to be.

Then many years later when Logan was born we looked at things differently. Curriculum is incredible and easily available. The class size at the local school was just outrageous. 1 teacher with a part time-aid to 30 kindergartners. Does that even compute to you? Not me, how many kids would fall between the cracks. We decided that we couldn't do worse than that. I had used a modified pre-school at home for him the year before that went very well. We had several recommendations from neighbors and friends from church so we jumped into the world of home school.
It is 3 years later and there has been no looking back. I LOVE spending time with the kids and watching them learn. Seeing the moment that they really "get it". Sure there are days that I think I could pull my hair out but I wouldn't trade it. The boys have such interactive education and they seem to be thriving.

Today Taylor is off to go for standardized testing. I still am not sure how I feel about the "grading" of kids. But, I am so proud of my boys and how they see the world. They are so grounded and they love God in a way that I don't remember experiencing at their age. I pray everyday that Tim and I can be the example for them to follow to keep them in a close relationship with God.

Not Me Monday

2009-02-22T19:52:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well this week I did NOT spend most of the week preparing for my daughter to come and visit. I have NOT been missing her like crazy, she is so special and I am NOT one of those Moms that just does not want to let go.

I did NOT have said daughter fix me up with ring tones for my new phone so now I can tell who is calling without looking at the phone. Only to have so many of them that I can't remember whose is whose?!!?

I did NOT make my first ever hand-made card this week and it only cost me 22.00 in supplies from Micheal's. Yea, I think that scrap booking would be way to dangerous for us. Not only would we be broke but I would need a room built on to hold all the supplies that I would (not be able to live without) need.

I did NOT once again blow off finishing the taxes, nope not me. I am very good about being organized and timely. I would NEVER let the entire year go by without logging any of our expenses.... not ME! I would have an incredible hard time logging all that in at one time.

I did NOT allow the boys to play the Wii way too much this weekend because Courtney was home and they were having such a good time.

I did NOT make a HUGE pot of Chili so that I wouldn't have to cook for several meals. I will NOT have mutiny on my hands after the first few days of serving it but I have decided mutiny is better than cooking.

I did not spend a lot of the evening in tears because Courtney went back to school. I did NOT spend time feeling like this is close to the end of this snapshot of life. This time when we are a family of 7 and the kids are all just that kids. We are so close to toppling over the edge and as an adult I know that once this frame is over we will all be forever different and not as close.

So I guess I end the Not ME in a funk..............

I love you kids more than anything in this world.......... you are my reason to get up and go everyday. Love you so much Mom

Mixed bag

2009-02-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

I have spent the last couple weeks throwing myself back in time. Not an easy time, not one that I would want to miss, a turning point in my life. A time when I was rudely reminded that I needed God in a BIG way, for every decision not just the tough stuff. A testament to God's love and and his faithfullness to carry us when we can't walk alone.

One of the special women from my Bible Study lost a baby to miscarriage. A baby longed for and prayed for. This exceptional woman is one of the many in the not-so-exclusive group of women who live a life of infertility. She has such a beautiful heart and love for Jesus. Her animated style has impacted so many people and children in particular. She has longed to be a Mother all her life and has struggled to make that dream come true. She has a wonderful little boy that is the light of her life. She thought like so many of us that she was being blessed with a miracle. She let herself believe that God was giving her a blessing and then in the blink of an eye at a bit over 7 weeks her tiny baby was gone. Now she is picking up the pieces and trying to make sense of what has happened while she grieves a dream.

I am grieving her loss right along with her........... do I feel pity? No, I feel her pain, her loss. The loss of a dream that was never in God's master plan. I know that she will be blessed, I just am not sure how. I wish she could fast forward through this pain....... but I know that there is purpose in this pain and she needs to experience it.

Just when I felt that life might really be in the pits I got a phone call from another exceptional woman. This woman has been in my life long enough for her to be a daughter. She has been there for us and with us for a long time. She called to tell me that she is expecting a baby, a gift from God and I was so excited. I am so excited for her. So excited that she is going on this journey. Her life is going to change in BIG way and I can't wait. I can remember back to when I found out the first time that I had gotten pregnant. How excited I was and that bit of fear in the pit of my stomach. Could I raise a human??? Hmmmmm and give birth to one... Yikes! It has been a journey that although I do very poorly in the puke department, I have done 5 times and treasure each trip. This baby is going to be a lucky little one to have such grounded and well-rooted parents.

My prayers go to this special family in the making for a wonderful healthy pregnancy, easy birth, and fabulous lifestyle change. God Bless!

Wordless Wednesday- Then and Now

2009-02-18T07:45:00.000-08:00

Not Me Monday

2009-02-16T07:18:00.000-08:00

***** Update******

Please take a moment and click on the link for Veiyah! she needs our prayers now, her sweet Momma does too. this little one has been through so much and is continuing to struggle. say a prayer now if you could and then go catch up on her story.

Okay.....take two! I hate it when this happens, my post was ready to go and then the whole page disappeared! So we’ll see which Not Me’s pop up this time or I should say which ones I can remember.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Time to fess up about the week and let everyone know that we all are indeed human and God did allow some flaws to seep through.

I did NOT pick up the cell phone this week and have several minutes of conversation before realizing that I wasn’t talking to the person I thought I was. My vision is NOT that bad, I can see the name on the screen when I hold it very far away and close to a light. I think that bulbs are just not as bright as they used to be right???

I did NOT have to reel in my dear husband this week when our 5 K garage door started doing this.... well you can't see it exactly but this is the closed position for now. Not good enough for you??? Hmmmmm not him either. I actually am not as upset about the door as I am the extremly cute hat I bought for Kendall and seem to have lost. It cost me a buck, but really now..... it is an ADORABLE hat.

I did not after many times of reminding the boys to pick up their shoes decide that they would “disappear” for a time to let them be uncomfortable in old worn and small shoes. It did NOT backfire a bit when the boys were delighted to see their “favorite” shoes and then needed to wear them to the adult birthday party last night.......

I did NOT for the first time ever this week direct the boys in Valentines Day box making. They attended their first ever V-day party. Where you may ask Chuck E Cheese, another first for us. I guess we live in a very sheltered life.

I did NOT get a phone call that went a bit like this:

Hello

Hello, this is Gaby from WifeSwap.

Who from WHO???

Gaby from WifeSwap, your family has been nominated to be on our show

Your Gaby from WIFESWAP?!?! Us, on the show????? The fear started to creep in the edges a bit. I have seen the show and well.......... hmmmmm. The raw food family and the witch family come to mind. Well, apparently if you are a farm family that raises llamas, heats with wood, homeschools your multiple children, have 2 distinct age groups, and blogs away the day then you are a rare commodity. Will we do it???? well, we did immediately head to the barn in our Carharts and boots. What??? Do you say you don’t have Carharts and boots in every size for your family??? hmmmmm...... well as for the show we are awaiting direction and giving it much thought before stepping off that ledge.

I did NOT decide that I was too tired to once again clean the bathroom in what seemed like mere hours after cleaning it the first time. Living in a house with 3 people of the male gender is NOT getting to me when it comes to AIM! I was so tired that I decided that I could "wipe" the entire bathroom with these...... and look they help combat flu virus!!

I did NOT get the most beautiful spring tulips from my wonderful husband for Valentines Day! They just look so pretty I can almost feel the sun starting to come through the cold winter.

Lastly I did NOT try to use my own warped parenting on myself and not allow myself to take my computer to bed to make it high on the list again this week for the Not Me Monday, unless I got our taxes done. As you can see I didn’t get done and I DO follow through with punishments around here....... Still trying to bask in the #3 spot of long ago last week.

Hmmmm pictures to come later and it isn’t just a ploy to get you back I just can’t wait for them to download right now and be lower in the line!??!!?!? Hmmmmmm after 10:00 and no school started yet..... that is what Not Me does to me!

a Pet Lovers must read

2009-02-15T18:40:00.000-08:00

I got this in my e-mail and after a few days of thinking about it it is still just on my mind. That would be the mind of a pet lover Mom. The one who cringes at the thought of loosing one of the many furry or feathered creatures that live with us.

God lives in the Post Office

This is one of the kindest things I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service.

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith
_________________________________

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, "To Meredith " in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called "When a Pet Dies". Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

_____________________________________

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven.

Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.

Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.

By the way, I'm easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love, God

February hummmm drumm and more....

2009-02-13T08:06:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it is just because winter is still dragging on or not but I seem to find myself in a strange funk. Over the last few days I try but it seems I am just feeling the dumps. Winter, although I really do enjoy it, drags on longer than I would prefer. I have spoken to God many times about this trying to rally support for a Thanksgiving start of winter and a Happy New Year good bye to winter. He doesn't seem to take my ideas to heart though. Once again I'm sure that my tiny myopic view doesn't understand his master plan but from where I sit anyway the winter should be OVER! I am ready to see the first pops of the crocus and daffodils in our yard. I do have to admit I felt so much better.... even had a spring in my step after buying Kendall some over the top cute spring and summer dresses! Funny how for a moment shopping makes everything better.

I also have been a bit more than mildly upset that the government seem to be again messing with us regular people. As I understand in a very short time there will be new regulation in place that will prohibit resale stores from selling products unless they have been extensively and expensively tested for lead. While I am not wanting anyone's children to get hurt in any way I think that this regulation is going WAY over board and more families are going to be hurt by an ever dropping economy. I personally like shopping in the resale shops. I like that things aren't going into the landfill, I love dressing my crew in name brand clothes for less. I feel so bad for the work at home Moms that supplement or make their family income working on the cool crafty stuff that we all love to buy. Why at a time when so may of us are struggling to make ends meet is the government making it harder??? I have yet to see any positive comment for this rule that will take effect at the end of February.

What are your comments on this.......... if you have any reason that this is sane let me know. Really, I won't bite your head off or anything. Just trying to make sense of it.

Not Me Monday

2009-02-08T20:46:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So here I am pouring my heart out about all the mis-steps and goof-ups that I have had over the last week. Now understand I did NOT have that many. We will keep the list short ...... how about I confess by the day?!?

Monday
I did NOT start the week by shoveling the icy driveway in a pair of old spiked shoes from the girls softball days. I did NOT still BITE it bad! I did NOT secretly hope that the neighbors would zip down the drive on their tractor and see me in distress and scoop us out in a minute instead of me shoveling for 45 minutes. I did not start to stress about a dentist appointment that I will have in one week, NOT me. That would be childish and silly........

Tuesday
I did NOT tell the boys that I was sure tennis lessons were canceled because of the roads when I knew they weren't. I just knew that I would have to hop over to my favorite shop and buy Kendall more clothes. Clothes she has NO closet space left for. I have SO MUCH more will-power than that. So we stayed home and the boys missed their lesson this one time. I mean really...... it's not like they will be playing tennis anytime soon here in Ohio. I did not finally get a fancy (complicated) new phone to replace the one that Kendall used as a weapon last week. I DID get one that has the same charging connection (yea....) It did NOT take me over an hour to figure out how to call on the phone and then it was four days before I recognized the frogs and cricket noises as my ring........ the boys and I wondered where those animal sounds were coming from......

Wednesday
We were so busy and industrious... we finished school by 12:00 and we even made it to kids bowling on time! We did not have a good time with all the other kids and then go out for a snack with all of them. When we got back in the van it did NOT do "its thing" and start. It plays this game with me just every once in a while. If you give it a bit it will start..... you just have to be humiliated. We did NOT try to look like we were "waiting" in the parking lot on purpose. The humiliation joke is on the car though..... it has happened for so long and been looked at so much by the "experts" (and cost so much $$) that know when it happens the boys just whip out one of their fabulous prayers and then at some point off we go so no humiliation in our car! We just use the time to stop and reflect......... or growl, grump, and snarl.

Thursday
I did NOT decide that we were going to cut out the junk food and I was going to start cooking only healthy food. 2 hours later I was NOT hiding in the laundry room eating a Hershey bar I found in the frig. Now I think the rest of them should eat healthy and I have NOT got a stash of goodies for Mommy.

Friday
Tim and I did NOT get into a knock down drag out (well not really) fight because he was being COMPLETELY ridiculous and not listening to what I needed. I was completely in the right......... well I thought so until I wanted to run over 3 cars on the way to the store while singing Amazing Grace all the way there and then all but mowing down any poor person that dare get in my way while at the store. I did NOT grab 2 candy bars on the way through the check out. hmmmm ..... should I just whisper that I am NOT a bit PMS'y right now.

Saturday
I did NOT completely decide that I wouldn't even talk to Tim for the day and then realize that his parents were coming over and that plan wouldn't work well. Still thinking that PMS is hanging around because after about 1 hour of the whole family I wanted to run from the house screaming. I did NOT head out to do chores only to find that all that ice had turned to MUD. So nice and sloppy deep that your boots kept getting stuck in the mud...... after almost loosing them I finally did NOT loose my balance and then end up in the mud! I love Ohio........ I love Ohio..........I love Ohio.... I need a vacation.....

Sunday
I did NOT spend most of the day working tirelessly on the Valentines Day boxes with the boys. I did NOT wish I had a creative bone in my body so that we could come up with something catchy and cute. I did NOT almost BLOW when my DH couldn't keep the baby out of the sun room while I made business calls. He couldn't seem to stop playing the Wii with the boys long enough to help me out. I completely had to leave the room when he told me that he "couldn't" keep her in the room with him, she was uncontrollable. Lastly I am NOT just about to jump out of my skin about the dentist thing.....I LOVE going to the dentist and I know that there is nothing to be afraid of. It is NOT an out of control fear. I would NOT trade giving child birth consecutively to all my children with no drugs again as a trade......... nope NOT ME!

Say a little prayer for me this afternoon as I face the giant...... or dentist as I like to call her.........

What about you????????????

When you were little............

2009-02-07T18:41:00.000-08:00

what did you think your life would be like? How close to the mark have you come? I remember vividly when the girls were little Tiffany would stand and say "when I get big I am going to be a Doctor and a dancer..... Oh yea and occasionally she would say and I'm only going to have one baby and I am going to be a mean Mom like you are." This always happened when she had to go and sit on the step. Courtney on the other hand held to the dream that when she grew up she was going to be a unicorn. Now Logan tells me he is going to be a scientist, and Taylor well he thinks a race car driver..... let me just say this one has me a bit concerned. Funny how the oldest of each set is more of a "real" job and the younger is more of a dreamer.

As for me as a child I was sure that I was going to be a Mom, I wanted that from the earliest memories that I have. I had dolls that were my babies for years.... I just wanted to be a Mom I wanted to bake cookies and be home. I also knew that someday I would have a cat and a dog IN the house. I was never allowed as a child and I thought that would be the best. Well, if you fast-forward I AM a Mom of 6, and I LOVE it 98% of the time. The pet thing well, it is much bigger than I ever thought. I went from the kid not allowed to have a pet to the adult that in a few short days will be able to say that I have been in the "llama" raising, showing, judging business for 20 years! We have 12 llamas here now, but at times we have had up to 48 llamas. I have delivered near 100 cria. Wow, although the chores are sometimes yucky and I have been "up to my elbows" places I never dreamed not bad for the town kid that once in a while got to have a fish.

Oh yea and I also got to have the dog in the house. We don't have a cat inside anymore but there are about 20 outside all tame and all with names. None in the house because we also have a large parrot named Max.

So tell me........... what about you?????????

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

Not Me Monday

2009-02-02T06:18:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well it's that time again............. can you believe it???? time to unload about all the things we did NOT do the week before. You know the ones....... the ones that you pray nobody who really knows you ever finds out. Thanks to MckMama and her blog for giving us all this much needed therapy at such a rock bottom price!

This week I did NOT feel a bit jealous that not one but 2 people that we knew were breaking free from the bulk of their kiddos and taking cruises. I did NOT wish as I was shoveling 10 inches of snow off our Looooong driveway that I was basking in the sun on our private deck.

I did NOT make a teeny mistake in the checkbook and double enter a deposit. Well, see it really was NOT my fault! I over heard my dear husband talking on the phone and distinctly heard him say Wow! That is great I didn't think we would get a bonus." Upon hearing this I did not excitedly call the bank the next day and record the amount given on the automated system. I also did NOT actually speak to a customer service person and have them tell me that the 3 deposits I was speaking about were in the name of my husbands employer. I did NOT then quickly and deftly write checks to the tune of 1,800.00 and feel so proud that I whittled our national debt down a bit before my husband could spend the money. Great plan but the deposit was from another time and I over drew our account in the exact amount! Argh.............. I did NOT then wriggle and wriggle and find ways to pull us back out of the red without telling my dear husband. He would NOT have been upset at all, NOPE........ he would be ever so understanding.

I did NOT catch my sweet little girl treating my cell phone like a ball bat and then start to freak out (in the mind only...no children were hurt or affected in the making of this nervous breakdown). How in the world would I live without my cell??? And until this morning it worked fine............. now ummmmm well no calls can be made or received. The only good thing about it is so far the phone directory still works.

I did NOT once again put off the dirty detail of logging in all our information to get things ready for the tax preparer. I wouldn't do that............... I was too NOT busy dreaming about ME being on a cruise ship!

I did NOT have bad dreams the last two nights............... creepy real ones. I love to dream about dark scary things.... yea its a favorite thing of mine.

I did NOT just put the puzzle back in the box that Logan got out. 500 pieces of confusion, my attention span is not up to the lovely waterfall with the tiny flowers ALL over it. TINY pieces that don't seem to be very clear...... are there more than one place that these pieces fit???? and NO I do NOT need glasses. I have perfect vision and am not near old enough to be needing glasses. I also just LOVE to change my hair clolr slightly every 6 weeks or so .... I have NO gray hair..... not an old person here....................yikes!!

I did not post these pictures of my sweet youngest baby because she was so adorable. And that is NOT a McDonalds french fry that she is holding onto. I wouldn't give her that kind of junk to eat. No, not ME!

Last but not least I did NOT post on the BLOG about a Seriously cool magazine. Just pop back and see the post.

I can hardly wait till next week!

Serious Life

2009-02-01T18:21:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm the title can conjure up all kinds of images in your mind can't they? Life is serious.......... life can be serious in so many ways. How many times have you worried needlessly about some issue that you think will just pull you under? I read my Bible and read.... try to convince myself that worry is a sin. It's right there in the pages of the Bible. Do not worry about what you will eat or wear. BUT we humans seem to love to worry don't we? We love to think that we can can control and steer our lives. Who do we think we are kidding anyway!?!?

So I am working hard to realize that no matter what is trying to drag me under, there is always someone else in more need than myself and I should get off my pity pot and help someone else, isn't that part of the plan?...to be a blessing to others. I have become one in an army that have come to love a little girl named Abby. A little girl that I will probably never meet. A little girl who is beautiful with an infectious smile. A little girl with Dad who is blessed with words. A little girl with a spidey brother named Landis, a little girl who was brought here to the United States to be loved by a forever family...... oh yea and a little girl that is bravely fighting a battle with cancer.

This post on my blog is for the Riggs family and their magazine and I hope you will all take a look at it. Real life and the people that live it. Won't you give it a try??????

No words...................

2009-02-01T13:18:00.000-08:00

When I logged in yesterday bright and early I did my normal and checked out all my "bloggy" friends sites to get the prayers right. Once again too soon another family has had to release their sweet child from their clutching fingers to heaven where God in his mighty wisdom has called them home. Little Tuesday has been healed and is dancing with Jesus. This little girl just grabbed my heartand now it is breaking.

I know all the flowery, "religious" quips....... been there said them, had them said to me. There is still a very human part of me that just has to scream and cry out...
THIS STINKS GOD!!! I love you with more than I am, I will always follow you and I try to never cry out in anger at you for circumstance. But my heart just breaks for families that just wanted to raise their babies, watch them grow and get gray hairs from them.

I know they will be spared all kinds of human trial, like a get-out-of-jail-free card they are living the high life. But here on earth the buckets of tears just keep running over.

Hug your kiddos, tell them how much you love them and praise God for his love and mercy.

Pray for Tuesday............

2009-01-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

here is a bit of the post from their blog...........
My deepest fears were confirmed. Tomorrow we take our precious daughter home. Her cancer doubled in size in less than a week proving once and for all that it is horribly aggressive and no longer chemo sensitive. We have no idea how to do this but we have no doubt we will be cared for every step of the way. This is all I have in me. Please pray for peace for our children, our parents and our siblings. Tuesday, full of grace, you are our so very loved.

My heart just won't be still with this one. So hard to understand, I know that God's plan is perfect for this little girl. That doesn't mean that there aren't buckets of tears along the way. I know that my God can and does miracles everyday. I know that my heart wants something that God may not have in mind, his view is so awesome.........Will you consider praying??

Wordless Wednesday

2009-01-28T19:23:00.000-08:00

So many firsts.............

First trip out in the snow

First attempt at piggies

I think she looks like these babies are exhausting her

Can I just say how much I love my kiddos.......... I know, I know wordless.....